CBR Live! Archive
Leaked Marvel Solicitations for 2009
Oh, you think Rich Johnston has spies? Heck, my spies are much better. They are ninja spies.
April:
ASTONISHING X-MEN: PULL BOXES #1 (of 2)
Written by WARREN ELLIS
Art by GEOF DARROW and MOEBIUS
Don't like waiting for the next installment of the rip-roaring ASTONISHING X-MEN? Have your local comic shop proprietor assuage your anguish with this collection of vignettes that further fleshes out the worlds witnessed through the GHOST BOX!
16 PGS./Rated T+ ...$6.99
MARVEL ADVENTURES PUNISHER #1
Written by FRED VAN LENTE
Pencils & Cover by NICK DRAGOTTA
Released to coincide with the special six-disc edition of the PUNISHER: WAR ZONE DVD! Frank Castle wages a one-man war on crime, but even he will have difficulty killing apprehending the mercenary bad guy Bullseye! When the evil expert marksman holes up in a toy store, the Punisher must defend himself against the mad assassin meanie armed with only foam and plastic! Against a villain who can turn any child's toy into a deadly weapon an ouchie, can the Punisher survive not get hurt too badly?
32 PGS./All Ages ...$2.99
May:
DARK DARK AVENGERS #1
Written by CHUCK LORRE
Pencils & Cover by DAVID FINCH
If you thought the Avengers were dark before, you ain't seen nothing yet! Written by CHUCK LORRE, creator of hit TV series TWO & A HALF MEN and THE BIG BANG THEORY, comes the darkest comic in the history of darkness! Norman Osborn, Director of HAMMER, initiates a blacker-than-black-ops Avengers strike force tasked with defeating the DARK AVENGERS... if necessary! Who will join the team? Buy it and find out!
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$3.99
RETAILER'S NOTE: Special ALL-DARK VARIANT also available! Features no story or art content, only black pages stapled together.
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$4.99
DARK WOLVERINE #1
Written by DUANE SWIERCZYNSKI
Penciled by MARC SILVESTRI
Cover by GABRIELE DELL'OTTO
FROM THE PAGES OF X-FORCE! Logan's the best there is at what he does... and what he does is assassinate foreign dictators when commanded to! When Cyclops has a bad day, he sends Wolverine on a suicide mission to Latveria, to deal with the despicable despot DOCTOR DOOM once and for all! Can Logan survive an onslaught of Doombots, or will he find out that it's always darkest before the death by dawn?
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$3.99
NEW DARK AVENGERS #1
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS & SOME OTHER GUY
Pencils & Cover by MIKE DEODATO
Variant Cover by JOE QUESADA
TOTALLY CLASSIFIED, YO! JUST ORDER IT!
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$3.99
June:
WOLVERINE: IMMIGRATION POLICE #1
Written by MIKE CAREY
Penciled by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Cover by KAARE ANDREWS
Logan's the best there is at what he does... and what he does is monitor America's borders! When Wolverine becomes the latest immigration agent tasked with keeping out evil and mysterious foreigners, he patrols the American/Canadian border by night on his motorcycle. But when the WENDIGO decides to go on summer vacation, can even Wolverine stop him? Guest-starring ALPHA FLIGHT!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$3.99
WOLVERINE: INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR #1
Written & Penciled by CHIP ZDARSKY
Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC
Logan's the best there is at what he does... and what he does is investigate insurance claims! When the grandson of Bolivar Trask tries to collect a two hundred million dollar policy on the latest of his grandfather's damaged Sentinels, Wolverine has to determine whether or not he's telling the truth. That is... if he survives!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$3.99
July:
MARVEL ILLUSTRATED: FINNEGANS WAKE #1 (of 6)
Written by ROY THOMAS
Pencils & Cover by BILL SIENKIEWICZ
Once again, the magnificent Roy Thomas returns to the pages of classic fiction in Marvel Illustrated, praised as "Better than CliffNotes!" by Greg Burgas (Comic Book Resources). Thrill to this adaptation of James Joyce's most confusingly important work! Gasp at the adventures of the cad with a pipe! Marvel at fan-favorite artist Bill Sienkiewicz luridly depicting the dream world of Joyce's mind! Shudder at the intrepid prose that sent poor Roy Thomas to the mental hospital!
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$3.99
WOLVERINE: FIRST CLASS - COOKING WITH WOLVIE: THE SHARPENING #1 (of 4)
Written by PAUL TOBIN
Pencils & Cover by COLLEEN COOVER
Logan's the best there is at what he does... and what he does is prepare delicious meals! When Kitty Pryde accidentally enters herself and Wolverine into a father/daughter cooking contest, the old Canucklehead must plumb the depths of his amnesia-ridden mind to remember his champion cooking skills! Can he slice and dice his way to victory when facing off against rival team MAGNETO and the SCARLET WITCH?
32 PGS./All Ages ...$2.99
August:
DAREDEVIL: THE TARGET #2 (of 6)
Written by KEVIN SMITH
Pencils & Cover by GLENN FABRY
Does anyone remember this series? No? Well, superstar writer KEVIN SMITH won't let superstar writer DAMON LINDELOF show him up! He's going to finish HIS late series, too! Will it come out on time? Place your bets!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$3.99
- Posted on December 17, 2008 @ 12:24 PM






48 Comments
Ian A.
