PREVIEWS: "Civil War II," "Punisher" & More Marvel Comics on Sale June 1, 2016
I have a cold. I will now try to pass it on to our readers via the blog. Get sick and miss work!
Agents of Atlas #11- Great comic, greatest comic, or are you an asshole who doesn’t read Agents of Atlas and deserves the contempt and scorn of your fellow man? Time to nut up and find out, girls! (Imagine Nick Fury saying this whole pitch, and you will grow a mustache. Two if you already have one.)
32. What? That was a random thought!
If I could marry Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, I would. Even if that would be polygamy because I married MUA: Gold Edition a few years back in Vegas.
I mean, seriously, Cable calls Bishop on the phone in MUA2 and they argue over the registration act, both making the same point; “I’m from the future, so I’m right!” That is already better writing than everything Mark Millar’s ever done or will do, even if he leaves comics behind and writes the great Scottish novel one day.
The great American Graphic Novel scares me like Barrack Obama scares Glenn Beck. Or bores me like Glenn Beck bores me. I dunno. I don’t read too many art comics, and I don’t feel too bad about that now that I ignore Dirk Deppey. Somehow, ADD became my Facebook friend. Maybe he can turn me around.
A friend of mine can not fathom that I don’t care about Blackest Night. In other news, I have a friend now! Anyway, he got pissed when I’d giggle every time he would try to recap the plot. Eventually, it became involuntary.
Because I will say this everywhere that I can; Bobby Lashley is boring. BORRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! BORRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! He makes Goldberg look like Dean Malenko wearing Lou Thez’s skin, possessed by the Rock’s charisma. Or, for the unenlightened, he’s a crappy pro wrestler who’s got a match his employers expect people to pay money tomorrow, and for some reason, I am fixated on that. Also, he does MMA.
I’m not explaining what MMA is to Dan Bailey and other half centrarians here. I AM IN NO MOOD!
Does Joe Rice ever miss writing here? I miss missing him writing here.
If I could have cartoon sex with one comic character, it would be Maggie from Love and Rockets. 2, it would be Zatanna. Three, Wolverine. I wouldn’t need to have sex with anyone else after him. Also, I’d probably get mutant VD so powerful I’d either become the Phoenix or spontaneously combust.
Firefox says combust isn’t a word. I get the feeling only Firefox thinks Firefox is a word in the world of spellcheckers. I am a late adopter. Anyway, I hate hypocritical spell checkers. Which is why I hate most of our audience. Eat my typos with a spoon, frustrated English majors!
The following five wrestlers could also be Spider-Man villains:
2. The VULTURE Squad
4. Rey MYSTERIO
5. Bobby Lashley (Dr. Boringpants) (You can’t prove that’s not a real Spider-Man villain without doing more research than is necessary. Because no research is necessary. This is very circular.)
It occurred to me a long time ago that I no longer care about Daredevl. I’m still trying to come to terms with that.
No Sims link tonight. No one gets a link.
Not even Sean and Brandon for that great strip about why I can’t be bothered to care about Daredevil.
Because, I mean, it’s still on the main page, right? I can’t be bothered to check, because I already had it tattooed to my back in case anyone ever asks me why I don’t care about Daredevil anymore.
Tattooed has two ts? Who came up with that? Bobby Lashley?
Bobby Lashley is my Frank Stallone now, apparently.
This is Lashley, so I better hope he has a sense of humor or doesn’t read all comic book blogs for mentions of his name, and know how to use Google maps, and Kevin Nash doesn’t show him Jay and Silent Bob’s movie I used to like, and they decide to reenact that because they are both bored with pro wrestling, and then they come to my house and assault me. Look, I realized that was implausible a few steps ago, but I had to see it through.
Is Abhay still doing his Dracula thing? If he is, you should probably go read that. It’s much better than what I’m doing.
For real. Go. I won’t blame you. Abhay is like a god unto me.
I made a shrine for him. I don’t know what he looks like, so I just burned some issues of Secret Invasion in front of my Nathan Fillion shrine, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?
If Abhay is Nathan Fillion, two things are apparent:
1. Fillion is the greatest actor of our time
2. He should have eaten Joss Whedon and written Firely himself. It would still be on today. On every channel. At the same time.
Yeah, I’m not sure I’m gonna make it through this common cold. Tell Chris Sims I loved her!
That reference; should I die for that, or just be tortured until I WISH I was dead? Apodaca, I bow to your judgment on punishment for lame references. I won’t follow it, or even see it, but I respect it some cosmic way.
P.S.- Is Silver Surfer as Jeff Spicoli better or worse than Silver Surfer as Emo Space Jesus with no visible genitals? Show your work.
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