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“Represent ‘Comics Should Be Good’ At SDCC” Contest!

At this year’s San Diego Comic Con, there will not be a member of the Comics Should Be Good crew in attendance. Therefore, we figure it’d be cool if someone ELSE could represent us at the convention and write up a series of reports detailing his/her experiences at SDCC. Sound cool? In addition, we can provide you with a free pass to the convention, which is a pretty sweet deal, I think, if you were planning on going to SDCC.

To be fair, we figure it’d be coolest to decide who shall be our representative (and receive the free pass) via a fun contest. Read on for details!

About a year ago, on Snark Free Waters, I had a contest asking people to come up with the best band featuring Black Adam that would be able to beat Alex‘s aptly-named “THE MOST INCREDIBLE BAND IN THE UNIVERSE” (consisting of Bender on lead guitar, Captain Marvel as the front man, Popeye on Keyboards and Sgt. Rock on bass) in a Battle of the Bands.

The winner was F. Chong Rutherford, with the following inspired idea…

The lights dim at Orange County Arena, as thousands of screaming fans pant and calm themselves after the incredible performance of a most awesome opening act. *The opening act is Black Vulcan, Black Lightning and Black Panther doing Ramones covers with a funk beat. The name of the opening act is “The Black Musketeers.”

The Black Musketeers leave the stage … Suddenly, an announcer’s voice rises, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome tonight’s featured performers …

-Blacula on electric accordian.
-BlackBison on bass. He’s still dead. He’s actually zombie BlackBison on bass. He’s not very energetic. He eats anyone who throws underwear at him.
-Black Canary on lead vocals. She’s got one of those Starro things on her face. STARRO IS ACTUALLY DOING THE SINGING BY CONTROLLING HER MIND THOUGHTS!
-Black Goliath on drums. He says inappropriately obvious things like, “Shouldn’t the white lady singing be called WHITE PIERCING SCREAMER LADY?” during the show as a way to play off his obvious name. He makes a really cool face when he hits his drum sticks together to go 1, 2, 3 and start off their songs.
-Black Adam on lead guitar, playing a mean, mean Stratocaster V. He opens the show by shoting SHAZAM and getting out of the way really fast while the magic lightning bolt sets off a GIGANTICNORMOUS fireworks show that ends with a “rock sign” in the sky.

The name of their band is “BlackBelt Jones.”

BlackBelt Jones is co-managed by Blackhawk, Black Condor and Black Panther.

The contest is to therefore come up with the RESPONSE to this band.

Can you come up with a NEW band fronted by Captain Marvel that could defeat “BlackBelt Jones” in a Battle of the Bands?

The person who comes up with the coolest band is our pick! The winner will be decided by a secret panel of five!

Enter quickly! The conventions begins in two weeks! Winner announced Wednesday!!

5 Comments

The MarvelTones’ Eternity of Rock Tour kicked off in Boston last night to a sold out arena. The Garden was filled to the brim with young and old alike, many sporting lightning bolt t-shirts and gold-trimmed capes.

Opening for the progressive rock trio was metalcore favorite Adamantium SpaceHawg, fronted by long bickering duo Wolverine and Lobo. After an amazingly quick set, it was time for the main show.

The stage fills with smoke and light as a confused young teenaged kid in a red sweater wanders about an very expensive, yet still fake looking, set filled with enormous painted styrofoam statues of weird creatures with contorted faces. As the music slowly builds, an old man’s voice echoes throughout the arena, telling a very confusing story about the eighth age of magic or something.

Then the kid cries out, “Shazam!” Captain Marvel Appears on stage in a flash of light and thunder, guitar in hand. His red and gold costume glowing in the light. The crowd cheers as Captain Marvell steps forward out of the darkness and adds a bassline. After a few more seconds the final three spotlights kick on, revealing the third Captain Marvel, arms split on both sides of the stage, each one playing a separate set of keyboards, while his legs pound out a rhythm on the drums.

