re: Lettering Eisner. In all those years, Dave Sim really seriously never won one?

James: “That SHIELD secret entrance reminds me of the secret location of the military headquarters in Larry Hama’s G.I. Joe comic book. It was (if I remember correctly) hidden under a motor garage of a Chaplain’s Assitant School on a base in Staten Island.”

Yup, though I don’t remember the Staten Island part. There was one story where they had to send the Chaplain’s assistants on a field trip because COBRA was coming to attack them. The first issue after the battle (which left the Pit in ruins) was a splash of the CA’s returning to a smoking pile of rubble and asking what happened.

Answer? “A boiler exploded.” “There’s nothing left!” “All the boilers exploded.” Got a laugh out of me as a juvenile.

Favourite JSA member…I’d probably go with the Flash because, all these years later, I still love that costume! (I love the thrown together nature of it– it’s not spandex but a guy with a red sweater, blue trousers, boots and mining helmet. Same thing is true of the Sandman and Green Lantern– there’s a homemade quality to it that makes it work). That said, the Atom would get a close second vote.

The Soap Box Derby would be a great story for an annual, if they still did them. Reed and Tony both bust their humps building these things, trying to top each other, but some kid with a simple wooden racer wins. Why? Because the Big Brains’ cars were too heavily laden with technology to actually get a swift start.

Of the guys who qualify, well, Green Lantern in (almost) any form is always a fave. (Guy Gardner’s the exception.) (And G’nort, of course. Talk about spoiling your brand!) Alan’s got the advantage of the blond hair and poofy sleeves, which really make him stand out. I’m also a huge fan of Hourman, for the costume primarily, which I think is one of the best ever, and also the concept, which led so easily to the later notion that Miraclo was dangerously addictive. Good stuff, that.

John Ostrander wrote a Golden Age Secret Files story that reestablished the Crimson Avenger as the first super hero. He also added a retcon that had the Avenger being inspired by getting a glimpse of the future and seeing Superman’s death. So the Crimson Avenger was “avenging” a man who hadn’t been born yet.

And secret entrance on The Man From U.N.C.L.E. was through a tailor shop, not a laundromat.

Subsequently, Grant Morrison put together a JLA story in which Aztek (?) gets inducted into the League by swearing an oath on the costume of the Crimson Avenger–and is told that the Avenger was first.

I like everyone on the JSA, but I’d pick Sandman if I had to designate a favorite: Sandman Mystery Theatre, the romance comic that masqueraded as a noirish superhero book, is probably my top series of all time.

It’d be a shame if it wasn’t the Crimson Avenger. He’s never been the greatest superhero; they might as well let him keep being the first.

What about opening this up to other uber-scientists? Doom would lose, but it would be a particularly spectacular loss where he’d take out all of the other drivers EXCEPT for Richards. Luthor would lose, but he’d rig the race so he’d get the prize money anyway. Ant-man would lose, because he’s Hank Pym, and if both Reed and Tony were in the race with him, there’s no way he could hope to win anyway.

Oh, and Bruce Banner’s car would be Gamma-Ray powered, suffer a minor setback early in the race enraging him, and the Hulk would smash the car into bits then ride what’s left like a unicycle across the finish line while being chased by US Army tanks.

Tony would win in a soapbox derby race, because his intellectual bent has always tended towards the practical, while Reed’s has tended towards the abstract. Reed would more than likely never bother to build his racer, having proven on paper that the design he created is theoretically sound and would work if he ever got around to it…but he’s just found a dimension that exists within a frequency of light, and he’s got to use the soapbox-derby-racer parts to build a prismatic dimensional viewer.

(The interesting corollary to that is, “If Reed Richards ever decided to sit down and make a suit of combat armor like Tony’s, it’d wind up being much better than the Iron Man armor–after all, he built exo-suits that duplicated his own stretching ability and Ben’s strength, without any seeming effort. But he just never bothered.”)

Stark would win because he’d BRIBE a supervillain to DESTROY Reed’s car midway through the race just to prove a POINT.

But if I have to go with just one–Sandman.

Right F’ing on!

Check out the second issue of the upcoming AVENGERS: EMH2 for a little visit to that very same barber shop…

Joe Casey