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My Favorite Mid-90s Bad Ass Jesus Comic

Okay, people, I’ll give you one more, and it’s only because whenever I think of Avengers Unplugged #2, my mind always wanders also to the glory of Glory/Avengelyne II: The Godyssey #1.

To set up the issue, which was written by Robert Napton and drawn (at least the scenes I’m showing) by Ed Benes, Glory comes from the tradition of the Greek gods. Avengelyne is a hero based on the Christian God. The two heroes had teamed up before, but now they are stuck in the middle of a war between the Greek gods and the Christian God, based on the following, which shows what happens when the Greek gods stop by Jesus’ crucifixion to talk some trash.

It is not a pretty sight.

Be forewarned – bad ass Jesus drawn by Ed Benes follows if you continue reading!

(Click on the above double-page spread to enlarge so as to get the full appreciation of bad ass Jesus)

I think the lesson here is something that was made very clear in The Big Lebowski.

65 Comments

This is why we have blasphemy laws in the U.K.

Amazing. Man, this is on a par with that Ultimate warrior Christmas comic.

At least it’s better than his Justice League.

I started laughing before I even read the first panel, when I realized what was most likely going to happen.

You know, if you’re putting this up, you have to put up the AMAZING Godsploitation issue of Savage Dragon. The one where God drops the F-bomb.

You spoil us, Brian.

But what’s the lesson? The dude abides?

Furious George

April 9, 2009 at 7:28 am

Wow, not only is the art ugly, even the writing and lettering is hard to look at. A failure on all levels.

This may be the most awesome train wreck of a comic I have ever seen. I should be offended as a Christian and a comic reader, but I can’t be, it is just too laughable. I think I’m gonna track down as many copies of this issue as I can find and have the teens in my youth group hand them out to their friends at school. If God’s message of forgiveness and love for all isn’t enough to convert teens to Christianity, the certainly the image of Christ (the pacifist) opening a can of whup-ass on Zeus will suck them in. Screw the Gospels, preach from the comic…

Hmm..yeah not Ed Benes’ best work, but this made me cringe on so many levels. I don’t know whether to laugh (if it’s a parody of 90s comics) or cry (if it’s not). Here’s a great Jesus story though, by Alex Toth:
http://www.dialbforblog.com/archives/187/

If you enjoyed this, I highly suggest you google and read the Chick Tract “The Sissy”. it was written to assure truckers that Jesus was not a sissy and, indeed, it proves otherwise.

Ah, memories: “The Sissy” was actually the first thing I ever linked to on the first web page I ever made…

Argo, you can have my copy. :)

I’m sure it’s in my closet somewhere (along with most of the other Extreme/Maximum/Awesome comics I bought in my misspent youth).

This is the best Easter present I never knew to ask for. Wrong on so many levels…

Eh, Loaded Bible is better.

And Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter.

Aww, F*ck yeah!!

On that double page spread I was waiting for Jesus to pop out his adamantium claws. He already has the blood in the right place.

This Jesus turns the other cheek and then kicks people in the balls!

Boy, I couldn’t even get around the annoyingly stylized lettering to read the damn thing. But the art is pretty awful, though. Ed Benes… still not an artist I like very much.

Nobody’s even mentioned yet the horrendous dialogue, with thous and thees interchanged freely:

“Thou has proven thyself a worthy opponent, but can thee surmount true powe? Does thee have the courage to combat the almighty Zeus?”

So bad.

That Alex Toth comic was way better. Surprise, surprise.
http://www.dialbforblog.com/archives/187/

The sight with the “Dirty Job” story indicates it’s a Christmas story, but it’s definitely an Easter story (or, more properly, a Good Friday story).

Oops. I meant “site,” not “sight.”

Nobody f*cks with The Jesus

Oh no. I had no idea this existed. I was so much happier before I did!

I remember that comic (flipped through it, didn’t buy it.) Wasn’t that sequence just a dream or a symbolic vision? It’s still pretty irreverent (and silly) anyway.

Note that I *am* a Christian, but stuff like this doesn’t bother me that much- it’s just a comic, people will always come up with similar (or worse) things. I just ignore it. However, if I were an Editor, I’d certainly not let it pass, because I know a lot of people WOULD be pissed by it, and that’s not good for sales.

So…”Who would win in a fight, Jesus or Zeus” was sort of a precursor to our “Who’s stronger, Superman or Hulk” style debates, is that what this comic is saying?

I’m literally asking what this comic is saying, the lettering was incomprehensible.