The first song, “The Wisdom of Solomon,” lasts for almost twelve minutes before slowly building into “Ego(of Living Planets and Despayre, a Hymn to the Universe, pt.1.”

The highlight was “I Buried Hoppy Behind the Tool Shed,” a slow, somber number that gets increasingly louder and faster over the course of six minutes before racing, fever pitch, into a sublime guitar solo that nearly brought the house down.

Truly epic music.

for one night only its the dead-a-dys!!! (think the kennedys with less poliicss and booze)(they were gonna call it the “dead means dead” but that didnt work out after the next big event when they were all brought back)
captim marvel really spreaded his magic tonight..the crowd was alive and non dead as the band took the stage!! ever snce captn marvel brought back his band mates from the dead they have been climbing the charts!!! the new direction to take the band in a more “gothic” apraoch seems to finnaly pay off.fans of the band are likely to point out that much of the band sucsess be credited to the new front person jean grey aka the phoneix on vocals!!! with ben parker aka “the bang” on drums.the academy x choir on back up (the new writers are killing them x-kids left and right)…magneto on bass(or is it xorn?..or xorns brother? ..sublime perhaps who cares with them funky bass lines!!)fans were in uproar over the decsion to go with magneto on bass over the fan pick of microbe(as seen dying in civial war..whos side is he on?? hmmm? HMMM???!! the truth is out there) ..magneto himself claims that his drug abuse days are finaly behind him and that in actuallity it was a guy named xorn who ran through the streets of new york naked last fall during a clown induced coke binge.fansd may note that no one brings the “metal” like magneto,dead girl wowed the crowd on gutiar with skills on the axe that would make a lumberjack in a midget porn shop blush….but the nights highlight was the visual light show by vision “the andrioid on roids” and his tribute to the fallen mutants of the world.(ok ok hang on i knooowww this is captn marvels band but i dont read dc…the only guy i can think of who died that im aware of is jason todd..and hes back..soooooo im lost so ..sorry about the marvel zoombies ((get it zoombies?? hahah im to much!!))..much specalation has come up over capt marvels assurance that the tour will not be cancled again due to rotting flesh.you could say they brought the magic back to rock!! not since alice cooper has a band been as decomposed as the dead-a-dys!! the blood level hasnt been this high since the great gwar incedent of 98..not since courtney love has amercia seen such dead looking entertainment.i feel in love all over agin with the band during the song “why dont my editor love me no more?” that brought every attendee to tears(but if you notice now a days they all got running mascare i:e good charlotte so thats really not saying much if you think about it)when the lights dim and jean began her song “even boyscouts cheat ” the crowd was so silent you could hear a zombie choke on a neck bone.
this tour will be gearing out all over america and goth favorite hawkeye will be joining the band for the europen arm of the tour.
the tour wil be called the welcome back again tour
get your t-shirts now!!!

whats really funny .. hahah other than the typos/..is A)my wife would never alow me to go un supervised an b) thing is..i live to far hahah but why not!
i didnt want someone on here to be more out there than me

The show opens with a stunt show performed by David Boring. Every night, one lucky audience member gets to come up onstage and shoot him in the head. And every night, he lives! So far.

The stage is black. From the darkness comes a cry of “Shazam!” A lightning bolt hits the stage, pyrotechnics fire, and the lights come up to reveal The Big Red Cheese, ready to introduce his brand new band to end all bands.

The Captain is in front, of course, wielding a mean red electric guitar with a lightning bolt running up the fret board. He begins to strum the familiar opening to his band’s new hit song “Marvel”.

The bass line seeps in and adds support to the Captain’s tune as a spotlight reveals who is playing. It is none other than Mogo, the planet who is a green lantern. Well, it’s actually a giant screen that connects to a telescope, which is aimed at Mogo. He is using the lantern’s power to create limbs which play his miles-long electric bass.

