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CSBG Archive

Snark Free Challenges for 12/19

It’s been almost exactly three months since I last did one of these, so let’s try on some more!

Enjoy!

(A reader submitted this one to Mark Waid and I think it would be a great snark free challenge)
1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?

And remember, part of the challenge here is to answer the questions withOUT snark!

50 Comments

Can’t do it.

1- So angry he wasn’t thinking straight.
2- Scott Free
3- Green Arrow. Ollie went to a private school. Clint was a carny.
4- Tim. Will power doesn’t build muscle.
5- Zatanna. Constantine screws up as often as not.
6- Martian Manhunter. It’s a very human thing to do.
7- Because Bob Haney.
8- Cho. Because he’s not married.
9- Garth Ennis. He could make anything scary.
10- Jean Grey

>>1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.

Deathstroke would be expecting Kyle to go at him with ring constructs..so he went with the unexpected.

>>2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?

Max Lord. The real one who was replaced for years. The one who evolved from oportunistic buisnessman to a leader of heroes who cared about others.

>>3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?

Ollie. Clint is more of a street smart type. Chess is more a book learnin’ thing.

>>4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?

Tim..have you _watched_ the Daily Show? I doubt he could do 2!

>>5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?

Zee. In her own words to John, he doesn’t actually have powers.

>>6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?

Black Canary.

>>7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.

expanded field of vision combined with enhanced motion recognition

>>8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?

Pym. Amadeus recently realized that he was named the 7th Smartest person by a _SOAP_ company.

>>9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?

Gage.

>>10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?

Wasp…you ever see what happens at those NYC super fashion sales? That beats danger room training every day!

1. To catch him off guard. I mean, everybody EXPECTS the Green Lantern to do something with the ring.

2. J’onn, because I kind of miss having him in the books. Plus, Ralph or Mr. Miracle would also require the resurrections of their respective spouses to be fun again, and you didn’t specify that.

3. Hawkeye, because Green Arrow doesn’t like the imperialistic themes of chess and I think Hawkeye *can* muster the required attention span when he needs to.

4. I would assume Stewart has the edge, as an ex-Marine and whatnot. Tim doesn’t strike me as that “physical”, really, despite his Robin moves.

5. Zatanna.

6. Black Canary if we’re using the post-Crisis retcon that she was an original Leaguer; Martian Manhunter otherwise.

7. I’m guessing his regular senses are enhanced to a superhuman level, but their connections to his brain aren’t quite all there, so instead of actually realizing that he’s feeling that there’s somebody behind him, feeling their breath, and smelling the gunpowder in their gun, he just perceives it as a buzzing sensation. Or something.

8. Well, Amadeus is said to be the 7th-smartest person in the world, so the real question is, “Is Hank Pym one of the top six?” I’m tempted to say yes, although it’s not always obvious because his personality kind of gets in the way.

9. I’m thinking James Robinson, though I can’t really articulate why.

10. I would say the Wasp, because phoenixes are known for coming back and wasps aren’t.

1 – He had heard the stories about Batman one-punching Gardner, and he wanted to try the same thing.
2 – Blue Beetle?
3 – Hawkeye, i think he has more sense of planning ahead
4 – Stewart, ex-marine and all that.
5 – Zatanna
6 – Martian Manhunter. He would appreciate the fact that cats are loners by nature
7 – It’s magic, we don’t need to explain it.
8 – Well, at least Cho has had enough common sense not to create something like Ultron, so Cho.
9 – Not exactly a high-profile comic book writer, but my pick would be Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa. He was the writer of that awesome Nightcrawler ongoing, Marvel Knights 4, Sensational Spider-Man, Dead of Night: Swamp Thing, and Angel: Revelations. The man is great at creating a heavy mood in the series, and he would be right at home with Swamp Thing
10 – Wasp, i hope.

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3. He was dared to by Wally

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why? Blue Beetle – Weak death and I want more Blue and Gold

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow? Green Arrow although Hawkeye is the better archer.

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake? Tim Drake

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna? Zatanna

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat? Martian Manhunter

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense. He is sensitive to teh wind and the wind tells him when things are coming at him

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho? Cho

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series? Walter Simonson

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey? Jeanie

2. Rocket Red (Dmitry Pushkin). Everybody else is pretty much assured of getting a resurrection at some point without my help (except maybe Maxwell Lord), while I’m not sure he is. I considered suggesting the Champions of Angor for similar reasons.

# 5 would be Constantine. As he would con “anybody” into thinking he’s a magician.

# 9 would be Rick Veitch. As he has unfinished Swamp Thing stories to tell. Namely about a earth elemental who meets a “Son of God” on a walk in the swamp.

Mysterious Stranger

December 19, 2008 at 3:57 pm

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.

It was unexpected and probably relieved some pent-up aggression in Kyle.

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?

Never cared for that incarnation of the League so leave ‘em all dead.

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?

Green Arrow. He has more patience than Hawkeye who, after hours of being teased and taunted by Ollie, would flip the board in a fit of frustration.