This comic should be the made into a sequel to Bible Fight: http://www.adultswim.com/games/game/index.html?game=biblefight

It’s always funny that the question is phrased that way, “who would win in a fight”, instead of “what would happen if these two met?”. There’s a potential for conflict in either question, but the fight scenario seems to need a more convoluted plot and a stretch of characterization to move the story forward. You may as well ask “What if Jesus had adamantium claws?” at that point.

>>You may as well ask “What if Jesus had adamantium claws?” at that point.

He *didn’t*? Perhaps I should’ve paid more attention in Sunday school …

Verily, the gods doth speak in a truly hideous typeface! In word balloons with a color scheme so hideous as to offend the eye! All the worst cliches of the Image era of comics, right here.

I had in mind the “Seinfeld” episode where Jerry’s dentist announces he’s converted to Judaism, and starts telling all sorts of stereotyped Jew jokes. Jerry seeks out the dentist’s former priest and tells him about it in the confessional:
“And this offends you as a person of the Jewish faith?”
“No, it offends me as a comedian!”

Nice to know that my God kicks their gods’ ass any day of the week… Fridays, at least.

This comic was done tongue in cheek, right? They couldn’t have been serious.

Although I probably would buy a comic call Bad Ass Jesus.

Beta Ray Steve

April 9, 2009 at 10:15 am

Is it wrong to root for Zeus because of all tha hot chicks on his side?

IMHO, I think there are two ways of interpreting this scene:

1. This a commentary on the “mythic” status of superheroes. Here, we have two classical examples of “myths.” I think the point is how ridiculous it would be if our ancient myths worked the same way our modern myths do. The hyper-stylized fighting and stiff dialogue I think are comments on 1990s comics and how crappy our modern “myths” have become. Similarly, it could be saying that we shouldn’t even consider superheroes “myths” at all.

2. The creators though “Man, it would B.A. if Jesus fought Zeus. Oh hell yeah, lets do that!”

I remember when this issue came out we all ran out and bought it cause we thought it was hilarious, only to find out it wasn’t intended to be funny. If I remember correctly, isn’t the cover a photo of two hot chicks in Avengelyne costumes, and wasn’t this put out on Liefeld’s comic book imprint? I guess it was a prequel to the end times book he just put out.

Eh. Chuck Norris would fucking kick him in the jaw.

Roquefort Raider

April 9, 2009 at 12:37 pm

This may be the quintessential ’90s comic in all its in-your-face awfulness.

All it lacks is shoulder pads and pockets.

Sweet Jesus Zeus Buddha. I had seen scans of this, but I didn’t think it had actually been published.

Man, this just screams “Hey, we’re being all shocking and controversial and stuff! Make a big deal out of this so we can sell more copies!”…

Did anyone else think of “The Spirit of Christmas”, the short that inspired South Park? The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special also comes to mind.

Man, and I though Battle Pope was stirring the pot.

It might have worked on some level, if not for the typical Image-ish “artwork” and dialogue. Rob Liefeld might dig it, though.

Random Stranger

April 9, 2009 at 3:41 pm

As an atheist I feel offended for religion’s sake.

But as long as we’re chatting sacrilegious comics there’s an entertainingly goofy manga where Jesus and Buddha return to earth to live as roommates in Tokyo.

All it lacks is shoulder pads and pockets.

Don’t forget robot costumes. The 90s loved robot costumes.

Whether this was intended as a commentary on the genre or just “omg it would be totally sweet if…” it’s still executed in the most repugnant way imaginable.

@ Ted2:

That’s not an either/or situation.

At least Jesus doesn’t have a really big gun.

Mike Loughlin

April 9, 2009 at 5:40 pm

or cyborg parts.

or stigmata that shoot electricity.

or a crown that shoots thorns.

or command of the God Force, which manifests as a fiery dove surrounding his body. “Hear me, o Christians! No longer am I the messiah you once knew…”

How’s this for timing?

Today’s comic from Saturday Morning Breakfast: http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1481

Jesus versus Zeus is sooo ’90′s. Jesus versus Buddha? (Granted that Buddha knows kung fu.) Jesus versus Allah? (Blasphemy! Death Unto You! Which means Jesus WINS.) Jesus versus that Guy With All The Arms? (I think it’s a guy. Might be a chick.)

This is turning into Mortal Kombat : God Edition.

“I love The Last Temptation of Christ, but I hate ideas. Whattadaya got?”

Roquefort Raider

April 10, 2009 at 10:42 am

It could have spawned a continuing series replete with attempted controversy:

First issue: “Revelations!” -Everything you thought you knew about Jesus is FALSE! (Little is actually revealed, except that Jesus’ eyes (which have no upper eyelids because they’re too hard to draw) are shown to glow in the dark).