Wispy, ethereal notes begin to pluck their way into the tune, echoing certain parts of the Captain’s melody. Another spot comes up to reveal Animal Man getting to work on a keyboard. It seems though, that there are more sounds being produced than he is actually playing, and one might think that there is some off-stage production going on. But in actuality, Animal Man is constantly popping in and out of panels of existence, collecting, recording, and arranging the sound pallete he’s creating, entirely off-panel. This way, what you do hear is an insane amalgam of various points of the song, and you get to know what it would feel like to hear angels sing, while on acid. It’s pretty awesome.

Another spotlight comes up as a second guitar joins in the melody. It’s Adam Strange, tapping into his inner Nels Cline, sawing away at the strings in front of him. Sometimes he rocks so hard, he accidentally summons the zeta beam and introduces surprise visitors to the audience. Sometimes it’s just plants or objects from Rann, but sometimes you might just find yourself standing int he front row, staring right at Orion. You might pee yourself, but it’ll be the best fear-induced incontinence you ever had.

Finally, the drums start their rolling ascent into complete and total rock. Goddamn, they rock hard! You can hardly believe that anyone in the universe is that awesome, and then the spotlight shines on the drum set. It’s empty! “Are they using a recorded drum beat?” you think. “What’s going on?” And then you hear this laugh. It’s a smug laugh, and it’s booming, almost hurting your ears, but you can’t tell where it’s coming from. And then the person next to you points up and you look to see, looming above you, Galactus, devourer of worlds. And he’s converted his planet-eating harness into the most insane drum kit in the cosmos.

The whole band’s going full steam now, and as you bask in the rock, you think to yourself… “I wonder if Galactus has ever tried to eat Mogo?”

Billy was in a moral quandry. Sure, he could tap into the Marvel part of his name, go with the band from Spider-Man: Rock Reflections of a Superhero, and win the contest easily. With Captain America on tambourine, and Falcon on handclaps, what band of erstwhile heroes could dare stand against their Marvelous might? But Billy couldn’t get the band back together. Conan’s new contract doesn’t allow him to play instruments, and Luke Cage has that whole Yoko Ono thing going on now. Or he could even get Move to play “Shazam,” but quite frankly, I’ve never heard of them and just accidentally found this album cover: http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000087GF.01._SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_V1115673632_.jpg
Besides, that would turn Captain Marvel back into Billy in mid-concert, so that’s right out.
So Billy turned into Captain Marvel and flew to the Rock of Eternity to ask Shazam what to do.

“Oh mighty Wizard, who can I get to defeat Black Adam?”
To which Shazam replied: “Don’t ask me, ya shmuck. That’s what I gave you the Wisdom of Solomon for, despite it breaking with the whole Greco-Roman motif.”

So Captain Marvel used his powers, and the giant cardboard cut out of Solomon from the 70s show appeared. And luckily, had the perfect answer. “Bubelah, the only way you can defeat Black Adam is to find the power of colors in you!” Solomon speaking like Mel Brooks, just to keep with the whole Jewish thing.

So the night of the big concert, Billy’s RV pulls up to the venue. http://www.70slivekidvid.com/shazam/shazrv.jpg
The first one out, as lead singer, the Big Red Cheese himself, Captain Marvel. On lead guitar, the original 40’s flyer himself, Red Raven! On second lead guitar (catch the reference?) the original Masked Mystery Man himself, the Crimson Avenger! On rhythm guitar, Mike Allred’s Red Rocket 7! On bass, because you always have to have a hot chick on bass these days, a woman so hot, you can only bang her if you defeat her in a solo bass duel, Red Sonja! On harmonica, the king of the old west, Red Ryder! On keyboards, incredibly goofy Ant-Man villain Scarlet Beetle! Rocking on a 360 degree drum kit, Dr. T.O. Morrow’s most awesome creation, Red Tornado! Laying down the phat beats is their producer, Reddy McKillowatt! As backup vocals, DC international hero Crimson Fox, creepy period-based character Crimson Plague, crazy lady Scarlet Witch, and Real American Hero Scarlett. To top it off, as backup dancer, Tamara Hashioka and Yuriko Takiguchi’s one and only Godzilla-fighting robot, Red Ronin!