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?

Tim Drake. Just for fear of the chiding he’d get from Bruce if he didn’t beat “an old man” like Stewart.

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?

Is Constantine an actual magician? Gotta go with Z.

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?

Batman. Though Alfred most likely takes care of it.

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.

Like other animals, Peter can detect the increased pheromones emitted by a would-be attacker which in turn activates his “fight or flight” instinct causing the squiggly lines around his head.

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?

Cho.

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?

Bendis. Swamp Thing always seemed like a “talky-talky” series to me and who is better at the “talky-talky” than the Bald One.

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?

Wasp, but only because she hasn’t been ressurrected yet. Jean’s not really dead either. After the third ressurrection you can’t be considered dead, just a really heavy sleeper.

For the JLI member- Martian Manhunter. The DCU is a better place when it has Oreo-loving green martians in it…

Though Rocket Red, Ted Kord, Ralph & Sue Dibny, Scott Free and Big Barda are all missed too. Thankfully DC brought Ice back to us already.

And for the Swamp Thing writer, I second the choice of Rick Vietch only because he took over after Alan Moore was just as brilliant. His run was unfairly cut too short by management. He’s shown he has a handle on the character and his supporting cast and has been doing some nice work for Vertigo for some time now. If not Vietch, then Jason Aron, Matt Sturges, Steven T. Seagle or Pete Milligan could all be acceptable realistic choices…

3. Green Arrow; he’s always been more of a plan-ahead, big-picture type.

8. Spider-Man’s senses are heightened, but these heightened senses don’t feed back into the traditional sense nerves a la Wolverine; instead, it feeds into him on an instinctual level, and his body reacts accordingly. His body can subconsciously pick up on the cues that a projectile is headed his way– air pressure, sounds, sights– and react for him. (Obviously, this makes those situations where he, say, uses the Spidey Sense to pick out a would be assassin or something implausible, but I never thought that made much sense.)

9. I’d like to see a Mike Allred take on Swamp Thing.

10. Jean Grey is The Phoenix, she’ll always come back.

1. Deathstroke was expecting an attack with the ring so he thought he’d try a punch.
2. None, never a fan of that incarnation.
3. Green Arrow, Ollie would tell clint that he slept with Mockingbird, board goes flying, arrows fly, both end up pinned to the wall opposite each other.
4. Tim, batman trained him, he spars with Cassie Cain, the dude should be able to knock out fifty no sweat.
5. Zatanna, simply because Eid could put constantine in a grave (until he tricks the devil again).
6. Martian Manhunter, he’d find a stray and take it home cause it reminds him of himself. He’d name it Oreo.
7. Years of being a geek in school give you a sixth sense of danger.
8, Amadeus Cho, he can get past the parental blocks.
9. Mike Carey could do an awesome Swamp Thing.
10. If Wasps a minority, then to marvel shes dead (still waiting for one of the non-white x-characters to come to SF other then Storm, Armor, and Dust, like maybe Surge anyone).

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.

Because Zee had messed with his head too, and this was his subconscious trying to attract his attention to the fact that something was wrong.

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?

I’ve never read the run.

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?

Ollie. I just think he has greater powers of concentration than Clint.

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?

Tim. Since he’s supposedly one the the greatest athletes in the DCU.

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?

Zee. For the same reasons as Scavenger outlined above.

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?

Batman. I can imagine his owning a cat far better than I ever felt “Ace the Bat-Hound” fitted into Bruce’s psychological profile. I’m a dog man myself, but I can imagine Bruce empathising with the independent and loner characteristics associated with cats.

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.

An adaption of the adrenal gland which allows Pete to take numerous pieces of singly unimportant information, like a slight increase in air temperature, a door, no longer in the place it had been, and a barely perceptible shadow, and extrapolate to reach a conclusion based on the information as a whole, and in this case react before an assailant hiding in his apartment can mount a hidden attack. Or to take another example, a particular stance, muscle twitch, and narrowing of the iris by a certain percentage which tells Spidey to duck an incoming left-hook. None of the pieces of info by themselves tells enough to predict anything, But as a whole, combined with an increase in an adrenaline analogue which allows Pete to process information faster subconsciously than anyone else even with super-speed could, they allow for a seemingly magical spider-sense.

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?

I don’t hold with the whole x-th smartest person in the world mantra in any universe, Marvel, DCU or real. After all, how do you compare a tactician to an artist to a physical to a surgeon. Its much too complicated an issue for that. All that said, given their actual histories in the MU Cho seems far smarter than Hank Pym.

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?

I don’t think you can go with a writer who is going to take the series in the same direction as it’s gone before, although I’d love to see Garth Ennis give it a try, so I’m going to plump for Jeff Parker!

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?

Must….avoid…snark….so….close…..
Wasp. Jean Grey must be the least “really dead this time,” comicbook character of all time.

