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Top Five Things Superman Should Have Said to Flash in Flash #233

Tuesday, October 30th, 2007 at 9:12 PM EST

Updated: Tuesday, October 30th, 2007 at 9:16 PM EST

Let me establish right off the bat that I have no problem with the basic concept of misunderstandings between characters leading to conflict. It is quite the long-standing literary technique. However, I think it is still fair to take issue with those instances where misunderstandings come from characters saying things they would not normally say, but things that had to be said for a misunderstanding to exist. Said situation occurred in the most recent issue of Flash (Spoiler Warning!), where Superman said to Flash (after the Justice League assisted the Flash on a case) - “Wally…we’re not here socially. We’re here about the way you take Jai and Iris into battle. We’ve come for the kids.” After a couple of pages of Wally freaking out, Superman elaborates that when he said “we’ve come for the kids,” he just meant “we came on their behalf, to discuss the situation.”

In honor of that wonderful turn of phrase by Superman, here are the top five things Superman SHOULD have said to Flash…

Enjoy!

For each of these, imagine Wally’s response as one of outrage, followed by Superman’s second sentence, which is explaining the first one (except for #3, as that one stands on its own).

5. “We are here to steal your children!!”

“Oh, sorry, I just meant that we were going to steal them away for the afternoon to see a movie!”

4. “You and Linda are unfit parents!!!”

“Oh, sorry, I just meant that your wardrobe looked a little ragged. We came by to take the whole family on a shopping spree, courtesy of Bruce Wayne!”

3. “The Viper is coming.”

2. “Your children are going to die!!”

“Oh, sorry, I meant they were going to die laughing from all the fun we’re going to have at the Children’s Zoo later today! We’re all here to invite you to a Justice League party!”

1. “We are here to murder your children!”

“Oh, sorry, I just meant we are going to kill them”

29 Comments

How do you pronounce Flash’s son’s name?

“Hi” or “Jay”?

It’s funny, because I thought it was “Ji” (rhyming with “hi”).

Is it even a Korean name?

FunkyGreenJerusalem

October 30, 2007 at 10:20 pm

Jai is pronounced kind of like ‘Hi’ or even ‘pie’, but the ‘i’ sound is slightly longer.
It may be Korean, but I’ve known non-Korean people with the name.

Good stuff.

No “translation” for #3?

If #3 is a reference to the G.I. Joe cartoon episode starring Barbecue, then bless you sir, bless you.

I ttok #3 as that old joke–which may have been used in a GI Joe episode, but since I never watched the show–I don’t know…

I remember that gag: “I am the viper. I am here to vipe your vindows.”

G.I. Joe did indeed build an episode around that gag, where the Joes were convinced a new Cobra agent called the Viper was threatening someone or other, and it just turns out to be the window-washer. Animaniacs built a shorter, rather funny sequence around the joke, too. I actually have no idea of the gag’s origins before it got written into cartoons of various degrees of crumminess, and if someone else knows I’d like to hear it.

It’s Jay, as in Jay Garrick.

I assumed it was pronounced “Jay” too. Why name one kid after someone and not the other kid?

Lovely. I did have to laugh at #3, and then sigh, because I actually knew the joke. I really should get a life.

I had to do a nostalgic spit take on #3 also. Awesome episode if you’ve never seen it.

As far as issue #23 goes, Wally must subconsciously feel insecure if he thinks Superman is literally going to abscond with his tots. Although, I didn’t read the issue, so I may be talking out the side of my mouth.

Kudos to “The VIper is coming”–a G.I.Joe reference that I just don’t hear enough!

I only knew it as an Animaniacs reference. “And as the Viper, Aht Cahney! Miami Beach audiences are the greatest in the world! Goodnight everybody!”

Trivia: Jai is the *second* member of the extended Flash family to be named after Jay Garrick. Anybody know the first?

Brilliant GI Joe reference.

One can never get enough obscure references to G.I.Joe episodes.

I say, keep em comin’!

I do have to point out that Superman’s line might have been what Wally heard in his reduced state of conciousness. Or at least I interpreted it like that, considering the outcome, of course.
But yes, good laughs were had.

When it comes to the comically absurd on GI Joe, the only thing funnier than the Viper episode was the one where Cobra Commander’s “scheme of the week” involved stealing a giant, high powered laser so he could use it to carve his face into the moon.

That’s it.

As Destro said in outrage, he wasted millions of dollars and countless man hours for an act of “cosmic graffiti.”

Brillant. And guess who wrote that episode? Marv freakin’ Wolfman.

When it comes to the comically absurd on GI Joe, the only thing funnier than the Viper episode was the one where Cobra Commander’s “scheme of the week” involved stealing a giant, high powered laser so he could use it to carve his face into the moon.

Hey, they did that on The Tick.

Did *everybody* borrow from G.I. Joe?

After #3, I think the only lines I remember from GI Joe are “Cobra truck my hush puppies!”, “Identification, please.” and the classic “And knowing is half the battle.”

Some of you may be interested to know that the French (Canadian) version of the G.I. Joe cartoon features the battle cry ‘Ya-hoo!’ instead of ‘Yo, Joe!’

My favorite moment in GI Joe is when Cobra Commander and Two minions are capture by somebody (I forget who…. some other bad guy).

The tree of then are stuck in Neumatic tubes… their captor asks them a yes or no question, and Cobra Commander orders his minions “Say ‘NO!’ so I can see what happens!”

The minion loyally says “no” and gets shot out of the tube to his apparent death.

When their captor asks the question again, Cobra Commander screams desperately, “Yesssssssssss!”

The sad thing is that, years after the Viper episode, every generic Cobra character in the toy line became a Viper of some sort (generic Vipers, Tele-Vipers, Saw-Vipers, etc.). I suppose it had more character than the previous designation of “Cobra Trooper,” but it did heavily cut into the introduction of ridiculous individual Cobra agents like Raptor, Crystal Ball or Croc-Master.

er I mean “three of them!”

The “tree of then” is a magical tree in my backyard that allows me to travel to any point in my past!

[i]I actually have no idea of the gag’s origins before it got written into cartoons of various degrees of crumminess, and if someone else knows I’d like to hear it.[/i]

I have no idea, but I do recall that the same story was in the children’s horror book, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, which was published around the same time as the GI Joe episode. I remember being really bored with the episode, because I had already read Scary Stories and knew who “the Viper” would be.

I first heard the viper story when I was in the Cub Scouts 40+ years ago. It sounds like an old Catskills comic routine.

I assumed it was pronounced “Jay” too. Why name one kid after someone and not the other kid?

That’s what I thought, too, but then why the unusual spelling? Has Flash seen the future where his son grows up to be an exotic dancer?

Has Flash seen the future where his son grows up to be an exotic dancer?

Isn’t that one of the alternate worlds they visit in “Countdown”?

Apodaca said:
“That’s what I thought, too, but then why the unusual spelling?”

According to Waid, the name is supposed to be a Korean name that is pronounced just like “Jay” to pay homage to his Korean lineage through his mother.

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