Oh, and Red Guardian, Crimson Dynamo, the Rocket Reds, Red Ghost, Omega Red, and any other commie-based Red character I’m blanking on as ticket sales. Because if they aren’t selling the official t-shirts, they’re just going to be bootlegging them. Being Russian and all. And Red Wolf as a roadie, because you always have to have a big Native American guy as a roadie.

And finally, as group manager, the Red Skull. Because there’s always an evil white guy as band manager. Think about it, Zack with the Zack Attack, Sly with the California Dreams. It’s the truth.

As for the band’s name? Red Hot Chili Peppers was alread taken, and Red Zeppelin seemed a little derivative. Crimson Avenger wanted to name the band Professor Funkenstein’s Flat Top Rock Revival, but he got voted down. In the end, there was only one choice: The Red Menace! Let there be rock!!!

NOTE: Not eligible for entry. I just wanted to play too.

It is a massive, cavernous concert hall. the lights are dim, but the footlights begin an eerie glow, faintly illuminating the monolithic figures arrayed about the stage.
One night only. One performance only.
In the background, a slow drum beat begins. A spot flares up, illuminating the titan, Atlas on drums. He supported the whole world, but now, he’s laying down the bare bones to support the mightiest accumulation of power the music world has ever seen.
Eerie, otherworldly tones wreath a musical mist through the pounding of the drums, as a spot illuminates Mercury… delivering his electronic message as a counterpoint to the drums’ glacial pounding.
His caduceus has unwound itself and the twin serpents flicker across keys creating moody, never-before heard soundscapes, while his fingers, faster than the eye can follow dart across keys in a lightning blur.
Into this soundscape prowls a low rumble, almost subsonic… a bassline like the throaty growl of the Nemean lion, full of power and menace, as another spot picks out Hercules, himself, clutching a bass no mortal hand might lift.
The music builds and builds until the raw electric power-chords of Zeus howl forth. There is no spotlight for him as he is illumated by godly lightning, which crackles across his body, dancing across his fingers as they dance across the strings of his mighty, godly axe.
Standing next to him is the hero Achilles, illuminated but unharmed by his lightning, as his warcries do battle with the power of Zeus’ mighty axework. He draws the music to him, wrapping himself in it, and throwing himself around the stage in an ecstatic, shaman’s frenzy… heedless of danger.
He is terrifying in his aspect, and as his leaping dance of war and blood and death, it seems almost as though he is more than one man, and indeed he is.
Winking into existence one by one, like stars in the black void surrounding the band, a series of faces. Underlit like that bit in the Bohemian Rhapsody filmclip… you know the bit… they swim out of the darkness like the faces of the damned… for so they are – the 72 djinn bound by Solomon summoned forth to act as a chorus of backing vocalists.
The audience is enraptured. Each one experiences their own legendary hero’s journey as the music moves around and through them until finally, after what seems like hours with Atlas’ drums pounding, Mercury’s synthwork weaving subtle and unearthly harmonies, Hercules’ basslines rumbling, Zeus’ powerchords soaring while his lightning crackles around him and Achilles’ terrifying vocals with demonic backing simultaneously terrifying, entrancing and beckoning the audience on…

There is someone onstage who wasn’t there before.

Nobody can remember seeing him enter… and yet there he stands, seemingly ignoring everything around him. He is dressed gaudily, in scarlet and gold, and yet, he seems more bemused by the spectacle around him than awestruck. There is a friendliness to his face, and a merry twinkle in his eye as he raises his head to gaze out at the audience.

Slowly he lifts the microphone to his mouth.

The music reaches a feverish pitch, and builds to a crescendo.

There is a single word, softly spoken, and the auditorium erupts with an earsplitting burst of thunder and lightning.

Then silence, there is a single figure standing there alone, on a dark and empty stage.

He is illuminated by a single spotlight.

“Thank you for coming,” he says, a happy smile on his face, “I hope you all enjoyed the show.”

The lights go out.

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