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Cracked’s Six Creepiest Comic Book Characters Ever

Shockingly, Chris Sims didn’t write this one, even if his pet hate character is number one. It’s also interesting to see how far off the radar the Ultimate comics have been, that I didn’t know that Jeph Loeb had found a way to make Mark Millar look more subtle by comparison. I think that has to qualify as an achievement.

34 Comments

Yeah, but what *kind* of achievement?

Why are you shocked? Do you really think Chris’s Terry Long hatred is rare? There are still Newsarama threads dedicated to bashing the character. Hating Long is not an oddity, it is a barometer one uses to guage normalcy. The first time I picked up a New Teen Titans book was in the 80s, and I never picked up another one after seeing Terry Long. The thought of seeing someone as hot as Wonder Girl with someone that looked like a NPR loving disco douche disturbed me even at that tender young age. I really believe that Terry Long is the reason why NTT couldn’t keep up it’s X-Men level popularity. When I read X-Men as a kid, I always felt secure that I was never at risk of seeing one of the characters with a creepy douche like Terry Long.

“I always felt secure that I was never at risk of seeing one of the characters with a creepy douche like Terry Long.”

… how old was Kitty when mid-20s Peter was putting the moves on here again? At least Donna was, you know, above the age of consent.

Peter was 18 or 19 at best. And Kitty was totally the aggressor in that relationship.

Regardless, Terry Long and Danny Whatshisname, the “Cousin Oliver with powers” kid, seem to be the two most hated characters in Titans history.

Millar (smartly) kept the incest angle “subtext” at best, “plausibly deniable” at worst.

Loeb made it the plotline of Ultimates 3. Which directly feeds into Ultimatum.

Apparently twincest is an extinction-level event. Someone should tell the porn industry.

“He is the fist of the ’70s hitting you in the face forever.” I love lines like that.

I was too young to be skeeved out by Terry when I was reading Titans. Subtext was not my forte. The only way I would have gotten the hint is if Robin had explicitly said, “Holy bubblegum-flavored roofies, Terry is a pervert!”

Sigh. A Cracked list? Again?

Sometimes Cracked is super funny and sometimes it’s a poor man’s Something Awful.

But that was pretty entertaining.

Well it’s official… Terry Long is creepier then twincest and horse/girl love.

Obviously, since there has never to my knowledge been any Terry Long porn.

Bernard the Poet

January 15, 2009 at 5:33 pm

I always found Robin’s shaved legs far creepier than Terry Long’s face fur.

“Obviously, since there has never to my knowledge been any Terry Long porn.”

Even the Dutch have their limits.

When I first got into NTT, I thought to myself “Terry Long is clearly a creator writing himself into a story because he so wants to bang Donna Troy.” But I couldn’t decide if it was Marv Wolfman or George Perez.

Years later, after reading many interviews, I’m pretty sure both are swell guys. So I don’t know what to make of Terry Long.

Terry Long was Donald Sutherland in Animal House. Only without the cute tushy.

Creepiest comic character I ever saw was that dude who was a throw pillow in Demon comics.

I always assumed that Perez went “well, if you’re going to dump in such a blatant Marty-Stu, I’m going to make him look like an utter tool, check out this dorky beard and goofy blond cauca-fro.”

I dunno, Jack- I’m pretty sure that’s Perez’s idea of stylish. Is there a worse designer in comics?

I dunno, Jack- I’m pretty sure that’s Perez’s idea of stylish. Is there a worse designer in comics?

True, I’m convinced Perez’s only source for photoreferencing to this day is a huge collection of Betamax late 70s/early 80s disco porn.

… how old was Kitty when mid-20s Peter was putting the moves on here again? At least Donna was, you know, above the age of consent.

But he didn’t look like a hippie disco douche, so I didn’t care.

Yeah. Terry Long fits the George Perez disco nightmare style of character design. I think the character isn’t a “Mary Stu” since visually and personally he doesn’t seem to resemble either WOlfman or Perez. I think they were trying to create a hip teacher/love interest and as in most cases of older guys trying to be cool he fail miserably.

I think the pinnacle of bad Perez design is the original NIghtwing “Disco Elvis” costume.

Darick Robertson is someone else who is a great artist but horrible designer. His New Warriors redesigns still make me shudder.

Oh, Terry Long is a TOTAL Marty Stu for Wolfman. Check out the storylines where Terry can’t finish his paper because of writer’s block. It parallels the the writer’s block that Wolfman has gone on record as having at the time.

Oh, now, to be fair, Perez has come up with some very nice designs, when dealing with monsters and machines. Also, I’ll confess to a liking for the Wasp costume from his early 80s (?) Avengers run, as well as an inexplicable conviction that the turtleneck safari-leisure suit is the one true Wonder Man costume.

I figured that Long was a Marv Wolfman, surrogate myself.