December 17, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Brilliant.
I'd buy Marvel Adventures Punisher, Wolverine: Insurance Investigator, and Wolverine: First Class - Cooking with Wolvie: The Sharpening in a heartbeat.
Niels
December 17, 2008 at 12:40 pm
You jest, but if Marc Silvestri returned to a Wolverine book, I would certainly be interested. The Hama/Silvestri run was one of the most enjoyable that Solo Wolverine has ever seen.
Anyway, you don't happen to have heard anything on the art team for Dark Power Pack, have you?
David
December 17, 2008 at 12:42 pm
That ringing sound is Quesada calling you to pitch for Marvel. Wonderful!
1st post!
David
December 17, 2008 at 12:43 pm
nope, guess not.
Mike Loughlin
December 17, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Don't forget Dark Darkhawk.
Andrew Collins
December 17, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Sadly, those Wolverine books sound more interesting than most of the Wolvie comics coming out right now (except for First Class, which I highly enjoy).
T.
December 17, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Funny stuff. Sadly though, as derivative as those sound I'd still rather read all of them than try the current crop of in-continuity DC comics. Their latest solicitations were a real snoozefest.
Blackjak
December 17, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Hmmm... Must look out for the "ALL-DARK VARIANT" of DARK DARK AVENGERS #1...
Sounds like the exact opposite of "The Wisdom of Lobo" that came in the Lobo Slipcase...
(Anyone else going to admit to falling for that one when it first came out??)
Love the August solit. (why is it that Green Arrow was on time, but everything else has been SOOOO slow...)
Will Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk tie-up before Batman: Cacophony???
Eric P.
December 17, 2008 at 1:02 pm
This rocked. Thank you for the amusement.
Matt
December 17, 2008 at 1:11 pm
ASTONISHING X-MEN: PULL BOXES #1 (of 2)
16 PGS./Rated T+ …$6.99
I laughed the most at this part.
verge
December 17, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Great stuff-I really enjoyed this. And I think a Wolverine cooking comic would probably be the best Wolverine book in years.
Cass
December 17, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Pure gold. I especially liked the stock solicitation text "will he find out that it’s always darkest before the death by dawn?" Wolverine Insurance Investigator actually sounds like a great read though.
Thok
December 17, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Logan’s the best there is at what he does… and what he does is provide humor in solicitations!
Bishop
December 17, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I'm waiting for "Dark Millie the Model". Just imagine a psychotic supermodel in the Marvel U, and they can just photo-reference Tyra Banks for an added sense of realism.
garbonzo
December 17, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Is Dark the new Death? I remember the early 90's when everything was either "Death" or "Blood". Those comics weren't any good either.
Jeff Albertson
December 17, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I would so buy the Finnegan's Wake adaptation by Thomas and Sienkiewicz.
Tom Fitzpatrick
December 17, 2008 at 2:30 pm
I would have liked to see Smith finish Daredevil: the target.
But then again, I would like to see Gaiman finish Book 5 and 6 of Miracleman
and Moore finish Big Numbers.
If wishes were horses ....
Jeff Holland
December 17, 2008 at 2:35 pm
"If wishes were horses..."
...we'd all be eating steak.
(Joss Whedon has ruined this phrase for me forever.)
Aaron Walther
December 17, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Oh Bill, your ruse almost had me! Genius!
Michael
December 17, 2008 at 2:50 pm
"RETAILER’S NOTE: Special ALL-DARK VARIANT also available! Features no story or art content, only black pages stapled together."
I predict that this will be preferable to the actual content of Dark Avengers.
Chris S.
December 17, 2008 at 2:54 pm
In all seriousness, I would buy that Wolverine cooking comic in a heartbeat.
Jason B.
December 17, 2008 at 2:56 pm
I agree with Jeff. If Bill Sienkiewicz did the art for an adaptation of "Finnegan's Wake", I would purchase it without hesitation.
scott
December 17, 2008 at 3:18 pm
I would definately pick up WOLVERINE: FIRST CLASS - COOKING WITH WOLVIE: THE SHARPENING #1 (of 4). It sounds like GOLD.
Omar Karindu, back from an Internet Thogal ritual
December 17, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I'm with Jason B. and Jeff re: Joyce.
Keith
December 17, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Could Wolverine: First Class - Cooking with Wolvie be the next Snakes on a Plane? I have to admit, with that creative team in particular, I'd buy the book in a heartbeat.
Omar Karindu, back from an Internet Thogal ritual
December 17, 2008 at 4:03 pm
It is nice to see, if Bill Reed is correct, that Marvel will be publishing a restrained number of Wolverine one-shots next year.
sgt rawk
December 17, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Zdarsky on Wolverine? Colour me SOLD!
Paul C
December 17, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Ha, very nicely done. You were pretty believable on Dark Dark Avengers because the comedy on 2 & A Half Men is so dark, I can't even find it. 10 of your finest variants for me please!
