The Biggest Superhero Films That Didn't Happen, Part 2
Comic Books, Film
Throw some things at the wall and see what sticks! It’s time for me to jump back on the random thoughts bandwagon once again! It’s also something of a cover/solicits review, so I’m ripping off more than one gimmick* for once! Get indignant if you don’t like references to pro wrestling! Because I’m gonna make some of those, too. Hey, at least that guy that hated my Sims worship phase will probably not be so cranky!
Cultural Deficiency Alert!
I was originally going to dismiss this collection of Wolverine variant covers as a shameless cash grab, until I read the solicits. Then I realized that if my Art Appreciation class in college had been based on Wolverine cover homages, I’d probably remember something from it. So, got me there, Marvel.
I Bet Old Jim’s Rolling Over In His Grave Right Now This is the most adorable Steranko homage I’ve ever seen. To be fair, I don’t think I’ve ever seen another Steranko homage that registered on the cute scale, but still; that’s just below a Lego Rock Band consisting of a puppy, a kitten, a baby, and this lady on the cute scale. And that’s pretty damn cute, in case you didn’t catch that.
Like dorky transportation for security guards, it’s a segue!
And speaking of cute, there’s Beasts of Burden. Sure, it’s a creepy horror comic, but it also has a pug, so I think that transition was valid. Anyway, that was the best comic I read last week, against not very much competition. I picked up the new Vigilante and Conan issues because they had art from the tag teams of Walt Simonson and John Paul Leon and Tim Truman and Joe Kubert. So I definitely got my $3 worth there. But both stories weren’t much more than solid. Sort of like how I feel about Rucka and William’s Batwoman, really (even if I am apparently very wrong about that one).
Another book I picked up last week, Power Girl, also falls in to that category for me. Really like the art, but the story didn’t do much for me. I’d leave it at that, but I have a slogan to really express how I feel about it!
Power Girl: The Best Perfectly Acceptable Superhero Comic I Don’t Care About At All.
And this is why I’d never make it in advertising. That and my lack of interest in Mad Men. You should probably want to watch Mad Men if you’re going to get in to advertising. Also, if you’re not a mouth breather, appparently.**
I’d Like Marv Wolfman’s Comics If Not For All The Marv Wolfman My apathy toward the story in Vigilante reminds me that, aside from Tomb of Dracula (which I’ve been reading a ton of lately), I don’t care for Marv Wolfman’s writing too much. I haven’t read a lot of it, but I’m not that in to his superhero work. I’ve never really had that reaction to a writer before. Even writers I find hit and miss, like Bendis and Millar, have more than one than one “hit” in my book.
To be fair, I haven’t read a ton of his superhero stuff outside of some scattered Superman and Spider-Man issues and Titans (and even that was in a format that didn’t really do the work justice, the Judas Contract TPB). So, like Geoff Johns, I should probably give him a fair chance to win me over and not base my opinion on a small sample size. Especially since I’m ripping off the guys who brought that phrase to my attention.
Hey, now he’s talking about wrestling, too! Again! I will surely make a comment about how I do not appreciate this! Or I could just skip it until the next random thought, I guess.
1. Bryan Danielson- He lives up to that “Best In the World” tag from what I’ve seen, and you need a guy who can get a good match out of anyone on your roster. Can work as a face or a heel, and has underrated personality. (In that many people don’t think he has one.)
2. A.J. Styles- He can do everything well in the ring, has become serviceable on the mic, and really, I’d just like to book him and Danielson in a feud for months on end, especially since that’s a pretty untapped match. Can also work face or heel.
3. Evan Bourne- My favorite high flier to come down the pike in years, and since that’s my favorite style of wrasslin’, I’d want him around. He doesn’t have mic skills to speak of, but he’s been able to get over in giant obsessed WWE based on his ring work. Seems like the perfect underdog.
4. Motor City Machine Guns- For my “tag team I count as one entity.” Because they are awesome and I’d love to be able to book them as a dominant team.
5. Samoa Joe- I wanted to be a contrarian and not have any overlap with any of Chad’s picks, but I fell just short, especially because Joe could fill the “monster” spot on my undersized roster. This does mean that my dream promotion is pretty much a greatest hits version of ROH, but there it is.
He’s done with that juvenile, homoerotic wrestling crap! Now he’s going to talk about superheroes instead. Thank god!
I read the penultimate issue of Essential Power Man and Iron Fist Volume 1 the other day. It left me with a dilemma.
You see, I’m not the most culturally sensitive guy in the world. I know, what a shock, coming from the guy that said that thing about Dan Didio that one time.
But anyway, I don’t always catch racism/sexism unless it’s pointed out to me. So, when it kind of bugged me that a supporting character, District Attorney William Hao, is Chinese and happens to know kung fu, I wasn’t sure if it should or not. It’s a shame that more bloggers don’t read Essential PM/IF so I can get a proper outrage barometer and react accordingly.
But really, should I find that iffy at all? I was able to justify it enough to finish the story and like it (it would be kind of hard not to, really, since it opens with Fist and Cage beating up an entire New York cowboy bar), but should it bother me that a Chinese D.A. knows how to handle himself in a karate fight? Is that reverse racism? Would it not at all if I had read his earlier appearances? Also, should I make even a minor stink about this when I give comics from the Spirit to Silver Age Marvel and DC a pass on way more egregious things?
And wait, I just looked at that profile page I linked to again; he went by the name Chaka Khan at some point? Really? And I didn’t notice this at all in the comics, or in that profile at first? Was I skimming that much of one/both? Okay, that bothers me more than the whole racism angle. Time to move on.
Consensus with a Canuck I also liked Switchblade Honey. It’s one of the few things of Ellis’s that I’ve read that wasn’t published by DC or Marvel, actually.
The Anticlimatic Ending Those magazines I need to get rid of are stubbornly refusing to fling themselves in the trash. Better get on that, so that brings this installment of everyone’s second favorite collection of loosely connected thoughts on comics here at CBR to a close. You can ask for a refund if you don’t find that satisfying enough, and I’ll see what I can do about getting your time back.
*That was a preemptive pro wrestling reference.
** Am I going to get in trouble for using mouth breather, too? I’m kind of excited to find out, really.
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