The Biggest Superhero Films That Didn't Happen, Part 2
Comic Books, Film
“I was in the Resistance,” he went on. “There were thirty Germans for every one of us, and they came here like beasts, not soldiers – shooting children, hanging women, cutting off people’s hands – but we never surrendered.” He put a cigarette between his lips and turned back to the sea. “There is nothing good about war, even if you survive.” (Nicholas Christopher, from The Bestiary)
Casanova: Gula #1 (of 4) (“In Media Res”/”When the Wolf Comes Home”) by Matt Fraction (writer), Fábio Moon (artist), Cris Peter (colorist), and Dustin K. Harbin (letterer). $3.99, 38 pgs, FC, Marvel/Icon.
The fascinating thing about the latest issue of Casanova, now into its second arc, is that as weird as it is, it’s fairly accessible to a new reader. Fraction provides a recap at the beginning of the issue and even within the issue, there are plenty of clues to help you figure out what’s going on. It’s impressive that for something that moves as fast as it does and is packed with content, it’s pretty easy to figure everything out, as long as you’re willing to dive headfirst into Casanova Quinn’s world. This is, of course, the wonderfully wacky second arc, “When is Casanova Quinn?”, which offers up a mystery and does it beautifully. Reading it now, with the knowledge of what’s going to happen, it’s keen to spot the clues, because they really do exist (I may have missed some, but I saw two obvious ones). It’s also neat to see how Fraction sets up the emotional powder kegs of the later issues, because I know it’s coming. And, of course, Moon is wonderful. The recoloring is interesting, too – Peter keeps a lot of the blue palette of the original, softening it a bit but still keeping it, which makes the new colors pop even more. It’s really cool to see.
If you skipped this when it was at Image, I strongly encourage you to get it now. There’s a reason I bought a year’s worth of Uncanny X-Men with a lot of Greg Land art – with Casanova, Fraction shows how good he can be, and I wanted so much for his X-work to come anywhere close to this. Maybe the new Casanova stuff will renew my faith in him!
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ½ (I can’t give it ten out of ten, even though it’s so wonderful. That would imply it’s perfect, and I don’t know if I’ve read the perfect comic yet.)
One totally Airwolf panel:
Earp: Saints for Sinners #1 (of 5) by (take a deep breath!) Matt Cirulnick (creator/writer), David Manpearl (creator), M. Zachary Sherman (writer), Mack Chater (artist), Martin Montiel (artist), Colin Lorimer (artist), Kyushik Shin (colorist), Joe Benitez (layouts), Rod Pereira (layouts), J. K. Woodward (layouts), and Rus Wooton (letterer). $5.99, 61 pgs, FC, Radical Comics.
As always, Radical sends me pretty much everything they publish, so I’d like to thank them for this and the other one further down the line. I really do appreciate it, even if I don’t like everything they put out.
Speaking of not liking everything they put out, this might be the biggest drop in quality of a comic from one review (Casanova) to the next (Earp) in the history of this column. This is a terrible comic book, one of the worst I’ve read in a long, long time … and I’ve read an issue of Tarot in the past few years, remember. The only reason I’m not giving it zero stars is because the high concept – Wyatt Earp and some other Olde West dudes updated in a chaotic near-future – has some potential. Other than that, there’s absolutely nothing good about this comic at all. The story is one cliché after another – it’s about thirty years in the future, and the world has gone even more to shit. Dueling is legal because it’s one of the few things that keeps people in line. Celebrity bank robbers are once again in vogue, so a task force is formed to deal with them, and Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday are the top cops on the force. Holliday quits and Earp joins up with his brothers, Virgil and Morgan. Jesse James is the biggest celebrity bank robber, playing Robin Hood by giving stolen money to the poor. Wyatt and his brothers get caught in a firefight on a train carrying billions, and Virgil is killed. Wyatt quits and goes into business with Doc Holliday, building a casino in Las Vegas, the only city in the States that’s doing well. Of course, the mayor is corrupt, and his security force – the Pinkertons – is running his protection racket. Morgan joins with Jesse James to steal from the rich to give to the poor and gets captured and beaten up. When he escapes, he ends up in Wyatt’s casino, and the issue ends with the mayor and the Pinkertons attacking the casino and blowing shit up.
Beyond the idea of putting these western archetypes in the near future, there’s nothing original about this comic whatsoever. The characters speak in clichés, the action is straight from the dumbest action movie you can find, and the big reveal at the end is painfully obvious (which it’s probably meant to be, but still). I recently saw Avatar for the first (and only) time,* and at one point late in the movie, Sam Worthington tells Evil Stereotype Soldier Guy that he hoped he was going to say something (right before they face off for the final time). I yelled, “Of course you did, because you’ve seen every action movie ever made, and that’s the kind of thing the bad guy always says!!!!!” It’s the same thing with this. As I kept turning pages, I kept expecting one line of dialogue to surprise me, but it didn’t – everyone says exactly what we expect them to say, right on cue. I’d love to give you an example, but whenever I open this book, I’m overwhelmed by the awfulness. Okay, here’s one: After Virgil is killed, Wyatt quits. Morgan doesn’t want him to leave, and here’s their exchange:
M: You can’t, Wyatt! People need us!
W: And I were your age, I’d be saying the same thing. I’ve given all I can. And truth is, nothing’s changed except Virgil’s kid has no father. Whatever years I have left – some of my life’s gotta be for me, Morgan.
