This column is two years old now, and I think the Spider-Totem thing will turn out to be pretty laughable.. once my stomach finally stops churning over the way it changed the whole essence of the character.
(It looks like One More Day/Brand New Day may have undone the whole thing, but they haven’t explained how yet. They’re probably still trying to come up with an idea to undo it that doesn’t come across as forced and stupid.)
Why wasn’t Straczinsky fired the moment he proposed this idea?

Make it be A theory as to how Spider-Man got his powers, but make it unclear.

Much later, the Other storyline basically just confirmed it, though, sadly.

What the fuck indeed.

2. What was your favorite and least favorite story from the Years Best Comics 2006 anthology?

I can honestly say I did not have one.

3. D’you think that Onion Jack, the only superhero story to make it in the book, is competitive in quality with the best superhero stories in comics last year?

Nope.

4. Of the four Avengers Books Currently Being Published (New Avengers, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Marvel Adventures: Avengers, Ultimates) which team is your favorite?

None. If I had to pick one or face execution or something I would pick Ultimates purely because of the [tryhard nerdy think its cool because they lack life experience stuff] of the creators – they are killing Marvel and no one at Marvel seems to realise or care.

5. What’s your favorite issue of Acme Novelty Library, based on book design?

pass. no idea what this is and care less.

6. Which Harvey character is most due for a comeback?

Hot Stuff. Allied soldiers can paint him on weapons n stuff while we fight the arabs

7. What’s your favorite Non-Marvel work by Steve Ditko?

Blue Beetle

8. Which Marvel Essential is hurt most by the lack of color? Which de-colorized Essential looks the coolest?

none look cool, all should be in colour. if they can’t afford to do that why the fuck are they wasting money on the short-term gains of eg Civil War?

9. What do you think of Fantagraphics’ Ignatz format books? Is the size and cool binding worth the extra cost?

Yep

10. Cheryl Blossom? Yea or nay?

Yes. Like it matters.

MY TEN

1. The “mystery” villain in Justice League of America, do you think Meltzer actually intended it to be a mystery, or was that just Wizard hype?

Don’t read Wizard since it is pathetic so no idea. Sure why not.

2. Anyone else amazed by how readable the latest 52 was? I have decided, surprisingly, to give Morrison the credit.

I didn’t think it was readable and don’t like Morrison.

3. Is it just me, or was the Escapists oddly paced?

No idea what this is and care less.

4. 10 years from now, how hilarious will the Spider-Totem stuff seem? I think the Iron Spidey stuff is no different from, like, Captain Universe Spider-Man, but the Spider-Totem stuff? Lordy.

JMS is overrated – way overrated. He is no Gene Roddenberry and his comic writing sucks ass. So yes, all of his crap is funny / sad now and that will grow with the passing of the years. Whatever company ends up owning the Marvel properties when Marvel goes terminally bankrupt will eliminate all this extraneous crap. Same with the Spirit- people look back fondly (on comics they never read) and “remember” classic Spirit not the end of the series space crap.

5. What current storyline do you think will be the FUNNIEST, looking back at it, ten years from now?

Ultimates and Authority or any of those try too hard type ultra serious books. Mainstream readers find them all funny anyway. Or just disturbing.

6. Did you know that Battle Pope actually eventually gets pretty good?

Don’t know, care less. If you get money for pimping it or something, good luck to you. Until there is also a Battle Mohammed book I won’t be reading anything that singles out one religion over another to slur.

7. Is Dick Grayson still officially adopted by Bruce Wayne in current DC continuity?

Don’t know, don’t care.

8. How is Sonic X different from the regular Sonic the Hedgehog comic book?

Superhero? Who gives a shit.

9. Who is your favorite Omega Man?

The one true one of course. Charlton Heston.

10. Were you able to get past the art in Wonder Man #1?

Don’t read it. Or, as of Civil War, any Marvels at all so that will make it easy to answer this if I do another one of these quizes.

2.) The anthology is currently sitting under my Christmas tree, so I’ll let you know in a few days. However, for those asking, La Perdita is extrordinary. It is better than Artbabe, in that Artbabe contained short, unconected stories. It’s like the difference between Ghost World and the other stuff in Eightball at the time.

3.) I’ll let you know this too.

5.) My favorite Acme is still the Quimby the Mouse issue (#2, I believe). Much as I love Acme, the formatting is really a pain in the ass. Unless you buy that big display from Fantagraphics, there’s really no way to store the damn things. But that one is not too big, not too small. Incidentally, I’m not sure if I like the nwe hardbound format. I’d be happier if the book had been like that from the beginning.

And I might as well answer 8.) as well: Steve Ditko’s work looks amazing in b&W, Jack Kirby’s not so much. I think this has more to do with the quality of inkers Kirby had than anything else.

The X-Men ones are great in B&W – that’s how I remember reading many of them in the UK. And Byrne’s work in Iron Fist looks superb without colour.

Best in B&W for my money is Silver Surfer.

