Comic Book Resources

Pff! Metal is way gay.

Everbody knows that the most masculine thing is wood.

I don't know about that:

"The Sentinel (Green Lantern) is powerless against wood."

That sounds pretty gay to me...

How can someone with the name "Viking Bastard" speak ill of the primortial goo that gave birth to our dark lords, like Dio and Bruce Dickenson?

Where you been, Brian? The whole organic steel industry's gay.

The best thing about this post is that it showed up with a big ol' She-Ra advertisement.

A better point cannot be made about Ultimate Colossus' status as a homosexual.

Uhm...
I don't get it. If this is meant as a joke it's a pretty weak one.

It's not serious is it?

Later, it's revealed that "Brian Cronin" is actually Chuck Dixon's pseudonym.

Also, "Jake" is a pseudonym for Frank Miller.

Oh, I've figured it all out.

This was really stupid. No wonder the comic industry is going to shambles and we can't get new readers. It's loaded with a bunch of geek homophobes that can't get laid, but will feel comfortable enough reading funny books about ripped men in tights and speedos slamming it down with each other. Do the few evolved fans a favor and stick to watching Fox News . . . we don't need you holding the industry back.

This is a pretty lame joke, if that is what it is supposed to be. Simply being sarcastic and swearing a lot doesn't make you funny. I'm sure it had you and your buddy Jake rolling on the floor, but it comes across as pretty immature and pointless in print, especially considering the fact that the reveal of Colossus being gay happened quite a while ago. Not to mention, its not clear if you are being homophobic and thinking that its funny or if you are making fun of homophobes.

They're making fun of homphobes. I've actually seen the seriuous version of this conversation play out at other sites nearly every time the old "Ultimate Marvel sucks/rules!" nonsense comes up.

Spoiler warning, anyone?

That the entire conversation in the post is lame, lacking in any kind of genuine content or argument as to why it was a bad choice to make the character gay, and that it's all just over the top swearing and general idiocy, I suspect, is the point. That it's lame, is what makes it funny. That it is probably word for word the conversation at least 20 different homophobic fanboys from 15 to 35 had while participating in a circlejerk in mommy's basement over a crudely drawn Psylocke / Witchblade lesbian scene makes it funnier.
The intent that this was a post making fun of homophobes was pretty clear, everyone who posted in comments here seemed to get that that was very likely the intent of the post.
That the post isn't exactly timely is probably a good point. Still, it gave me a chuckle before having to drag my ass to work for the day.

Oh, and metal=totally gay.

Methinks he doth protest too much.

Dude, it's totally OK to have these feelings.

Yeah, I dunno why Brian dragged this out like a year later, but we did this pretty much immediately following an actual argument in a thread where someone was seriously saying that Colossus should not be gay because he's supposed to be "strong and masculine" or something to that effect.

The effect of it now is kinda odd, being pulled out of context, but there's no homophobia going on on my end, just some honest contempt towards anyone who would make a serious argument like that.

I do suspect that Brian hates everyone who isn't white and straight though.

There are two camps on this conversation: 1) Righteous dude! and 2) Idiots. There are also two sides to the Universe in the whole comic-view of things: 1)Light, order, good read: intelligent) and 2) Dark, chaotic and evil (read: stupid). We need them both, I'm told. And at least we got stupid covered now.

The responses to this post are awesome. Who are these people? My guess: Civil War fans.

Wow, I've only been awake an hour and I think I've already seen my stupidity quota for the day.

I'm referring to some of the comments, not the post.

SEAN

Surnameless Sean, trust me -- there are still plenty of people out there who bring up "gay Colossus is Teh Evil!" as one of their anti-Ultimate Marvel arguments.

I understand that maybe the writers were trying to be funny and poke fun at other readers who have a problem with a major X-man being gay, but the continued use of offensive terms for gays throughout the story undercut that message.

Using the word, "homo" in this context is not funny. Same with "queer." While the writers may have been trying to do good with this piece (and I'm just guessing here - maybe they really are offended by gay superheroes), any non-straight reader and those sensative to gay and lesbian issues are going to be turned off.

Maybe you don't really get it, Dan, and perhaps I don't remember the whole thing too well, given that it was at least a year ago, but we were really trying to be as offensively, boneheadedly homophobic as possible to illustrate the point of how morinic the people who were actually freaking out about Colossus being gay actually were.

Do I genuinely have these thoughts? Of course not. But I have an imagination.

And still, I think that a huge piece of the humor is lost when the parody doesn't follow the actual argument where something like 3 guys said that Ultimate Colossus being gay "ruins the character" and is actually "damaging to comics" in general.

It is entirely possible to completely understand that the post is meant as a joke and still not think it's funny. It's not exaggerated enough to be a good parody (kinda like 'Date Movie' or 'Epic Movie' without people falling down and/or farting).

