Comic Book Resources

Quite possibly "Dead means dead." That was pretty hilarious

Rob Leifeld

"Jets suck! Yankees suck! Knicks suck! Krypton sucks!

That's right. Go back where you came from, you bastards."

Probably from The State. "Aquaman, you go talk to some fish."

That, or the joke about Clark Kent being a mean drunk.

Anything involving the words "Warren Ellis" and "deadline" in the same sentence would do the trick, I think.

Off the top of my head, how about Negative Wonder Woman from Robot Chicken? "Hey, Wonder Woman! Fuck you! Now where did I park my visible jet? Oh, there it is! Easy to find!"

Rex Navarrete's "Maritess and the Superfriends"

I like Jade's line in this one:
http://www.pvponline.com/2007/10/31/oct-31-2007/

John, you stole my answer with the "mean drunk" joke.

"Russian comics"

The Superman/Wonder Woman/Invisible Man joke Kevin Bacon tells in "Hollow Man".

The "Heroes" clip on YouTube that pokes fun of Marvel's characters by way of "Clerks."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YQNdRP73Ao

Almost anything on seanbay.com's Superfriends page. Hell, the Hawkman article alone is a goldmine.

"When you're a member of the Superfriends, having the ability to fly is like being able to break a graham cracker along the lines."

"And the worst part is, he had no idea. He had no fucking idea. As far as he was concerned, Hawkman was all the hero the world needed."

I'm rather fond of this one:

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1176#comic

Batman + rakes

Well I recall that hilarious gag from Plop! in the 1970's. Clark is busy working in the Daily Planet newsroom and Lois falls out the window. With no time to change into Superman, he flies out and rescues her. Lois then says she knew he was Superman and faked the whole thing to prove it.

The last panel is back in the newsroom.

Jimmy: "Where's Lois?"
Clark: "Aw, she fell out the window."

Pretty much any line in the 'Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law' episode where Apache Chief spills coffee on his lap.

Black Vulcan: "I wanted to call myself Super Vulcan, but Superman said that they already have a "Super" guy. Then Aquaman says, 'why don't we call you "Black Vulcan"?'
And I said "why don't we call you 'Whitefish?'."

Beta Ray Bill walks into a bar. Bar tender says "buddy, why the long face?"

I can't decided between, "The latest issue of Astonishing X-Men? Oh, yeah. It was early this month." or "Mephisto is going to undo Peter Parker's marriage. No, really."

"The Killing Joke"... The joke that in the end, even Batman laughs at!!!!!!!!

From an episode of the Simpsons where Comic Book Guy and Ms. Crabapple fall in love, and they are about to be wed. She calls it off, and CBG responds: "Though there are numerous reasons why, I'd like to know which one you chose."
Ms. C: "We're just too different."
CBG: "I don't understand."
Ms. C: "It's like... I'm Marvel Comics, and you're DC."
CBG: "I... understand perfectly."

BBC America is airing Monty Python. They just did the sketch where everyone one is Superman, but S.G. Superman (Michael Palin) has a secret. He is also Bicycle Repairman!

"How come you never see Clark Kent and The Flash in the same place at the same time?"

"Oh my god! Clark Kent is The Flash!"

I can't remember where I saw that.

Jay Pinkerton and Peter Lynn's parodies of Superman and Batman's origins (taking the original comics and twistedly rewriting them) are my gold standard of comic-book based humour. Sadly, the Superman one isn't around anymore (Cracked paid for it, it was renamed 'Stupendous Man' but it was taken off the cracked.com site ages ago), but he still has the Batman one up:

http://www.jaypinkerton.com/blog/archives/001228.html

I'm also tremendously fond of this exchange between Chandler and Phoebe in Friends (it's an old routine actually, but Friends is where I got it.)

PHOEBE: Why isn't Spider-man pronounced 'spiderman' ?

CHANDLER: It's not his last name, Phoebe. He's not Fred Spiderman. He's a spider. And he's a man. Hence Spider-Man

Well, I laughed...

Graeme - Along those same lines...

Jon Stewart joked (back in 2002, right before the release of the first Spider-Man movie) that Spidey's best chance to succeed in Hollywood is to tell everyone he's Jewish and his last name is pronounced "Spiderman"... "Irving Spiderman"

Oh, and before I forget... my ALL-TIME favorite comic book related gag was, of course, Milhouse Van Houten's copy of WATCHMEN BABIES.

In a single sight gag, THE SIMPSONS perfectly summed up the ridiculousness and hilarity of DC/Warner Bros. awful relationship with creators and how far they'll go to ransack any intellectual properties they get their hands on. The very idea that something as dense and complex as WATCHMEN could be Disney-fied is genius... pure Simpsons humor.

Also, Dan Clowes perfecting his Batman utility belt and Alan Moore writing a tragic, drug-addicted, and de-powered version of Radioactive Man all make for brilliant comic book gags. You can't tell me you didn't find Art Spiegelman's Maus-mask funny.