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.
Deathstroke made a comment about Kyle’s dead girlfriend and sometimes you just gotta take a swing at a guy…

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?
Was Silver Sorceress count? She has a lot of potential as a magic character, a short-lived character, a multi-verse character, and so on…

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?
Green Arrow, the “Ollie went to college, while Hawkeye was a carny” reason works…

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?
If they were competing, Stewart, b/c he’s got the willpower. On a daily basis? Tim. He’s young and got something to prove, and trying to impress the babes. Stewart can do a lot, but he’s getting old, why bother wearing himself out?

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?
Zatanna, better training.

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?
Aquaman… catfish count right?

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.
I thought, the explanation from the Spiderman movie was good…

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?
Hank, b/c he’s got more life experience. Being smart is not the same as being intelligent…

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?
Geoff Johns, b/c he can do no wrong

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?
Jean Grey, b/c Joe Q told us so.

“was Silver Sorceress…” whoops

also, forgot to leave my name…

5. John Constantine got the better scores at magic school. Sure, he cheated, but he used magic to do so, so they couldn’t really punish him.

6. Superman saved one from a tree and didn’t want to abandon it, but ultimately the cat went to Batman, who had been complaining about non-flying rats in the Cave.

7. The “Spidey Sense” is clearly a mixture of low-grade telepathy and prescience. That, or Spider-Man is worshipped as a god in the 133th Dimension, and the creatures there send him messages to warn him of danger. Except when it’s about Venom, who they worship as a similar, but more extreme and hardcore god. (The religious wars of the ’90s were brutal.)

8. When Amadeus was proclaimed the seventh smartest person on the planet, Pym had probably already been replaced by a Skrull–so even with that list, we may never know.

9. I could see Bill Willingham giving Swamp Thing a shot. He’d bring interest and a fresh take.

10. Jean, I’d say. As Phoenix, she has a legitimate way to come back from the dead. The Wasp is more likely to turn out never to have been dead at all. Plus, Jean even left an actual body this time!

3. Ollie wins if he’s trying to prove Batman wrong. Clint wins if he’s trying to prove Cap right.

6. J’onn so owns a cat.

10. Although they’re both in the “just resting” category, I think Wasp comes back first. As Mr. Cronin himself noted, vanishing in a mysterious explosion, with no body, barely even qualifies as dead in the Marvel Universe. She can turn up again whenever a writer feels like it. For Jean, though, dying is her thing. Paradoxically, that actually makes bringing her back harder, because the next time she reappears, it has to be a momentous story, and the writer has to bring his A game. Wasp can just turn up in the kitchen of the mansion and be all, “Hey, guys! Funny dimensional warps we’re having today, huh?” Jean doesn’t have that option.

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.~He was busy doing other stuff in Identity Crisis #2

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?~J’onn, cause I said so?

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?~Oliver

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?~Tim

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?~Zatanna

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?~Batman, cause he has one of everything else.

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.~Low-level telepathy. He can only detect people directly threatening him, like how in that Tom Cruise movie the precogs could only see the future when people got murdered? This combines with subconsciously enhanced senses, so he can also detect when inanimate objects are about to fall on him.

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?~Hank Pym was sciencing himself up some superpowers before it was cool.

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series? ~Ennis would realistically do that, I think. And Bendis isn’t realistic cause um Swamp Thing is DC?

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?~Jean Grey. It’s common knowledge that wasps don’t die after they sting you, cause their stingers aren’t barbed.

I consider all of these answers to be snark-free.

Regarding Tom Veitch–he didn’t actually write a story about Swamp Thing meeting Jesus while walking through the swamp. The story was about Swamp Thing going back in time and witnessing Christ’s crucifixion after observing him in the Garden of Gethsemene. The script and artwork to that unpublished story are frequently available online, and can usually be found on eBay. To be honest, they’re not all that great, though it would be fun to finally see them officially published so I could have a better-quality version to read.

Regarding Mark Mike Carey–gaah, no! He wrote a Swamp Thing arc in Hellblazer, and he mishandled the character, having the soul of Alec Holland ripped out of Swamp Thing…even though Swamp Thing and Alec Holland had already entirely parted ways in the climax of Mark Millar’s run, when Holland’s soul was reincarnated in the body of a newborn child. If he lacks even a basic knowledge of the character’s history, then I’d hate to see him write that series. He’s a great writer and told some excellent Hellblazer tales (and some boring ones), but he’s just not right for Swamp Thing.

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3
Because he’s not as patient or as vengeful as Hal was. Is. Whatever.

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?
Blue Beetle, because he was fun.

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?~
Ollie. I think Hawkeye would lose interest somewhere around the tenth move.

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?
So i need to weigh in here. I’m a photographer and a weight lifter, John, while an ex-marine, is drawn with the physique of a male model. Knowing quite a few male models from both my hobbies, I can tell you those guys are terrible at real-world exercises. Sure he’s got huge pecs, but that heavy chest isn’t very likely to be balanced with his arms and the relative weight of the rest of his body. Tim on the other hand, got in the shape he’s in by actually doing stuff, and is built accordingly. Like Bruce Lee. I’ll bet John can do 50 pushups in a single set, and Tim can do 200;

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?
Zatanna. That costume is all the magic I need.