Yeah, I don't have a problem with thinking it's not funny. Personally I think the one we did about Claremont getting replaced by Brubaker on Uncanny X-Men to be much better, but my issue is with people calling it offensive.

*Sniffs* - Ah, this is a nostalgic chestnut.

Yeah, I know Brian and Jake well enough to know that they are not homophobes in any way, shape, or form. They post on CBR's X-Boards, there's no way you cannot be there and at least be comfortable associating with gays. You can't swing a cat without hitting several there.

And yes, the real version of threads/discussions like this is very stupid, scary, and in no way shape or form funny. There's some really really weak sauce arguments for why Ultimate Colossus shouldn't be gay. Such as it "Ruins his character" or other such nonsense.

I don't get it. Why are floppy fanboys homophobes again? Isn't the whole superhero comic scene one of the most homoerotic media in the world? Right up there with Body Building Mags. Manly man, sure.

Yeah, I dunno why Brian dragged this out like a year later,

Like I said, someone brought it up just a couple of days ago. I got an e-mail about it.

"I understand that maybe the writers were trying to be funny and poke fun at other readers who have a problem with a major X-man being gay, but the continued use of offensive terms for gays throughout the story undercut that message."

Like the continued use of "nigger" undercut the message of Blazing Saddles?

Blazing Saddles is an entirely different beast altogether. This is simply a rant on how people act on message boards. There is little in terms of set-up or satire. It's like repeating what someone says in a whiney voice and expecting it to be comedy gold. Blazing Saddles on the other hand used the "n-word" strategically, in addition to spot-on satire of the Western genre, the American political climate at the time, etc to create a fuller vision of the absurdities and irrationality of racism. There's really no comparison both in terms of message and comedic value between this post and Blazing Saddles.

As far offensiveness goes, this is offensive in that it is nothing both homophobic jokes being made sarcastically. There is nothing else going on here, so at first glance it appears to be nothing but homophobic jokes. The intentions are in the right place, but the execution totally pulls the rug out from under whatever Brian and Jake were trying to accomplish.

To be truthfully honest, there's just not enough lesbians in the Ultimate universe.

After all, lesbians are the "in" thing these days, check out "the L word" if you don't believe me.

I always loved how fans are totally secure with years of Colossus being a pedophile with an underage girl, but freak out about the Ultimate Colossus thing.
I still suspect the "REAL COLOSSUS" may be in the closet. You have to admit, Kitty Pryde was sorta "boyish" back in the old days....

Wow. Isn't it amazingly ironic that people are making a stink about Brian making fun of people for making a stink about something that's no big deal?

Yes. Yes, it is.

A little sad, too. But sort of satisfying. Like watching worms squirm around in the mud.

this is pretty juvenile and offensively homophobic.

i was leaning toward the "sarcastic/ironic" interpretation, but your opening paragraph makes it pretty clear that you are posting this at face-value as some kind of witty "regular guy" banter.

I hope I'm wrong. If not, you should be ashamed.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v605/lilshorty6478/arguing.jpg

IT MUST BE REAL, BRIAN TOTALLY SAID HE WAS "SUPER SERIOUS"!

How f-ing stupid can people get?

I'm really, really, really offended. It's as bad as that horrible Flintstone's theme song--Fred and Barney having a "gay old time." And I'm super duper serious.

Jake: GOD CREATED COLOSSUS TO BE STRAIGHT AND MANLY AND HAVE SEX WITH WOMEN LIKE KITTY PRYDE.

This? Made me laugh aloud.

The rest of the piece, I think, may too in-jokey for me to really appreciate...but boy, do I recognise the broad outlines from other boards.

Either way, I'm having a really, really hard time believing that anyone could miss the satirical intent here. Apodaca's right; if you get upset, you automatically become part of the gag.

I thought it was funny.

It's a pretty spot-on parody of X-men fans, really. They're all insane and take shit way to seriously.

And I guess I know/have lived with enough gay people t'not be knee-jerkedly offended when the word "homo" is used in an ironic context.

Wow. That a waste of space. If homophobia is supposed to be funny then I don't get the joke.

Have a good day.
John Cage

Yeah, anybody who's offended by this is a moron. I mean, I don't think it's actually funny, but not because it's even remotely offensive. But then, I remember reading it when Brian posted it at the old blog, so maybe context helps.

Actually, no, it's not the context. It's just that people are stupid.

Comic books aren't like television or movies. Gay comics won't work. You can put anything on Television, simply put. But I never found it extemely interesting turning characters gay.

There's no problem with people not liking it. Why are people supposed to be required to like it? By some definitions people do homophobic things everyday: men date woman and women date men. It's not a prerequisite to like gay collosus. Are most people going to act like they find it normal, only if it prevents them from being harrassed.

Gay collosus probably just another unneccesary update in the universe. You change the characters too much,you may as well change their name.

Is drinking homogenized milk considered homophobic? Are we going to have to take sensitivity tests in gay camps because we're people who date the opposite member of the species?

