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Grant Morrison Chastized by Grant Morrison Fans for not recognizing the genius of Grant Morrison

Whenever a new work written by Grant Morrison is released, there are usually two very extreme reactions to it; either it’s a staggering work of kinetic genius, or it’s a bunch of incomprehensible, pretentious gobbledygook. So, a critic taking the second opinion isn’t usually such an Earth shattering thing (unless he’s Greg Burgas or something and has invectives and other metaphorical feces hurled at him). Except for the fact that this time, it was Grant Morrison himself.Morrison was heavily critical of the latest issue All Star Superman, released last week, and spoke his mind in a press release sent exclusively to Comics Should Be Good and other Morrison fan sites*.

“To be honest, I just couldn’t make heads or tails of it,” Morrison said. “I think it was all just gibberish. Weirdness for weirdness’s sake, you know? I mean, there were some nice ideas, but I just don’t think it was much of a story. I mean, Elliot Maggin did this kind of stuff much better in half the space Frank and I are taking.”

“I mean,” he continued “did I really need to take two issues for a Bizarro World story? And did those two issues need to take so long? With Batman running late too? I am such a prima-donna! I’m really killing the comics industry,” he said, without a hint of irony. “I should buckle down and hit my deadlines more, even if it means sacking Frank (Quitely) in favor of Tom Grinderburg or Ron Wilson.”

Morrison went on to further savage his long time collaborative partner.

“And another thing! I just realized that all of Frank’s critics were totally right. He really does suck! He should learn to draw more like a real comics artist, a Mike Turner, a Greg Land, or a similar craftsman. I just don’t think his Lois Lane shows enough thong, you know? And he has not once directly traced a layout from an old Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. What the hell is he doing during all that time it takes to get an issue out, growing roses?” Then there was some screed about Latina hookers, Christopher Reeve being a pussy, and how we should all buy full runs of Lab Rats and masturbate on them. It was weird.

When John Byrne was contacted and asked why he was impersonating Grant Morrison, he sent an invective filled letter about the aforementioned topics . I could go in to more, but I just came up with the Byrne impersonating Morrison angle, and I’m just gonna plow ahead with the other jokes I had planned and kind of ignore it.

Anyway, Morrison’s scathing review led to an agry rebuttle from his fan base.

“Morrison is an idiot for not appreciating the greatness of Morrison,” blogger Joe Rice said. “He is a total fucking idiot with objectively bad taste.”

“If Grant Morrison can’t see how great his work with Frank Quitely, he must be retarded or something,” Alex Cox, proprietor of Rocketship and avowed Morrison fan/mental capacity evaluator added.

Scientists argue that if this kind of criticism of Morrison’s criticism of his work continues, the world could implode via a series of events that can only be described in fiddly technobabble that sounds cool but may or may not be utter bullshit, eventually causing a giant black hole of irony to consume all life in its path.

“That thing about only being describe it via fiddly technobabble? That’s feeding the irony blackhole. It’s all kind of confusing, but there are some cool ideas in there,” a scientist said.**

Morrison’s critics of his criticism of himself are unswayed, however.

“I don’t care if it brings about the end of the world,” Rice said. “If I can’t berate people for not sharing my taste, how can life possibly be worth living anyway?”

*- Well, everyone else thinks we are, right?
**- I assume he was a scientist. He had a labcoat and a beaker. He could have just been a vagrant or one of those scientist impersonators. Or a mass hallucination.


So, what’s Ellis got to say about it?

In other Brit-comic news, as word of the upcoming Watchmen movie spread across the Atlantic, Alan Moore threatened to remove his name from his own name. He will now go only by the title Captain Beardyface.

That was pretty funny, but I thought it would be even funnier if Morrison fans had been caught in the paradox of supporting critic-Morrison’s writings while simultaneously defending writer-Morrison’s honor. You could have have even turned one of the Morrison personas into a Bizarro to parallel the comic in question.