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?
Manhunter. At some point in everyone’s life a stray ends up on your doorstop, and I don’t think he has it in him to toss her out.

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.
Extremely advanced senses, but operating on a purely subconsious level. While Wolverine can consiously sniff around for someone, Spider-Man just senses that something is familiar. Explains why Venom and Carnage don’t trigger the spider-senses- because he used to wear \the symbiote, so it’s not a threat on a subconsious level.

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?
Cho. Hank gets himself into far too much trouble to be so dang smart. He’s like Einstein, accepting a Nobel Prize with his fly open and his dangle hanging out. Sue he may be smarter, but obviously not all the time. Sometimes you just gotta’ give it to Schroedinger.

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?
Yeah, I’ll go with Ennis. Though if we went to ‘just barely realistic’, I’d really, REALLY like to see Sam Keith do it. Although that’s mostly just because he usually pencils his scripts.

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?
Jeannie. Wasp is just barely too large to fit in your nostril, and too nice to shoot out your eye. But I’m pretty positive that if she gets pissed enough, Jean would snap your spine, bend you over backwards, and shove your head up your dead ass. Wait … we are talking Jean as Phoenix, right?

Just ’cause I’m curious:

Blue Beetle
Max Lord
Rocket Red
and Martian Manhunter are dead, right? Everybody else who was dead got un-deaded?

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.

Deathstroke’s reflexs are faster then Kyle’s, Kyle was sacrificing himself so that the other team members could take him out.

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?

Blue Beetle, because Beetle does more with one line then most characters do with a full comic.

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?

Hawkeye, because he to is a futurist

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?

John Stewart because he can use his power ring

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?

Constantine, he beat the devil twice

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?

Batman, because Cat’s are less work then dogs.

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.

tiny worm hole that allow for Spider-man to exist seconds before everything else

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?

Cho

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?

Peter Milligan

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?

Wasp… she’s out in both universes

1. Because the First Rule of the Book of Oa states thus: “Whensoeverth insooth doubst, a Green Lantern punches.” No one complains when Hal goes around decking half the JLA or when Guy takes underage superheroes to bar fights or when Mogo bodyslams wandering mercenaries under his equatorial paunch, but Kyle can’t get a little McClintock-y with the JLA behind him against a guy the Teen Titans routinely humiliate? Maybe the question should be, “Explain why Kyle Rayner WOULDN’T try to punch Deathstroke.” Or maybe “Explain why Kyle Rayner wouldn’t try to bodyslam Deathstroke under his equatorial paunch.”

2. Wasp. What? Believe me, if Giffen could get away with it, he would. Better them than Bendis. Otherwise, give Booster a year: he’ll bring them all back and they can have barbecues at the Reyes’ house.

3. Hawkeye. Ollie ain’t much of a lateral thinker, and I think we’ve actually seen Clint playing chess a few times.

4. Tim Drake. Are you kidding? If you wanna to swing with the Bat, you’ve gotta push with the mat. Why do you think there are nipples on the suit? The Bat-kin are so ripped they’re literally popping out of their bazoombas.

5. If we’re talking performance magician, Zee. Tricks magician, then the crafty scumbum from Jolly Ole. But if you mean sorcery, then annataZ.

6. J’onn. I was gonna say Canary, but then I remembered my Looney Tunes and decided against it. I could totally see J’onn being unable to mind-read a cat and dedicating himself to unravelling the mysteries of felinity. Unless you meant PWN a cat, in which case: Aquaman. Dude once skewered a siamese with his harpoon-hand and fed it to a bowl of vengeful goldfish.

7. Paranoia. He ALWAYS thinks someone’s out to get him, but Ditko only bothered to show us the times it was true. It became especially acute after he stopped wearing his glasses — Peter can’t see worth a damn without them and is perpetually on the verge of blind panic, such as in ASM #3 when, thinking he had tracked a “Sandman” (in actuality, just a dirty hobo) to his school, got in a fight with a cloud of dust (which he happened to photograph for the Bugle), and stole an emphysemiac’s oxygen tank thinking it was a vacuum cleaner in order to obliterate a pile of sand and thus massacre ninety-seven ants of Herbie Frink’s ant-farm project for the science fair. Also, Aunt May’s been dead for twelve years; he’s been living with an overgrown pumpkin since Stern’s run.

8. Pym. Cho has probably shown himself to be smarter, but the Foundation of the Marvel Universe would crumble if Pym isn’t second to Doom and the Accured Richards. Besides, “seventh-smartest?” That leaves room for Paste-Pot Pete to be smarter than Cho.

9. I’d like to see John Ostrander take a crack at it. His MARTIAN MANHUNTER and SPECTRE suit him well to Swampy’s style, and he did enough elemental work in FIRESTORM to qualify. Second choice would be Gail Simone, because I think she has enough taste to make the florality between Abby and her Thing seem like a romance and not the twisted perversions of the world’s sex-craziest woman (though I also wouldn’t put it past Gail’s sensibilities to go that route, either, probably with teh awesome).