Besides the author connection, the character was about the same age that Wolfman was at the time, in his early 30′s.

I recall Wolfman patting himself on the back in an interview for creating what he described as a healthy and mature relationship between an 18 year old and 30 plus guy.

The fact that Ultimate Wasp seems to find Quicksilver’s and Scarlet Witch’s romance sweet makes her just as creepy.

My new year resolution was to not Loeb bash this year, so I’m not going to say much on the Ultimates thing except to say I’m not surprised it made the list.

I always thought that Peter was about 20 or so at that time, with Kitty about 16. And that was why he said during the Brood war when death was imminent that she was too young and they’d still have to wait, even though she said she didn’t care and just wanted to. Peter had always seemed a bit awkward and shy and the idea of him getting involved with someone younger made sense. At least it did to me at the time, when i was twenty and my girlfriend was seventeen.

But that Terry Long… yeesh even the name sounded pervy. I’d grown up with a crush on Wonder Girl ever since she changed costumes to that red bodysuit, and that guy made me want to ralph… I totally bought the relationship between Peter and Kitty. I didn’t buy that Terry Long and Wonder Girl crap for a second.

And oh lord I cringed so hard tonight at this Wanda / Pietro Ultimates stuff. It’s all just so ugly now, isn’t it? Caligula indeed. Reminds me why I stopped buying comics…

I’ll certainly agree that Peter and Kitty definitely SEEMED less odd back then. However, taken in context, she was at the oldest, 14 years old and he was, at the youngest, 19.

14 and 19 is still a fairly odd age difference (and yes, it certainly does happen – I knew 13 year olds growing up who dated guys in college, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t pretty odd).

I could’ve sworn that Kitty was definitely established to be 14 when she was first introduced, so I really don’t agree that that was the oldest she could have been when their relationship started. This may have been in a Claremont or Byrne interview done at the time, so I’ll allow that the hoary old “if it’s not in the books it’s not canon” rule applies, but still…
Also, someone earlier gave Peter’s age as “mid-20s” when he was maybe 22, tops, and that’s “tops” as in “the highest you can conceivably push it.”
Not that I’m this big proponent of relationships between 15 and 20 year-olds (in fact I used to be very scornful of guys I knew who went out with under-18s when I was in my early 20s), but I swear your perceptions of their ages is distorted.

I’m quite sure that Colossus was 18 at the time he was with Kitty.

Don’t let his visual appearance fool you. Rogue looked like she was 40 on her first appearances, but she was 16 according to Claremont!

Best,
Hunter (Pedro Bouça)

I could’ve sworn that Kitty was definitely established to be 14 when she was first introduced

13 and a half.

She turned fourteen during the Brood storyline in the #160s.

Brian’s dead-on; Kitty Pryde is one of the few characters in Marvel to have had established birthdays where they stated her age. She was thirteen when introduced, and turned fourteen while she had a Brood embryo implanted in her (Claremont makes a point of mentioning that a) it’s the suckiest birthday ever, and b) it’s probably her last.

She turned fifteen in Excalibur #24, complete with Saturnyne throwing her a birthday party. So for her entire relationship with Peter, she could have been no older than fourteen. (This is interesting, by the way, because it also implies that everything from the first Brood saga all the way up through at least ‘Inferno’, including but not limited to Iron Man’s alcoholism, Thor’s turning into a frog, the whole Black Costume saga, the destruction of the X-Mansion, the “deaths” of the X-Men in Dallas, Professor X’s going into space, the destruction of the Baxter Building, the arrival and death of the Beyonder, and Captain America’s identity being taken away by the federal government…all apparently happened in one 365-day span. Now that’s a hell of a year.)

So… Terry Long’s creepy because he’s older than Donna Troy, has blond curly hair and a beard?!?!

Yet it’s okay for Logan to have all these young girls like Jubilee, Kitty, etc, giving him the Doe-eyes?

Sorry, this just sounds like someone with a Donna fixation who’s jealous of a fictional character…

There are some waaaay more creepy characters who didn’t make this list…
How about:
The Hill-billies who kidnap Starr in Preacher?
Cassidy in Preacher?
The new Ant-man (hanging around in women’s showers?)
Kid Miracleman/Marvelman?
Henry Bendix from the Authority?
Kryb from Green Lantern/Green Lantern Corps?

“So… Terry Long’s creepy because he’s older than Donna Troy, has blond curly hair and a beard?!?!”

Yeah, I don’t get the hatred either. I loved Donna and Terry’s relationship (before later writers who didn’t like Terry made him a jerk and killed the relationship…), and really liked Terry as a character.

I thought it was pretty cool that someone mature like Donna ended up with such a nice guy, and that fact that he wasn’t another hero made it even nicer to me. Made it seem normal, they were cute together. He was in his 30s and she was practically in her 20s, I don’t see what the big deal was.

He didn’t come across as a pervert or a jerk to me.

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