SPIDER-MANDATE: The Lowe-down on "Secret Wars," Tie-Ins and Stacey Lee
At least that’s what Greg Hatcher tells us!Â Let’s examine the evidence!
Why, in the 1970s …
Batman was so bad-ass he would leap from one World War I biplane to another!
Kinky robot-human love was all the rage!
Batman actually knew what a sense of humor was, and employed it occasionally!
People actually went out in public dressed like this!
Batman didn’t scare the bejeesus out of children!
A big purple guy could threaten youÂ with a Time-Mind Sync-Warp!
(And, of course, you could actually find out what it does to you!)
A hero could have such a life-altering experience that it would turn his hair from white … to blond!
Comics creators could actually drop acid and draw comics … and no one would notice!
Two single women could take in an unrelated adolescent orphan … and no one would think it’s strange!
Wolverine was still mysterious!
Wolverine still had his cute little anger management problem, threatening his teammates with his razor-sharp claws at the drop of a hat!
Â (13)Â Â (14)
Characters had backstories that actually incorporated real-life events!
(OfÂ course, this would make Ororo 51 years old today [Edit: Whoops!Â I mean 56], but it’s still kind of cool.)
JeanÂ Grey and Misty Knight were roommates!
(You know you’d buy a series about their zany adventures in the Big City.Â Gail Simone or Dan Slott could write it!)
All super-villains really wanted was a cold Schlitz!Â
Someone could walk around dressed like this, call himself the Foolkiller, and nobody would call the Village People to come pick him up!
Women were really smart!
Batman was so smooth with the ladies, he would just show up inÂ a woman’sÂ hotel room while she was wearing a towel!
Scott Summers was a whiny dick.Â Oh, wait a minute … he still is!
Â (21) Â (22)
Denny O’Neil and Marshall Rogers’ illustrated prose Batman story wasÂ much better than Grant Morrison and John van Fleet’s!
Superman got out of airplanes by … going through the toilet!Â
(Seriously, the next panel shows him outside of the plane.Â How else did he get out?)
Among Superman’sÂ many superpowers, one was super-math skills!Â
Batman actually used detecting skills!
You could light up a cigarette in aÂ science/medical laboratory.Â Good times!Â
Oh, and Captain America was still alive!Â Imagine what that must have been like!
I guess Greg was right – comics were better in the Seventies!
Key: (1) Detective Comics #404, October 1970.Â Written by Denny O’Neil, drawn by Neal Adams, inked by Dick Giordano.Â Reprinted in The Greatest Batman Stories Ever Told (original edition, 1988).Â Â (2) Avengers #91, August 1971.Â Written by Roy Thomas,Â art by Sal Buscema.Â Reprinted in The Kree-Skrull War trade paperback, among other places.Â (3) Batman #234, August 1971.Â Written by Denny O’Neil, drawn by Neal Adams,Â inked by Dick Giordano.Â Reprinted in The GreatestÂ Batman Storeis Ever Told.Â (4) Avengers #92, September 1971.Â Written by Roy Thomas, art by Sal Buscema.Â Reprinted in The Kree-Skrull War trade paperback.Â (5) Batman #250, July 1973.Â Written by Frank Robbins,Â art by Dick Giordano.Â Reprinted in The Greatest Batman Stories Ever Told.Â Â (6) Captain Marvel #28, September 1973.Â Written and drawn by Jim Starlin, with script possibly by Mike Friedrich (or Steve Englehart, even).Â Reprinted in The Life and Death of Captain Marvel trade paperback.Â (7)Â &Â (8) Captain Marvel #29, November 1973, and Captain MarvelÂ #30, January 1974.Â Written and drawn byÂ Jim Starlin.Â Reprinted in The Life and Death of Captain Marvel.Â (9) & (10) Captain Marvel #29 and Captain MarvelÂ #33, July 1974.Â Reprinted in The Life and Death of Captain Marvel.Â Â (11) Omega the Unknown #1, March 1976.Â Written by Steve Gerber and Mary Skrenes,Â artÂ by Jim Mooney.Â Reprinted inÂ the Omega the Unknown trade paperback.Â Â (12) X-Men (before it was Uncanny) #98, April 1976.Â Â Written by Chris Claremont, drawn by Dave Cockrum, inkedÂ by Sam Grainger.Â Reprinted in Marvel Masterworks vol. 11.Â (13) & (14) X-Men #101, October 1976.Â Written by Chris Claremont, drawn by Dave Cockrum, inked by Frank Chiaramonte andÂ #102, December 1976.Â Written by Claremont, drawn by Cockrum, inked by Sam Grainger.Â Reprinted in Marvel Masterworks vol. 12.Â (15) X-Men #102.Â (16) X-Men #102.Â Â (17) The Defenders #48.Â June, 1977.Â Written by David Kraft, drawn by Keith Giffen, inked by Dan Green.Â (18) Omega the Unknown #9, July 1977.Â Written by Steve Gerber and Mary Skrenes, art byÂ Jim Mooney.Â Reprinted in theÂ Omega the Unknown trade paperback.Â Â (19) Detective Comics #474, January 1978.Â Written by Steve Englehart, drawn by Marshall Rogers, inked by Terry Austin.Â Reprinted in The Greatest Batman Stories EverÂ Told.Â Â (20) Detective Comics #475, February 1978.Â Written by Steve Englehart, drawn by Marshall Rogers, inkedÂ by Terry Austin.Â Reprinted in The Greatest Joker Stories Ever Told (original edition, 1988).Â (21) & (22) X-Men #109, February 1978.Â Written by Chris Claremont, drawn by John Byrne, inked by Terry Austin.Â X-Men #114, October 1978.Â Written by Claremont, drawn by Byrne, inked byÂ Austin.Â Reprinted in Marvel Masterworks vol. 12 and vol. 24.Â (23) DC Special Series #15, Summer 1978.Â Written by Denny O’Neil,Â art by Marshall Rogers.Â Â (24)Â DC Comics Presents #4, December 1978.Â Written by Len Wein, art by Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez.Â Reprinted in the Superman: Back in Action trade paperback.Â Â (25)Â DC Comics Presents #4.Â (26) Batman #312, June 1979.Â Written by Len Wein, drawn by Walt Simonson, inked by Dick Giordano.Â Reprinted in The Greatest Batman Stories EverÂ Told.Â (27) DC Comics Presents #24, August 1980.Â Written by Len Wein, art by Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez.Â Reprinted in the Superman: Back in Action trade paperback.Â Yes, I know the date.Â Anything prior to Reagan’s electionÂ is technically the 1970s!Â (28) Avengers #95, January 1972.Â Written by Roy Thomas,Â art by Neal Adams.Â Reprinted in The Kree-Skrull War trade paperback.
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