10. Right now, I’d say Jean. Yes, Jean will EVENTUALLY return, it’s her whole archetype. But I think everyone so expects Jean to be resurrected that writers will treat it as a badge of honor that they don’t do it, much in the same way that we had to suffer years of bone-claw, noseless Wolverine. Wasp, on the other hand, is practically assured resurrection because a) the writer who killed her will have dibs on her for a while to come, and b) all the not-dead-for-long signs are pointing to “dramatic resurrection!” in the near-future.

There! Snark, free answers! Wait, “hyphen?” F your hyphen, Cronin. At least three of my answers were legit, that’s a better average than your questions. “Identity Crisis #3?” “Deader?” “Cat?” “Mark Waid?” You just made those up.

1. He was pissed off and not thinking clearly.

2. Most of them have come back already. I dunno, Ted, I guess, but not as Blue Beetle.

3. They’d upend the board within five minutes.

4. Ooh, good one. Probably Tim, unless John now has a military background retconned in.

5. Zatanna is more skilled, John probably has more knowledge.

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?

7. You mean why it’s a spider-power, or the mechanics of how it works?

8. Hank. Amadeus is still a teenager, which weights his stupid score. When he grows up, it may well be different.

9. Steve Seagle. I have no idea why his name jumped out at me, but it did.

10. I hope it’s Jan, but I fear it’s Jean.

I’m answering these without looking at anyone else’s answers, and I’ll keep my answers as brief as possible:

1.Didn’t read it. But, guessing: frustration/ eye for an eye/ violence begets violence?

2. Ted Kord (not that he was a great character, but the way he died sukked)

3. Green Arrow. Ollie has some education behind him. Clint’s a good tactician, but chess isn’t the same as a real application.

4. Tim Drake. Younger, more fit and more driven (and Stewart never had the BATMAN on his ass)

5. John Constantine or Zatanna? Trick question: Zatanna is more of a magician. ConJob is a sorcerer.

6. J’onn J’onzz (His fascination with Earth life would make him more empathic towards it’s lifeforms of all kinds).

7. It’s magical-science. We don’t HAVE to explain how it works.

8. Cho. Pym particles are cool and all, but everything else he’s done is one mistake after another (of course, that COULD have been a Skrull screwing with things).

9. Mike Sterling.

10. Spider-baby.
(sorry. That was snark. OK… Jean is deader. It’s her whole M.O.)

~P~

I could go for an Ostrander/Mandrake Swamp Thing.

Swamp Thing: Tony Millionaire

It could work.

1. Because Kyle is one of the worst characters ever conceived?

2. I would bring JLI, the concept. With all its characters. Yeah, I cheated but so did Metzler by retconning Max Lord.

3. Hawkeye, cos he is less of a loose cannon.

4. Tim Drake?

5. John Constantine, because he’s m.f. Constantine.

6. Black Canary?

7. He’s got multiple eyes, and not only the third one?

8. Who the hell is Amadeus Cho?

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?

John Ostrander or J. M. deMatteis.

10. JLI is deader than them all.

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.
Lulling him into a false sense of security.
2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?
Captain Atom is dead, right?
3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?
Green Arrow.
4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?
Stewart, he’s an ex-Marine now, right?
5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?
Zatanna
6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?
J’onn J’onz
7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.
Low level precognition? Is that scientific enough?
8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?
Pym is a better scientist, Cho figures things our more easily.
9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?
Marc Andreyko
10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?
Define dead? I think Wasp is less likely to be ACTUALLY killed. Jean is probably more likely to be back sooner.

You have to love comics. Without them, we wouldn’t need to make up paradoxical words like deader.

1. Rayner didn’t try to punch him. In the heat of battle, he had a brief hallucination that Slade was in fact Travis Morgan, and he was merely trying to reach out and touch his magnificent beard.

2. Ted Kord. I mean….yeah, no snark, so let’s just say “Ted Kord.”

3. Gotta go with Hawkeye. He’s been a leader of the (West Coast) Avengers, as well as the Thunderbolts (I think?), and he just seems to be smarter than he lets himself believe he is, sometimes.

4. Tim Drake. John Stewart can likely bench press more, but push-ups are more about muscular endurance, not strength. Being trained by a guy like Bat-Man has gotta be good for the endurance. (wait, that sounds….oh, well.)

5. Zatanna is more powerful, but I’d say Constantine is better. He seems to do a lot more with less power.

6. Aquaman. I know, he lives underwater, but out of the original League, he honestly seems like the “cat person” to me.

7. Spidey’s irradiated blood is actually slightly out of synch with the quantum flow of time, keeping him constantly in “touch” with the immediate future on subconscious level. When that immediate future is threatened, the connection is interfered with, creating the “buzzing” sensation that he interprets as his “spidey sense.”

8. Cho is smarter for short periods of time, but “needs food badly.” Pym works harder in short bursts or wild creativity, giving birth to things that are way ahead of their time. If Cho could fix his blood sugar problem, then he’d be the guy. For now, gotta go with Pym.

