CSBG Archive
The scariest panel in Marvel Comics history?
- by Greg Burgas
- in General
- 27 Comments
Plus: Who is the immortal being who has been pulling the strings of the Marvel Universe since its very beginning????
So I’m sitting there, reading The Amazing Spider-Man Essential Volume 9 (which finally came out; thanks, Marvel, for making me wait!), and I’m trying to enjoy the old-school Spidey goodness and the art of such luminaries as Jim Starlin, John Byrne, Frank Miller, John Romita Jr., with a good dose of Keith Pollard and a dash of Al Milgrom thrown in. However, I can’t, because this volume contains what just might be the most terrifying panels in Marvel history, and now it haunts my dreams! It haunts my dreams!!!!!
But first, a clue to the person who has been secretly running the Marvel Universe for centuries! In issue #187 (written by Marv Wolfman, co-plotted and laid out by Jim Starlin, and finished by Bob McLeod), we find this panel:
Okay, so exactly how old is J. Jonah Jameson? This comic was published in 1978. I asked my wife how old she thinks JJJ is (based on J. K. Simmons’ portrayal in the movies). She said 65. The owner of my comics shoppe also said 65. The other employee and I both think late 50s. Even if he’s 65, he would have been 19 in 1932, when FDR defeated Hoover. Would he really be that angry about it at 19? I suppose, but if he’s, say, 58, that means he was 12 in 1932. Why would a 12-year-old be that grumpy about a socialist beating an inept president? It makes no sense, man!
No, the only logical explanation, soon to be revealed by Brian Michael Bendis in the six-issue mini-series The Power Behind the Illuminati: J. Jonah Jameson’s Life as an Immortal (with art by Bryan Hitch, which means the first issue will ship in October 2008 and the sixth in July 2017), is that JJJ is immortal. He’s been secretly shaping events in the Marvel U. since caped apes came down from the trees. Apocalypse is pretty old, right? Hah! JJJ was his master in ancient Egypt! What better way for an immortal to influence events than as a newspaper publisher???? It all makes sense!!!
But that’s not the most horrible thing in this collection of comics. Yes, the idea of an undying J. Jonah Jameson chills the very marrow of my bones, but in a later issue (#207 to be exact), Denny O’Neil, aided by James Mooney and Pablo Marcos, gives us this panel:
What the hell? WHAT THE FREAKIN’ HELL?!?!?!?!?
That’s Peter on a date with Debby Whitman, by the way. They’ve gone to see Mesmero, who’s supposedly gone straight. As they leave the theater, that dude approaches them. Get a closer look:
I can’t even imagine someone coming up to me and saying that. It would totally freak me out forever. I don’t know what the hell O’Neil was trying to do, but if he was trying to scare the bejesus out of me, he succeeded. Later in the issue, a dude (presumably the same one) asks Debby if she wants to buy something “stinky,” but that’s just drugs, I suppose. What could he mean by this question? Exactly what would Peter and Debby see if they had listened to this strange, evil man?
This issue is near the end of the volume (issue #210 is the final one), so I don’t know if O’Neil was setting something up that would show up down the line, where we learn more about this dude. I hope not, as it would diminish the absolute terror contained in that panel. Seriously – does anything come close in Marvel Comics history? I THINK NOT!!!!!!!









27 Comments
Michael
May 24, 2009 at 9:17 am
Knowing that O’Neill lived in New York at the time, one wonders if this was actually how drug dealers made their approach to potential customers back then.
Sallyp
May 24, 2009 at 9:34 am
It must have been a copy of Youngblood #1
Oh snap!
Matt Ampersand
May 24, 2009 at 10:50 am
If I’m not mistaken, JJJ appeared in Marvels alongside with Phil Sheldon back when the Human Torch and Namor first appeared.
What’s even more scarier, just how damn old is his father?
rwe1138
May 24, 2009 at 11:00 am
Eh, sliding timescale. What are you gonna do?
Conor E
May 24, 2009 at 11:29 am
If I recall correctly, Jameson was never identified by name in the WWII era section of Marvels, so it was a nudge nudge wink wink sort of thing.
John Cage
May 24, 2009 at 11:59 am
The Jameson from “Marvels” has been retconned into a completely separate character with no connection to J. Jonah Jameson — I think the explanation is JJJ modeled himself after the original and because they look alike, folks assume they were related. Here’s the rundown on the character: http://www.marvunapp.com/Appendix3/jamesonoldman.htm
Since Jameson’s father came back I’ve been thinking about how old they both are. I figure that if Jameson jr. is 65-ish (and was in his early 50s when the series started), Jameson sr. must be in his late 80s, which would be more obvious if he didn’t look at least ten years younger. And then I figure I should stop thinking about it so much and just enjoy the ride.
