Axel-In-Charge: Extending "Secret Wars," Excitement for a "Totally Awesome Hulk"
Each day in November, I will read and review/discuss/whatever one comic taken from a box of some of my childhood comics. Today, it’s Primortals #1.
The Nostalgia November archive can be found here.
Primortals #1 by Kate Worley and Scot Eaton is actually officially titled “Leonard Nemoy’s Primortals,” because someone thought it was a good idea to base a comic series in an idea by Nemoy. That person: so fucking wrong. So so so so wrong. Oh, that person was Isaac Asimov? Well, he was wrong. As this issue proves.
I hesitate to sum it up this way, but imagine if Transformers wasn’t about cool transforming robots and was, instead, about humanoid animals evolved from creatures taken from Earth prior to that meteor that killed the dinosaurs. Now, imagine that Optimus Prime was a pacifist that did everything to avoid violence? And that the humans, instead of being mechanics, were the people at SETI, searching for proof of extraterrestrial life. And imagine all of the cool parts of Transformers were also muted under horrible dialogue and scenes that lack any sense of drama, clearly acting as means to move characters from one point to another.
Far be it for me to jump on a character for choosing peace, but, I bought this comic in 1995 because Primaster looks badass on that cover. Instead, he’s a whiny leader afraid that someone will get a papercut, which results in the bad guys escaping and taking hostages — the head bad guy heading towards Earth. Optimus Prime wouldn’t have put up with that shit. You’ve all seen Transformers: The Movie, right? Optimus Prime is hardcore — he is a Decepticon-killing machine (no pun intended). This comic was such a disappointment as a kid. A cool-looking character that just stands around and does nothing. And also says nothing of any consequence. There’s no show or tell, it’s all… I don’t know what it is when neither of those two things exist.
I never bought another Tekno book again. I don’t regret that.
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