9. Steve Niles. He seems to be everywhere these days, but I’d really like to see him take a crack at it. Heck, he might even be able to talk Bernie into coming back for an issue or two.

10. Wasp. Jean Grey always comes back. No snark, it’s just that it seems to be more “the way things go” with the X-Men.

8.

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.
Throwing a punch is generally the first response to a physical threat, and I’m sure his adrenaline got the best of him.

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?
Martian Manhunter. Sentimental reasons mostly.

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?
Green Arrow. He seems like more of an intellectual, and plus Hawkeye was just a thug before joining the good guys.

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?
Stewart probably. Military background. I would have to assume Batman’s training regimens are more creative than push-ups and jumping jacks.

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?
Zatanna can do pretty much anything by saying it backwards. Constantine has to work a lot harder than that, so skill-wise he’s probably better.

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?
J’onn again. He’s like Data in that way.

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.
It’s a translation to fictional superpowers of the ability to sense vibrations in a web that a spider can have.

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?
As everyone else has said, Cho is only the 7th smartest. Hank is generally portrayed as being in the top 3 or 4 – Reed, Tony, Victor, Hank.

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?
Now that Straczynski is out of his Marvel exclusive, and has already expressed a desire to do work with the former DCU characters in the Brave and the bold, I would say him.

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?
The Wasp because nobody has ever really cared about her. Not the case with Jean.

1. Kyle Rayner is not that bright.
2. No idea. Blue Beetle?
3. I’d go with Ollie.
4. Oh, Tim Drake, for sure.
5. Zatanna is at least half Homo Magi, yes?
6. Superman has an intergalactic zoo. Gotta be a cat in there. Manhunter and Batman, as well. The Flash probably has a pet snail. Jordan is too irresponsible to own a pet and Aquaman’s fish are not pets.
7. Spiders have spider sense. Just because humans don’t have it or understand it doesn’t mean spiders don’t have spider sense.
8. Hank Pym, while a smart guy, is not smarter than Cho.
9. Warren Ellis.
10. Didn’t really understand how Wasp died (did Thor kill her?) but realistically, neither one is dead.

1. Because he was being written by an idiot. Or were we looking for an in-universe explanation?

2. Gail Simone already fixed the big one, so it’s a toss-up between Max Lord and Captain Atom, both of whom need some major repair after some recent mishandling.

3. Whichever one doesn’t get pissed off and knock the table over first. Probably Ollie.

4. Tim Drake. He doesn’t have to carry the weight of being incredibly dull on his shoulders.

5. annataZ

6. Black Canary, assuming she still counts.

7. Magnetism

8. I don’t know who Amadeus Cho is, but assuming he never smacked around his wife I’m voting for him.

9. I don’t really know the character, so I’m going to say Judd Winick. Just to annoy people.

10. Jean. We at least know that she’s dead. -ish.

I came up with my answers, then read everyone else’s replies in route to replying – none of the answers changed, but it allowed me to cut down my explanation of my choices.

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.
As with all the others, first thought that came to mind was “because it’s the last thing he’d be expected to do, and Deathstroke is never open to the expected.”

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?
Blue Beetle, hands down. And pardon me for a snark, but I think Metzler and the rest that so screwed with the characters of JLI should be done like the husband from the end of the original Stepford Wives.

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow? Ollie would take him, as long as Hawkeye didn’t get him too upset with over-the-board banter. Ollie’s too likely in that case to flip the board and leave, even if winning.

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?
Another answer that was obvious enough – Tim, because Batman wouldn’t let him.

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna? Zatanna

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat? Martian Manhunter, for the same reasons everyone else immediately thought.

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense. highly acute motion sense like that of many arthopods (insects, spiders, scorpions, etc.), plus he doesn’t realize it, but he’s got 6 tiny eyes on the back of his neck, also from the spider bite.

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho? Pym, because his goof-ups are more consistantly a threat to the entire planet.

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series? I wouldn’t mind seeing JMS do it.

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey? Oooohhh, a toughy. Given Jean’s history, I think wasp will come back first, as there will be much treading lightly around Jean’s return for as long as possible.

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?
All of them, but especially Blue Beetle. (And General Glory for special events.

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?
I see this game ending with the board flying in the air and both of them shooting an arrow through the other one’s king while in the air.

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?
J’onn

Oh..Who is deader…I thought it was deadlier….in that case, Jean. Cuz, that’s how Emma wants it!

If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?

Batman. Because his “death” was stupider than Ted’s (and that’s saying something).