In fact, I should do that myself. Sadly I can’t write and don’t have a high-profile blog with which to place it.

Ellis was too busy raping Speedball to comment.

It was probably a scientitian.

Excuse me, but I’d just like to say that I’ve never bought into the “Grant Morrison is God” crap. I have never once been inspired to pick up a title, or a single issue because his name was on it.

I only bought We3 because I liked the concept. I enjoyed it.

Just for the record.

Oh, and I happened, late one night, to see a piece on some arts programme about him, and he was talking at a con or something and he was pissed out of his head. My what a hero…

Nitz the Bloody

July 14, 2007 at 1:56 pm

Very clever article, Mr. Curran. Another good article title would have been ” Alternate Universe Where Grant Morrison Is Held Accountable For Storytelling Errors Discovered “.

I know, man. Nobody cool EVER drinks alcohol.

You’re the real hero, Patent Dragon, for refusing to be swayed by things like “quality” and “skill”. What really matters is if you’re different enough from other people that you can define your personality by that. Contrarians rule!

You’re so much better than me. Mostly because you haven’t read some of the most brilliant comic books ever made. That probably makes you smarter too, knowing less.

It’s OK. Apodaca just has a congenital inability to not take things seriously.

Cute article, Brad.

Now I’m confused about who is being serious and who is being ironic here.

On the one hand, it did seem like people were picking the new All-Star apart.

On the other hand, its always annoying to see people who cannot admit they screwed up.

The only really bad part about the story as far as I could see was the plot hole they left when they just ignored Lois Lane becoming African American. I’m still wondering how that happened.

This comment thread is getting almost as confusing as Bizarro Sarcasm.

Man, I sure hope at least one person in this comments section is kidding.

My bad re the quote thing. Sorry.


Um, wait, it’s mid-July, not April 1st. I’m so confused!

It’s OK. Apodaca just has a congenital inability to not take things seriously.

Just goes to show you don’t know me at all. I don’t take anything seriously and often get shit for being irreverent.

I was making fun of PD. Laughing at his expense (irreverence). If he was being sarcastic, then I just misread it.

My apologies to all concerned. Fools rushing in, and all that…

Thing is, I never ACTUALLY criticised Morrison’s WORK. The only time I mentioned it (We3), I said I enjoyed it. Apodaca’s response just SEEMED to come across as the kind of rabid “Church of Morrison” thing which was the focus of my post. So yeah, you might just have misread it – it happens.

There are a whole heap of people in my record, comic and DVD collections who drink, and I don’t think any less of them because of it. Alcohol can, unfortunately, make apparently balanced people into idiots, and that I have a problem with, with good reason. Just doesn’t impress me, no sir.

We now return you to your regular scheduled programming.

Alcohol can, unfortunately, make apparently balanced people into idiots, and that I have a problem with, with good reason.

Nah, see I think the “good reason” thing is where I say you’re being silly. I mean, what’s the good reason for you having a problem with Grant Morrison being drunk on TV? Did he catcall your girlfriend or something?

Thing is, I never ACTUALLY criticised Morrison’s WORK.

And that was exactly why I felt the need to respond. It seemed like you were criticising him just for the sake of criticising him. I thought that was pretty lame.

Whatever Ellis’ response, you can be sure it contains the word ‘shiteyes’.
I think he signs his personal letters with that these days… ‘shiteyes’ or ‘splode’.

One of them.

Ellis = one part Hunter Thompson, reduced to surface elements then watered-down; add ideas already introduced by better Brits; mix with B-movie dialog and action; serve with carefully crafted tuff-guy, alcoholic image.

And apparently people buy it.

I’m with Apodaca on this one. For my tastes Morrison’s work ranges from incomprehensible through to comprehensible but boring through to genius, but seeing him pissed on telly wouldn’t change my opinion of him one way or the other.

If you ever seen the man, buy him a drink and tell him it’s from me. No hard feelings.

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