Second issue: “Sins of the Father” – Jesus and his Heavenly Dad get into a typical Thor-Odin argument,
punch each other for about 10 splash pages, and Jesus is cast from heaven, apparently dead.

Third issue: “Female of the species” – Mary Magdalene takes up Jesus’ mantle as defender of the faithful against the “Unbelievers”, dressed in a chromium tank top and armed with a gun that’s clearly twice as heavy as she is. It’s called a Faith Gun, and like the Carebears’ chest beams they don’t seem to hurt her opponents… They just go “Agheeeee!” and revert from their demonic form to a more mundane one.

Fourth issue: “Resurrection” – Jesus comes back from the dead, but with half his body replaced by robotic parts. Apparently his Dad is fine with that and says his son must do penance by being half machine for a while. The editor protests that “dead is dead” certainly should not apply to Jesus.

Fifth issue: “Screw it!” – Warren Ellis comes abord to rescue the ailing title. We learn that the “Jesus” we’ve been following is a figment of the imagination of a cynical booze- and cigarette-addicted ex-private eye turned TV producer, who suspects that his bosses might be feeding disinformation to the public in order to bring about a military coup. He has a pet armadillo named Gunther and a foul-mouthed girlfriend who juggles chainsaws on Coney Island. At the end of the comic, he shoots the pope.

Sixth issue : “Revelations II”. Warren Ellis was replaced by Rob Liefeld. The retcon from last issue is reversed and “Jesus” is revealed to be a legacy hero; there have been several dozen heroes carrying the tradition through the ages. The spin-off “Jesus: the Spanish Inquisition” is announced but never produced, putting the lie to the phrase “no one expects the Spanish inquisition”.

And then the entire run ends up in the quarter bin, where it will gather dust for centuries.

Roquefort Raider… if you create that mess of brilliance you just described I will finance it. That is a 6 issue mini issue series that perfectly encapsulates perhaps a 20 year history of the medium. Man, I really mean to ask, wait a minute, “you mean that Jesus story doesn’t already exist?”

This is your Easter contribution…? Oy

[...] Should Be Good nachlesen: Brian Cronin (a.k.a. Dread Lord and Master of CSBG) zeigt seinen liebsten Bad-Ass-Jesus-Comic. Hier schon mal der Kontext zu den Seiten aus Glory/Avengelyne II: The Godyssey #1 (allein der [...]

Holy Crap!

In so many ways…

Oh, and Sgt Rawk? Jesus vs. Allah makes no sense. Allah = Jehovah = YHWH = God…

And yeah, the Greek typeface sucks, bigtime…

“But what’s the lesson? The dude abides?”

I’m lost too.
Maybe “this aggression will NOT stand” ?

[...] Lots more here. Spread the word! Comics // “; document.write(s); // ]]> Project Wonderful – Your ad here, right now, for as low as $0 [...]

Bryan Randall

July 13, 2009 at 7:33 pm

As I started checking out this ‘bad ass Jesus’ as you call him, Pearl Jam’s ‘I’m Still Alive’ was playing on the radio which I thought was an interesting coincedence . . . because I now that Jesus IS still alive . . . somewhere out there. Even now, Incubus’ song ‘Dig’ is playing on the radio right now. That song is about our own personal weaknesses, and that we have the power of eachother’s love to get us over our own weaknesses, our own sicknesses (I think). And that to, plays a part in Jesus message to all of us. None the less, I give the writer and the artist a commendation on the originality of it all, despite its weaknesses.

“don’t fuck with the jesus”

of course…

[...] Heaven who fought demons on Earth, appeared in several miniseries, one-shots, crossovers (including one with Glory, another Liefeld creation) and her own series from Maximum Press, and was later published by [...]

I think it is great because by far he was the only God in the history of mans so called Religions .That had left his throne to redeem that which was lost! I like it!!!!!

Check jesuspall (dot) com – is something similar but more retarded

If it’s OK to have a comic prominently featuring the god Thor, why not Jesus?

Christopher Ray

June 13, 2013 at 7:10 am

Most epic Jesus comic I’ve ever seen. Jesus rules

I think this is just a thought where as nobody believes in Greek religion anymore as Jesus had “beaten them”. However this is just a fantasy as to illustrate for the entertainment purpose as it doesn’t correlate with the gospel.

That was a really good drawing

[...] this comic about Jesus taking on Zeus and his souvlaki-eating buddies. It’s called “Avengelyne II: The Godyssey #1“, and as you might have guessed, it’s my new obsession. Anyone who knows where I can [...]

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