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.
He just lost it for a second there…
2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?
“Nice Guy” Gardner… Just because everyone else will say Max or Ted or J’onn
3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?
Hawkeye. Ollie wouldn’t take it seriously enough…
4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?
Tim – younger and constantly exercising… John flies around too much and relies on his ring…
5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?
John Constantine. He even conned the First of the Fallen. End of discussion.
6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?
J’onn
7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.
Extract from Reed Richards Notes: “Spider-man’s natural electro-magnetic field is about a hundred times stronger and larger in diameter than anyone else’s… It seems to react to ‘negative auras’ and faster moving objects that are heading towards the centre of the field… Giving him a ‘tingling’ sensation in the direction of the threat…”
8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?
Amadeus Cho. Pym got skrulled…
9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?
I want to say Warren Ellis, but he probably doesn’t count… So if he’s out of the game, I’m going with someone else’s suggestion, my favourite Spectre crew… Ostrander and Mandrake!
10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?
Jean. But only in the sense that I can see Wasp coming back sooner in one form or another… (Collected by Ultron?) I think they’ll give Jean a couple more years…

To be nitpicky for a moment, neither Batman nor Black Canary were technically original JLA members. Batman is definitely a dog person anyway (Ace the Bat-Hound). And didn’t the Martian Manhunter used to have a dog too? So I’d say Barry Allen is most likely to have a cat. Or maybe Wonder Woman back on Paradise Island.

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.
-Deathstroke did something to neutralize his ring.
2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?
-Sue Dibny. She got killed off the worst.
3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?
-Green Arrow. He’s smarter.
4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?
-Tim Drake. Batman trains him. Stewart is an EX Marine.
5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?
-This was the hardest to answer without snark: Zatanna, of course.
6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?
-Superman and Batman were the only ones to keep pets.
7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.
-Precognition. Hey, parapsychology IS a science.
8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?
-Cho. Intelligence Is his power. On the other hand, he has yet to show as much creativity as Pym.
9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?
-Define “realistic.”
10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?
-The Wasp. Jean can revive more easily.

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.
There was clearly a lot of rage there, but he probably knew that Slade would be too fast for a ring-based attack to take effect.

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?
Blue Beetle was easily my favorite, but I feel his death accomplished something, ditto Mister Miracle, so I’m going with Ice.

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?
Hawkeye. Man’s been a leader for a longer time, he knows how to use his resources.

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?
Tim. Yeah, I know John was in the army or marines back in the day, but Tim’s in his prime and he’s training to replace Batman.

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?
Zatanna, she does more real magic and she looks better doing it.

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?
Barry. Clean, single (at least in the beginning) guy with no time for a dog… definitely got a pet personality.

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.
I’m from the Humanities, so… I’m going to leave this to better trained minds.

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?
Pym. At least if we’re talking scientific genius.

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?
Chris Sims.

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?
Wasp. Jean Grey coming back from the dead is basically her thing, so… Wasp is more dead.

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.
His rage overpowered him and temporarily reduced his willpower, so he was unable to manifest a construct to do it.

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?
Blue Beetle, because J’onn died too recently and I’d prefer to keep both Dibney’s together regardless of what side of the life/death barrier they are on.

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?
Green Arrow. His past as a rich guy and politician probably gave him more long-term strategic ability.

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?
John Stewart. He’s a Marine, it’s what they do.

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?
Constantine. He has more diversity in his magical abilities. Zatanna’s backwards talking thing is more powerful, but requires less real skill. It’s like Dr. Strange and Scarlet Witch.

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?
J’onn. Icould totally see him sitting in a big chair, eating chocos and petting his cat.

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.
When sitting on a web a spider is incredibly sensitive to vibrations which tell it when something has fallen in. This ability is magnified in Peter, helping him sense vibrations in the air and ground. His subconscious works overtime separating the normal vibrations from danger and alerting him of the latter.

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?
Cho. Pym has a wider knowledge base due to his experience, but Cho has more raw intellect.

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?
Paul Pope. Could you just imagine the swampy strangeness he could think up?

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?
Wasp, because she was more recent.

1. Unseen by everybody, Deathstroke sprayed Kyle with some sort of gas that dulled his willpower and intelligence.

7. In addition to heightened animal instincts, Spider-Man’s sense of proprioception (awareness of body and its relation to environment) has been increased.

Wow, some tough ones here. ‘kay, here we go:
1. Kyle tried to punch Deathstroke because a physical attack on the deadliest man in the DCU would be so unexpected, it just might have worked.
2. I would bring back Max Lord, pre-psychic powers & androidiness, when he used his wits and executive skills to fight evil.
3. Green Arrow would win. I don’t know why: it just feels right.
4. Tim could do more push-ups. He was trained by Batman.
5. Constantine all the way. Zatanna’s only cool when she’s written by Morrison.
6. J’onn J’onzz was definitely a cat fancier.
7. All Peter’s senses are heightened and send signals to his adrenal glands to kick in to overdrive when something out of the ordinary is sensed.
8. I’m going for Cho on this one. Pym has more education but Amadeus has the strategic intuition.
9. First name that came to mind: Dan Slott. Wouldn’t that be awesome?
10. Wasp.

1. He was so angry about Sue’s death that he wasn’t thinking clearly?

2. Rocket Red. Because all the others are going to get brought back by someone eventually, but no one remembers Dimitri.

3. Hawkeye. Green Arrow would refuse to use his king or queen- bunch of fat cats.

4. Tim Drake.

5. Constantine.

6. J’onn.

7. The radiation from the spiderbite left a recurring buzzing in his head. He’s always in trouble, so it just seems like he can sense danger.