All-Star Baby Huey. Written by Frank Miller. Drawn by Frank Miller. Lettered and colored by Frank Miller. Stapled by Frank Miller. Trees cut and paper milled by Frank Miller. You thought you knew Huey? Well, think again. (Say “you knew Huey” over and over again. It’s kind of fun.) Learn about the horrific experiments that led to his giantism while rendering him permanently infantile, and the rage that has consumed him ever since. (You can provide your own “What are you, retarded? etc.” joke here.)

Also, Porn Wendy the Good Little Witch. I had the hots for her when I was a little boy. (And this is why my identity must remain a secret.)

Hurt the most, probably the classic Kirby Silver Age stuff. I was looking at my Essential Fantastic Four volumes, then remembered that I had the DVD with the entire series collected, and color made a big, noticeable difference.

Not Marvel, but I think DC’s Jonah Hex Showcase looks very, very good in black and white.

That would be http://www.chronologyproject.com

garbonzo (proud member of the marvel chronology project since 2004)

Or is everybody just ignoring the Bendis version?

Got it in one. You look at that run of Ultimate Marvel Team-Up and about half of it’s been thrown out. Doesn’t really matter to me that much but I daresay somewhere there’s a guy with a web page indexing all the anomalies and trying to reconcile them. If not yet, then soon.

I occasionally think about possible answers myself, particularly in trying to figure out the FF one, but I have the Wold-Newton-geek thing of not asking the question unless I can also suggest an amusing answer. So far I’ve got nothing. Might get a column out of it eventually… been playing with one about “Icebox” questions, as Alfred Hitchcock called them.

I have a peeve with Ultimate Iron Man though. He has two different origin stories, doesn’t he? I remeber his origin being told in Ultimate an Marvel Team Up issue written by Bendis (as they all were) and drawn by Mike Allred. Off the succes of The Ultimates came the Ultimate Iron mini-series by Orson Scott Card and Andy Kubert, which told his origin. But how about the origin told in team-up?

I prefer the story of the mini series and I think it fits the Tony stark in Ultimates better, but hasn’t anybody ever mentioned or tried to fix this? Or is everybody just ignoring the Bendis version?

1. Bunny Slippers are a Good Sign. Kirby would’ve put Barda in bunny slippers.

2. DanLarkin – How WAS La Perdida? I didn’t like Abel’s Artbabe much ‘tall, but I heard she got better.Rabbithead was great, but I liked it better on it’s own and bigger. You can’t really see her how the first panel laps back to the first one.

3. Yes. Onion Jack is the best superhero story of last year.

4. Adventures or Ultimates.

5. # 3 which was huge, like Quimby the Mouse. I heard there was gonna be a little teeny one but I haven’t seen it.

6. Wendy. Aren’t witches in this year? Richie Rich just rubs all my class issues the wrong way.

7. Yeah. Can’t say either, although my favorite of his stuff was Charlton. I’ve got a couple ROMANCE comics with Ditko art and they look really, really good. Maybe the Question, just ’cause it’s such a great design. But, yeah, I put that one ’cause I couldn’t decide.

8. (Weirdly) I really liked Tomb of Dracula without color. The Steranko Cap stuff was really hurt by the colorlessness. (Haven’t read any Wolverine, though.)

9. Too expensive, dammit! I’d buy all of these if they were two bucks cheaper. (I probably will anyway.)

10. No, see, this question is THE most important. Let me rephrase.

How adaptable is the Archie-verse? Can elements be changed without destroying it’s basic integrity?

Cronin’s…

14. I like the Spider-Totem. It’s like a spiritualist take on Spider-man. Interesting. I mean, C + for execution, but good in theory.

15. I can’t imagine history being too kind to Iron Spider or the current Flash.

19. Which one was Omega Men and which was Atari Force again? Can I say the Hukka?

He was adopted in Devin Grayson’s Gotham Knights I believe.

Eh, looking at it again, I think I’m reading into too much (mountain meet molehill). But when he described his upcoming “serious” mini as being filled with “fat marvels, thin marvels, short marvels and tall marvels” struck me as humorously counter-pointing/parodying the comments that you wouldn’t be seeing any of that stuff in Trials of Shazam because they were too silly for a serious title.

Apparently I am easily amused.

2.,3.abstain

4. Marvel Adventures: Avengers; it’s a fun book

5. Jimmy Corrigan, the Smartest Kid on Earth

6. Baby Huey

7. Probably his Charlton stuff

8. I think they’re all hurt by lack of color. I can’t really think of one I liked the look of.

9. I like ‘em, I’d say they’re worth the extra cost.

10. You better believe yea!

The Deuce!
1. I think it would have gone better if not for the Wizard hype.

2. Not amazed, I actually like 52.

3. abstain

4. The spider-totem stuff will probably be even worse looking in retrospect. Of course, never as bad as the sins past stuff.

5. Two words: Onslaught Reborn

6. (Johnny Carson voice) I did not know that. Weird, wild stuff.

7. According to Batman he was only adopted as Bruce’s ward.

8. I wouldn’t know.

9. Charlton Heston

10. I wasn’t interested in the first place.

I did not. Talk to me.