Lord Paradise
December 17, 2008 at 5:09 pm
2010 solicits:
Dark Marvel Adventures Avengers
Marvel Adventures Dark Avengers
Dark Marvel Adventures Dark Spider-Man loves Dark Mary-Jane Darkly
Marvel Adventures Criminal
Lite Punisher
Power-Pack Also Loves Mary-Jane, Which Leads to Tension
The Dark Age of the Sentry
Marvel Adventures All-Star Captain Marvel
Spider-Man loves reading comics with Wolverine in them
Annoyed Grunt
December 17, 2008 at 6:51 pm
"Special ALL-DARK VARIANT also available! Features no story or art content, only black pages stapled together."
It's like a black mirror that begs the question 'how much more black can this be?' The answer is none. None more black.
But in fairness you should have seen the comic Marvel wanted to use.
stealthwise
December 17, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Yeah, the All-Dark Variant thing is genius.
You should DC's next.
Tom Fitzpatrick
December 17, 2008 at 9:28 pm
"I agree with Jeff. If Bill Sienkiewicz did the art for an adaptation of “Finnegan’s Wakeâ€, I would purchase it without hesitation."
Hell, if Bill Sienkiewicz were to re-team with Alan Moore to complete Big Numbers, I'd buy 3 copies without hesitation!!!
Jesse Farrell
December 17, 2008 at 10:17 pm
No lie, these two books:
WOLVERINE: INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR #1
Written & Penciled by CHIP ZDARSKY
Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC
MARVEL ILLUSTRATED: FINNEGANS WAKE #1 (of 6)
Written by ROY THOMAS
Pencils & Cover by BILL SIENKIEWICZ
I would really, REALLY want to read.
Rohan Williams
December 17, 2008 at 10:21 pm
What's wrong with being sexy, Annoyed Grunt?
JG
December 17, 2008 at 11:29 pm
I wish Bill Sienkiewicz on Finnegan's Wake weren't a joke. What the hell is that guy up to these days?
Omar Karindu, back from an Internet Thogal ritual
December 17, 2008 at 11:53 pm
What the hell is [Bill Sienkewicz] up to these days?
Lucrative commercial/advertising art. Seriously, that's what he left comics for.
Stuart
December 18, 2008 at 12:09 am
Someone needs to make WOLVERINE: FIRST CLASS - COOKING WITH WOLVIE: THE SHARPENING happen. I'd buy all four issues and the eventual premiere edition hardcover!
FunkyGreenJerusalem
December 18, 2008 at 12:13 am
Maybe some, but he does a lot of movie, music covers and such, as well as still doing comics work.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwDzATryei8 shows a live Roger Waters concert he did artwork for.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJJGgioWiq8 has just the music and artwork.
It's not like he totally 'sold out'.
Omar Karindu, back from an Internet Thogal ritual
December 18, 2008 at 12:58 am
I wasn't trying to imply that he sold out, rather I was unsuccessfully alluding to the unconventional style he's developed and the usual idea of commercial art.
J to the AAP
December 18, 2008 at 3:18 am
Read more in 2009's Marvel superstar writer Bill Reed's creator owned Icon title; Bill Reed's Ninja Spies.
Random Stranger
December 18, 2008 at 4:10 am
I can't stand Joyce and I'd buy that adaptation of Finnegan's Wake...
dmstarz
December 18, 2008 at 9:05 am
LOL - very, very funny.
Like everyone else, I'm up for Bill S on Joyce. Is Roy Thomas listening?
b_rad
December 18, 2008 at 9:45 am
Let's not forget all the books going in new directions next year as Mephisto nullifies the marriage and children of Reed and Sue Richards, raises Captain America from the dead, restores the original X-Men line-up including Jean Grey, makes everyone forget that Matt Murdock is probably Daredevil, reveals that Uncle Ben never died but was magically transformed into the Sentry, bestows onto a LARGE number of pencilers the ability to deliver their pages on time and repairs all the editorial oversights and inconsistencies that now permeate the marvel line so that none of the writers have to come up with original, interesting or believable ways to allow characters to grow and change. Oh yeah, and he's also scheduled to change Namor's face from that of Brian Michael Bendis to the actual face of the Submariner. (And Namor is so relieved...)
Mark Temporis
December 18, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Cooking with Wolvie sounds cute and somewhat perfect for the First Class series. I think it could only fill one issue, though. Maybe two, with an extended flashback to Wolvie's long-forgotten tenure as the first Iron Chef Italian (Seriously; that guy was on for two eps; he could've been ANYBODY!)
I. Glow
December 18, 2008 at 2:28 pm
I'd actually enjoy a number of those. I'd also bet money that "Immigration Police" and "New Dark Avengers" will happen.
Michael Jones
December 18, 2008 at 2:42 pm
You know... I wouldn't put it past Marvel to try and give us DARK DARK AVENGERS in some form or fashion. I could easily see Osborn having an even more top-secret super-evil team to take down the evil team he has in place.
Hell, I wouldn't put it past him to have a team secretly made up of Skrulls.
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