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Wednesday Comics’ 5th Week Ranked

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• by Brad Curran
• in General
• 10 Comments

Yeah, I’m going to make this my shtick, too, in addition to being redundant.

A disclaimer: The following rankings are only part of a complex equation created by a committee made up of MIT mathematics professors, Cal/Berkley computer scientists, Benedictine monks, and Peruvian flautists who are accountable to no one save the shadowy cabal that recruited them. This week’s rankings play only a small part in deciding which strip will ultimately be crowned the best. And really, it will probably depend on which strip has the best ending, making the previous eleven weeks superfluous.* So, if you don’t like how everything shakes down, complain to them, not me. If you can find them and live to tell the tale! Just know that there will never be a head to head play off between Hawkman and Kamandi, so you can just shut up about that right now. Also, the Flash.

Yes, that was a very labored BCS joke. On a comic book blog. I don’t know why either, but at least Burgas will appreciate it. On to the rankings!

1. Metamorpho (last week 7th)- Gaiman and Allred shoot up the charts with their best installment so far, combining pop art and French cooking in ways never before dreamed about. That panel with all the salt deserves its own award.

2. Hawkman (no change)- In this installment, Hawkman tries to steer a plane with his harness. That is all you need to know. (Well, that’s all that happens, but still.)

3. The Flash (11th)- While voters my be reacting to the backlash over the strips temporary snub from last week’s list, this strip’s prolific jump is also due to the fact that many voters felt this was the best strip this week, and are pre-conditioned to enjoy anything with infant universes.

4. Supergirl (6th)- Because of the last panel, that’s why.

5. Kamandi (1st)- This one may be suffering because voters have been knee deep in post apocalyptia in another medium recently. In fact, rumor has it that had Kamandi performed a textbook dropkick to an ape’s chest, it might not be in the top 5.

6. Strange Adventures (3rd)- This one falls out of the top five because, well, nothing much happens. Still looks great, though, and the voters are pretty damn shallow. Also, it’s by Paul Pope, so it’s at least partially getting by on rep. Which makes it the Notre Dame/Ohio State/USC/etc of this poll.

7. Metal Men (4th)- Still fun and all, but has the misfortune to go up against superior Metal Men strip, which makes hurts it a little. This is the first week in recorded history in which two Metal Men strips have existed concurrently, so we lacked a precedent. We should be able to adjust accordingly next time so as not to short change Dan Didio and his one contribution to DC Comics that doesn’t make people want him to lose his job.

8. Batman (12th)- Dropping my own gimmick for a second, Alfred’s bemusement at Bruce hooking up with the femme fatale cracked me up. So that’s why it moved up.

9. Green Lantern (no change)- Sure, the plot’s not moving, but I really enjoy New Frontier era Hal Jordan’s astronaut training. It may move down when he finally shows up as GL.

10. Sgt. Rock (no change)- He’s never leaving that interrogation room, is he? He’s just going to get punched in the face for 12 weeks before the cavalry shows up. Or Rock finds a way to murder all the Nazis with his teeth. If it’s the latter, we have a new greatest achievement in graphic literature. Then again, there’s also that photographer. I think something’s up there that will become important soon. But I’m still holding out for the teeth murder option that I just thought of. I’ll be bitterly disappointed if it doesn’t happen, too!

11. Demon/Catwoman (8th)- That last panel reminds me of something Mignola would draw. And the Demon rhymed,** so that was cool. That was kind of it, but it looks like things will pick up next week.

12. Deadman (5th)- Still looks great, but this week’s installment didn’t do much for me. We. The voters. Or just me, but with the royal we. Shit, I can’t keep my own rules straight! Anyway, despite the fact that Deadman monkey flips a demon (which I wholeheartedly approve of, and wish to seem more of in comics), I was pretty underwhelmed by this installment. I mean we!

13. Superman (14th)- This story will be my favorite if Superman solves his depression by getting a Myspace and whining about how no one gets him on it. Or if J’onn J’ones shows up and busts his balls. “Yeah, Superman, you sure have it tough.” Either would work to make this interminable but pretty strip tolerable when it’s done, but it’s still pretty bad now. I’m sorry for reviewing this before it’s done. And for continuing to read it when it’s bad.

14. Teen Titans (15th)- I’m wondering if this got mixed in with the rest of the strips by accident and they just decided to roll with it. Because really, this doesn’t feel like it fits in very well.

NR: Wonder Woman- Yeah, I can’t work up the patience to slog through this one now. Maybe later.

Check back next week, when I’ll probably decide whether to drop the pretense of this list being voted on by a panel of people instead of just me and the voices in my head!** And I may actually read Wonder Woman, too! No promises on either.

*Which means Duffman was also on the committee, apparently.
**It just occurred to me that no one one has ever done a hip hop revamp of the Demon. I’m not sure whether to be relieved or disappointed by that.
***Or the multiple personalities that make up all of the posters on this blog.