Wow. When I first read this I was very offended. I was seriously thinking, "Come on! It's 2007 and I'm reading this kind of crap on my favorite comic book website?!" It took browsing down through the comments to figure out what this was all about.

Maybe Brian should have explained what was going on in this post. I don't know. But that might have helped as I was sitting there going, "What in the world am I reading?!"

I think that it's very hard to be satirical out of context like this. And saying that things are funny or not is very hard to do. Some people like Wes Anderson movies and others enjoy Scary Movie. To each his own.

Not even 2am and I've already seen my stupidity quota for Friday as well. Astounding.

Wow, being one myself, I am so not sure how to take this. If its a joke, its pretty 4th grade. Ifits a true conversation, its more like 3rd. but here are my two cents:

1 cent: metal is gay. Its all about the glitter and the stainless steel home furnishings.
2 cent: come on, he would certainly be more into someone less like Logan and more like Bobby. (wait is Bobby dead in ultimates? I tend to forget and not care.)

"There’s no problem with people not liking it. Why are people supposed to be required to like it? By some definitions people do homophobic things everyday: men date woman and women date men. It’s not a prerequisite to like gay collosus. Are most people going to act like they find it normal, only if it prevents them from being harrassed."

This was funnier than anything in the post that started the thread. Well done, Anonymous, you are truly a master of subtle satire.

"Like the continued use of “n----r” undercut the message of Blazing Saddles?"

Are you really comparing Brian and Jake to Mel Brooks and Richard Pryor?

Yes, that's right. He's saying they are exactly like Mel Brooks and Richard Pryor. In every possible way. Good work, son.

"But I never found it extemely interesting turning characters gay."

Actually, I'm kinda with Anonymous on that; I do think it's one of those lame tricks of the Ultimate Universe that they say, "Hey, we're cutting edge, this guy here? He's BLACK now! And, woah, this guy? He's totally gay!" I understand and support the need for diversity, that just seems like a really surfacey way to do it. (I liked Michael Clarke Duncan in 'Daredevil', because he's a good big actor, and because they made the character black, as opposed to just making his face black.)

However, if a writer were to write an arc where mainstream Colossus gradually comes to terms with his own homosexuality, and eventually embraces it, that would be cool. So it's not the "turning gay" that bothers me [although, when phrased that way, it sounds lame], it's just the way the Ultimate universe does stuff like that that seems lame.

Although Colossus has always been pretty lame anyway; this does sound like the most interesting thing they've ever done with him.

"He’s saying they are exactly like Mel Brooks and Richard Pryor. In every possible way."

Wow, you have a bizarre definition of "comparing". The guy explicitly compared the post to 'Blazing Saddles'; if you don't understand that that is also comparing the writers of the post to the writers of 'Blazing Saddles', I don't know what to tell you.

"Good work, son."

Thanks. Wish I could say the same, but your post is pretty illogical.

No one "turned" Ultimate Colossus gay. He always has been. 616 Colossus isn't, but that's a different character.

Is this really that hard for fanboys to understand? I thought they were obsessed with this kind of minutae.

"Wow, you have a bizarre definition of “comparing”. The guy explicitly compared the post to ‘Blazing Saddles’; if you don’t understand that that is also comparing the writers of the post to the writers of ‘Blazing Saddles’, I don’t know what to tell you."

Irony! I was pointing out the poor logic of your argument. Your tactic of treating someone's specific statement as if it were a generalization is a common error in rhetoric and especially on the internet. We've all seen it a million times, and it doesn't hold up. Let me be as explicit as possible: the poster isn't comparing the writers of one piece to the other. He is comparing one specific use of an offensive slur in one piece to one specific use of an offensive slur in the other, and the comparison doesn't go any further than that. So stop pretending that it does.

I hope this works.

Comic books aren’t like television or movies. Gay comics won’t work. You can put anything on Television, simply put. But I never found it extemely interesting turning characters gay.

There’s no problem with people not liking it. Why are people supposed to be required to like it? By some definitions people do homophobic things everyday: men date woman and women date men. It’s not a prerequisite to like gay collosus. Are most people going to act like they find it normal, only if it prevents them from being harrassed.

Gay collosus probably just another unneccesary update in the universe. You change the characters too much,you may as well change their name.

To everyone who says that homophobia isn't funny, I give you exhibit A.

Not to over generalize or anything but comic books fans can be really goddamn stupid sometimes.

I'm gay and I wasn't even remotely offended by the satirical use of the word "homo" or "queer". Note to bleeding heart reactionary idiots: bleed someplace else.

For the win

"Q For Queer!"

Hilarious

You know, whenever a post I don't like goes up on Comics Should Be Good goes up, it involves making fun of other, "lesser" comic book fans in ways that only comic book fans could find anything but embarrassing. It'd be one thing to lampoon the opinions, which are often dumb, but the attacks inevitably become ad hominem rubbish.