8. Pym.

9. G. Willow Wilson

10. Wasp.

1. Kyle is my favorite GL, but he doesn’t always think first, you know?
2. Big Barda. ‘Cos i want to see a Mr. Miracle and Big Barda ongoing. You hear me, Didio?
3. Green Arrow. As a carny, Hawkeye doesn’t know how to play any game without cheating.
4. Does John Stewart still have the upper-body strength from his time in the wheelchair? If not, Tim.
5. Stage magic or magic-magic? If the first, Zatanna, since she does it for a living. For the second, it would depend on whether Zatanna uses her backwards-talking powers.
6. Martian Manhunter. He would think that owning a pet would help him to understand humans.
7.Hell, no!
8. Cho, because he didn’t think that building Ultron would be a good idea. See also the anti-Pym rant in Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E.
9. Bill Willingham
10. Wasp. because there is a miniscule chance that she won’t come back, at least for a while.

1. Explain why Kyle Rayner would try to punch Deathstroke in Identity Crisis #3.
I don’t think there was a lot of thought process to it. I think it would probably just be anger & instinct on Kyle’s part (Granted, this explanation is without me re-reading the scene lately)

2. If you could bring ONE member of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League back to life, who would it be and why?
Blue Beetle. He was fun & I miss him.

3. Who would most likely win in a game of chess (presuming no cheating) – Hawkeye or Green Arrow?
I’m thinking Ollie. He’s older, craftier & less prone to distraction than Clint.

4. Who can do more push-ups – John Stewart or Tim Drake?
No contest — John Stewart. Dude’s fully grown & was a Marine.

5. Who is the better magician – John Constantine or Zatanna?
Zatanna. She has actual powers & has never sent anyone to a loony bin.

6. Which member of the original Justice League of America is most likely to own a cat?
If we’re just talking members of the original JLA (before the Detroit era), Red Tornado. If we’re limiting it to the original 7, The Martain Manhunter. Wonder Woman is second, because she’s a girl. Girls like cats.

7. Come up with a scientific explanation for Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense.
Personally, I’m still trying to figure out why Pete doesn’t shoot webs out of his rectum (Maybe he does & has just never admitted it to anyone).

8. Who is smarter – Hank Pym or Amadeus Cho?
Can’t really answer this one, as I have no idea who Amadeus Cho is. I gather from the comments above that he’s a Marvel character, but I’m reading very little of their line these days. Am I missing anything?

9. Who would be the best (realistic, so no Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.) choice to write a new Swamp Thing series?
I was going to say Brian K. Vaughn (yes, I know he wrote it before), but I REALLY like Mutt’s Ostrander/Mandrake suggestion.

10. Who is deader – the Wasp or Jean Grey?
I would guess Jean. Because really — once you bring her back, what is left to do with her except kill her again? Janet still has more story potential.

Not John Ostrander! I couldn’t bear yet another terrible run on the character* Swamp Thing hasn’t been any good since Mark Millar left.

(by terrible I mean one that I don’t like. I just don’t get on with Ostrander’s writing)

I like the Steve Niles, Steven T Seagal, Paul Pope and Peter Milligan suggestions though. I always wanted to write a Swamp Thing run where he went a bit doolally and started having a secret identity by just putting on glasses and joined the Justice League – suddenly the Dan Slott suggestion is looking more workable.

7. Spider Sense: Spiders don’t really depend on 360 degree vision to hunt and survive as many suspect, only very few species (like jumping spiders) have vision comparable to humans, and can see all around the to track incoming prey. Still, most spiders depend on tiny hairs all over their bodies that detect air pression and substrate vibration, as well as chemoreceptors that recognize chemical trails left by other arthropods and insects. A spider’s sensory receptors work with extreme presicion, and when activated can pinpoint the direction and amplitude of the source. Preys and predators not only produce a particular chemical trail, but vibrations of differing amplitude and frequency. A spider’s brain works to funnel out the abiotic (that is non living, not prey nor predator induced) vibrations, like wind or rain, from biotic sources which trigger the flight or fight response. For example the Dolomede spider has been shown to escape predation by frogs by sensing the vibrations felt as the frong started to lunge forwards, and to localize prey up to 30 centimeters away by interpreting vibrations reflected through the surface of the water where it lays. Peter Parker’s spider sense is an extrapolation of these traits, and becomes a subconscious, but acute interpretation of changes in the chemical and pheromonic trails around him, as well as a response to alterations to air pressure and vibrations which when tied to our fight or flight instinct are normally interpreted by the instinctive part of the brain as threatening. These changes are too minute for normal humas to interpret. Also his advanced neurological and nervous system and their connections (i.e reflexes) function at faster speeds that normal humans’, this accelerates his response time to the point of almost precognition. I’m sorry for the long rant- I’ve thought about this way too much.

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