I always liked the inker/tracer argument from Chasing Amy. Also, I don't know if anyone here has ever listened to the Ron and Fez show but a few years back they had a pretty funny segment where they discussed the religions of superheroes.

http://ronfez.net/forums/downloads.php?do=file&id=2427

"The Origin of the Fantastic Four" from Norm McDonald's album Ridiculous.
El stretcho!

Marge: Homer, I have a man here that can help you.

Homer: Batman?

Marge: No, he's a scientist.

Homer: Batman's a scientist.

Marge: IT'S NOT BATMAN!

Both Cambert's and John Stanshall's suggestions make my list. Norm McDonald's bit is hilarious.

Josh Standshall took mine.

I think the line from the Justice League episode where the JL go to a different dimension and interact with 40s/50s heroes (basically, the Justice Society) and one of the heroes tells John Stewart that "he's a credit to his people."

That line cracks me up every time.

An old SNL with Sinbad hosting. It was Superman's funeral and the premise was Sinbad was Black Lightning and nobody would let him in the funeral cuz they didn't believe he was a super hero.

But there was a throw away line from the sketch that killed me. \

Lois: I wonder why Clark isn't here to cover this?

I always liked on Saturday Night Live where The Rock was playing Clark Kent and it was really obvious he was Superman (to the point where like the S would be visible under the button down shirt). So Lois, Perry and Jimmy are all making fun of Superman, calling him gay and whatnot.

"I hear if you get Superman in a truckstop bathroom, you won't need Kryptonite to bring him to his knees!"

I'm also partial to:
"But Aquaman, you can't love a woman who doesn't have gills! (Looks up, sees missile heading towards him) Oh, I've wasted my life."

Always loved this exchange from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode "Cave Dwellers"...

Tom Servo: Stately Wayne Manor...
Crow T. Robot: What's a Wayne Manor?
Joel: Oh that's where Batman lived before he became the Dark Knight in those comic books.
Tom Servo: They're not comic books, they're *graphic novels*

I also like that exchange between John Stewart and Batman in the Justice League Unlimited episode "The Once and Future Thing" where Chronos is trying to travel back to the creation of existence...

John Stewart: The Green Lanterns have a legend. No one can see the beginning of time. It's a universal law!
Batman: Write him a ticket!

From The Simpsons episode, "The Mysterious Journey of Homer" - Homer is at the Springfield Lighthouse, standing in front of the light. Cut to Bart & Lisa brushing their teeth. They look up and see Homer's silhouette cast upon a cloud.

Bart: Is that Dad?
Lisa: Either that, or Batman's really let himself go!

And speaking of Batman, there's this scene from "Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker," as Terry McGinnis tries to figure out how it is that the Joker is back to haunt Bruce Wayne:

Terry: So...what do you think? Clone? Robot? Frozen in a block of ice and kept in suspended animation for decades?
Bruce: Shut up and drive.

Ooh! and how about this one from FANTASTIC FOUR #523, between the Thing and Maisie, the Yancy Street waitress:

Maisie: Howzabout a TIP?
Thing: Matt Murdock is DAREDEVIL. Pass it on. Just kiddin'!

Back when the Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating... books were announced, the Daily Show featured it in Headlines (slowest news day ever). Jon Stewart read that the books would be drawn by artists like Jim Lee, Dave Gibbons, and John Buscema, then said, "And if any of those names mean anything to you, Star Trek Voyager's Jeri Ryan wants you to know that she got your letters and appreciates your support, but she doesn't want any more pictures of you in your Borg outfit."

"Hey everybody, it's Ant-Man. He has the proportionate strength of a *human.*"

Oh, yeah... there's also the one about Thor's one night stand, but I don't know if this is really the place to be posting it

The MNary Worth suicide strip from the Simpsons. As a MW reader, very funny.

Greg M quoting that bit from "Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker" reminded me of the line from the Teen Titans episode where they're tyring to figure out the identity of X, a costumed alias Robin previously used a couple of seasons beforehand. Cue Beast Boy's clever theory...

Beast Boy: Okay, if he's not Robin's evil twin, then he's obviously a bionic monkey infused with Robin's DNA.

I think the "I'm a Marvel, and I'm a DC" videos on YouTube are hilarious on various levels- but mainly, for how accurate the barbs are.

Notable, if not for individual gags, at least for sheer volume of comic-joke content.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8thP42jf-6c

So many good jokes, so many comic book references. The one at the end of the Killing Joke always gets me, and another Joker joke that always makes me grin is in Arkham Asylum. I don't know who wrote that, but he should be worshiped intensely. It's a great Joker moment.

But the Marvel v DC parody that Sijo mentioned is really best of the best.

"Paste-Pot Pete?"

From Spider-man/Human Torch #1

I like the one about Cable, his true nemisis isn't Stryfe, it's satelite!

It's not really that funny I guess, but always struck me as hilarious.