Where To Find Marvel's Heroes In Its "All-New, All-Different" Universe
Following on the heels of this Earth-Shattering, if not particularly well proof read, announcement, word has just come in to CBSG’s crack staff of investigative reporters (i.e., a group of trained monkeys and Greg Burgas’s children) that all of comicdom’s most prominent self publishers have decided they want to chase that dollar dollar bill, y’all, at the expense of all their accured credibility.
Harvey Pekar was the first prominent member of the self publishing community (even if he just had a mini-series released under the Vertigo banner and most of his books seem to be released by “real” book publishers; just go with it) to announce his intentions to cash in.
“Me and Crumb saw all these guys like Groth over at Fantagraphics and those Frenchies from D&Q cashin’ in,” the former champion of naturalism and observations of the mundane said from the his newly acquired palatial mansion. “So, we decided ta get on that gravy train.”
With that in mind, Pekar announced the subject of his next collaboration with the Underground Comix king and counter culture icon; a graphic novel based on the video game Halo, whose latest (and final) sequel will be released at midnight tonight. Not that I pre-ordered it or anything.
“Video games are all the rage these days. Comics are the past. I’m sure me an’ Crumb lost all the youth readers Splendor used to get ‘cuz they would rather play those damn things” Pekar continued. “I’m just hopin’ this works as a spring board in to the game industry. I have this great idea for an American Splendor MMORPG where you just wander around a virtual Cleaveland and make wry and occasionally poignant observations about everyday life.”
“There might also be some ogres or somethin,” Pekar added. “It’s just an idea right now.”
It’s one thing that Pekar would be attached to such a book, but what about the famously misanthropic Crumb?
“It’s true, I hate most everything and everyone,” the legendary cartoonist said. “One thing I do like is pwning n00bs on Xbox Live, though. My gamer tag is RCRUMBSAIYAN316; let’s play capture the flag some time!”
Crumb went on to go in to deep detail about his obsession with women with large asses. But I won’t quote any of that.
Everyone’s favorite mysognistic hermit from the Great White North, Dave Sim, has also thrown his hat in the sell out ring.
“Even though I no longer own a TV or Radio, and spend all my time reading the Bible and ignoring my penis, I still love High School Musical. So I’m coming out of retirement to do an adaptation of that,” Sim said. Then he went on to say horrible things about that one actress from that movie who has the naked pictures circulating around the ‘net. I won’t quote that either.
Chris Ware defended his own entry in to the licensed comic field.
“I just always wanted to do a morose, ornate version of ROM, okay? I would have sold out sooner had Marvel not lost the license. As it was, I had to win it at a silent auction at Parker Bros. HQ. It only cost $12, but still; I was going antiquing with my wife that day, and it really ate in to time I could have spent looking for grandfather clocks.”
Then he went in to detail about antqiues. I would quote that, but I fell asleep midway through the ordeal. Just like Jimmy Corrigan! Take that, literary masterpiece of the comics medium. Nah, I’m kidding.
art spiegelman was, as usual, the trendsetter in the alt-comics world.
“Dude, I used to do the art for Garbage Pale Kids trading cards at Topps,” spiegelman said from his New York loft. “I sold out way before the rest of these guys. Also, I ghost-pencilled Spawn for three years. It was part of an elaborate gag Todd McFarlane and I concocted. He drew years worth of New Yorker covers for me. It was hilarious.”
When asked for comment, all McFarlane had to say was “Hey, you want some toys? You can’t play with them, but they look really cool.” That is literally all Todd McFarlane can say that is not about record setting home run balls or Marvel being like a plantation. I’m serious; try to talk to him sometime and see what happens.
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