Have a good day.
John Cage
joecab
May 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm
This was an infinity comic: the terrible thing he offered Peter was the very same comic they were appearing in!
A.J.
May 24, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Why the hell would Jonah from the first issue of Marvels need to be retconned? Marvels was an out-of-continuity story (made clear by the fact that the entire series narrative ran in real-time from 1939 to 1972).
Bill Reed
May 24, 2009 at 3:50 pm
That guy invented Goatse.
T.
May 24, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Ok…why is Pollard not grouped in with the “luminaries?” Seriously, Pollard is so underrated and gets no respect! He was one of the greats!
One of my favorite Pollard covers:
http://anyeventuality.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/1986-05-spectacularspider-man114-keith-pollard.jpg
stephen cade
May 24, 2009 at 4:57 pm
How about this–Robbie isn’t serious about Jameson, just making a joke about him–which fits the context–both the last time JJJ was that angry & a little dig at his age.
People do that all the time. They joke that somebody is so old, they were around when such & such happened.
I wouldn’t put any stock in it beyond that.
Greg Burgas
May 24, 2009 at 5:01 pm
But I can still have fun with it, right, stephen?
Sorry, T. Pollard’s work on the book is decent if unspectacular, and I, personally, just wouldn’t put him up with those other gentlemen. I could be wrong, though, as I haven’t seen enough of Pollard’s work to judge very well.
Beacon
May 24, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Didn’t Young Avengers heavily imply that JJJ was a kid/teen in WWII? IIRC he said he wanted to be Bucky as a kid (right up until he was “killed” anyway)
stephen cade
May 24, 2009 at 8:31 pm
“But I can still have fun with it, right, stephen?”
Of course–this is a comic after all.
Mad_Man_Moon
May 24, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Come on guys … the timelines are pretty fluid … at best … I believe the last comment was ‘can’t you just read the stories without worrying about this kind of stuff.
If you followed all the bloody timelines and everything … Parker would be 50 … Batman would be an old man … and Judge Dredd …well … he lived (agh .. lives … AGH does he?) in the future anyway … so that’s allowed.
Dunc
May 25, 2009 at 1:49 am
@Mad_Man_Moon:
Ironically Judge Dredd does qage in real time, or near enough to it anyway.
Dunc
May 25, 2009 at 1:49 am
‘age’. gah.
Tuomas
May 25, 2009 at 3:22 am
The Marvel Earth isn’t the same as our Earth, is it? They share a lot of the same history, but maybe this particular election happened, say, 25 years later in the Marvel timeline? Maybe it was even between different Hoover and Roosevelt than the candidates of that name in our history?
T.
May 25, 2009 at 7:00 am
The problem is, even if you adjust for the rolling fluid timeline and use the date this issue was printed, the math still doesn’t work.
themadgasser
May 25, 2009 at 8:25 am
Aggghhhh! 25 years of collecting comics and I see this issue is still being debated!?
You just have to ignore topical references in comics. Like a dying parent, you just have to let them go.
Stephen
May 25, 2009 at 8:27 am
Actually, the idea of a 12-year-old Jonah getting absurdly pissed off by an election result rings absolutely true to me. He always struck me as the type of person who wanted to be politically active – hence why the current storyline rings true, if odd – but was so disgusted by the people running the system that he then made it his life’s goal to weed them out of politics by being a good reporter instead.
McK
May 25, 2009 at 8:28 am
Perhaps Ben was making a joke, and we are all wasting our valuable memorial day BBQ time by wondering otherwise.
…now I have to run to the store for some more hot dogs.
I Love Gerbils
May 26, 2009 at 1:44 am
“Wanna buy somethin’ terrible?”
Who the funk would say “yes” to that question? May as well say, “Fancy a kick in the balls?”
Jeff Ryan
May 26, 2009 at 6:22 am
I thought the scariest panel in the marvel Universe was JJJ and Aunt May in bed together. Hey, anyone’s a step up from Doc Ock.
Stanley L
May 26, 2009 at 9:58 am
No no, what makes that “terrible” panel so horrifying is the fact that the word balloon isn’t even coming from the creepy guy. THERE’S AN INVISIBLE DRUG DEALER NEXT TO HIM!
Anthony Cheng
May 26, 2009 at 2:59 pm
“Wanna buy somethin’ terrible” is a more interesting pitch than just “Hey, want some crack?.”
In a few more years, the “Old Man” Jameson of the 40′s will be revealed as JJJ’s grandfather. Just wait for it.
Mad_Man_Moon
May 28, 2009 at 8:35 am
I thought the scariest Marvel panel ever was Brian Michael Bendis and Robert Kirkman …