M: And what about me?! You leave me in the wind?! Who do I go through doors with?
W: There’s room for you in the car.
M: And what about those bastards who killed Virgil? They just get a pass?!
D (entering the room): … Oh shit …
W: Say we find them and they go to trial. Say we kill ‘em. Then what?! The next day there’s ten more. Then one day one kills you. Then I go after him. Where does it end, Morgan?! What does it do to us?
M: It’s what we signed up for. So you’re quitting, like Doc did back in New York.
D: Watch it there, youngblood.
W: I’m not quitting. It’s trusting the example I set. If no one picks up where I was, it wasn’t worth it anyway. Virgil’s dead. I could run after him and join him, or I can live. I crossed every name off my list a hundred times. The people and the punks got enough of me. Come with us. Keep what’s left of the family together.
M: … I’ll ride down. Take my two weeks, but that’s it. Maybe by then you’ll have come to your senses.
See? That’s exactly the kind of dialogue on every single page of this book. It’s painful to read, and it depresses me to no end that somebody actually liked this writing.
Of course, I’m not letting the art off the hook, either. It’s also terrible, from the actual linework to the effects. The characters look vaguely like they’re supposed to be based on actors, but who the hell knows – they look like wax dummies most of the time, so even when they’re supposed to be conveying deep emotions their faces remain expressionless. There’s a few different artists on this book, too – I have no idea why they needed three people to do layouts or what that even means with regard to the finished art – I imagine a lot of this is done on computers, so maybe the artists were finishing drawn layouts on a PC? – but it doesn’t matter, because the art shifts styles seemingly at random. The first few pages of the book, when Morgan escapes from his captors, is actually the best part, artistically, of the book, and it goes downhill rapidly. There’s far too much bad photo-referencing, and the coloring is awful, too – a lot of brown and dull gold and black makes this a really unpleasant-looking comic, and the lines of the drawings are often blurred, making a lot of the art look smeared across the page. There are dumb effects, too – at one point a bad guy’s outfit is on fire, and someone photoshopped in a picture of actual flame, which looks completely out of place. And because I can, I don’t even like Rus Wooton’s letters, which are angled peculiarly so they’re harder to read. I looked at Wooton’s letters on this and Thor: The Mighty Avenger (see below) and he uses a different and more legible font on the latter book. Why he did it differently for this comic is beyond me – maybe he was trying to save us from the crappy writing by making it hard to read.
The sad thing is that Radical, which exists mainly to sell comics as movie pitches, has put out some pretty darned good comics, and with this book getting some movie interest, I wonder if the good comics that come from Radical are almost accidental. That would be a shame, because the good stuff they publish won’t get as much notice as something absolutely atrocious like this, for the simple reason that the good stuff isn’t attractive to Hollywood. I’m not a huge fan of the slick art style that Radical uses on a lot of there books, but at least with many of them, the writer is putting together a decent story (including Sherman, who’s written some other Radical books that, while I didn’t love them, at least had some decent writing) and even if I don’t like the art, it’s the work of one person who at least gives the book a consistent look. Earp is an example of way too many cooks poisoning the broth, and it is, without question, one of the worst comics I’ve read in a long, long time.
Rating: ★ ½ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ (It only gets that because the idea is decent, plus the fact that at least the writers tell the story out of chronological sequence, which is the only clever thing about it.)
One totally Airwolf panel:
* Avatar is a terrible, terrible movie. I can understand being impressed by the special effects, but after you watch it for thirty minutes or so, you’ve seen all the effects and then you have to deal with the absolute clusterfuck of writing and acting, both of which are awful. I honestly cannot understand how this is the highest-grossing film ever. I know 3-D ticket prices had something to do with it, but when it makes that much money, that means people are going to see it more than once, and I can’t imagine that. I actually like Titanic more than I liked Avatar, and I hated Titanic. If you liked it, why? I honestly don’t know why anyone would. And didn’t James Cameron make good movies once? What the hell happened to him?
Heroes for Hire #2 (“Damnunition”) by Dan Abnett (writer), Andy Lanning (writer), Brad Walker (penciler), Andrew Hennessy (inker), Jay David Ramos (colorist), and Joe Caramagna (letterer). $2.99, 22 pgs, FC, Marvel.
Issue #2 of this series is a bit better than issue #1, mainly because it doesn’t zip all over the place quite as much and sticks to fewer characters. Plus, Abnett and Lanning have gotten the big surprise out of the way (certain podcasters at this blog totally gave away the ending, but I still won’t), so they can focus on solid storytelling instead. I wasn’t aware that the first issue’s big problem was completely solved, but it was, and so in this issue Misty sends Silver Sable (have we always known her “real” last name, or did Abnett and Lanning totally make it up for this issue?) to track down an arms dealer who’s flooding the streets with a superweapon. It turns out the weapon is a gun that fires “demon bullets” that rip out the souls of the targets (hence the clever name of the issue, which Ghost Rider coins) and when it runs out of ammunition, it eats the soul of its owner. This becomes a problem when Silver picks one of them up. She and Ghost Rider have it under control, though – of course they do! The more interesting plot is that Paladin digs up the information on the gun (with Satana’s help) and decides to visit Misty … which is more ominous than you might think!!!!!
It’s keen that Abnett and Lanning are doing basically standalone issues with a nice through-plot, because that might help the book survive (it’s no guarantee, but it might). If you missed issue #1 but picked this one up, you get a done-in-one adventure but also the story from issue #1 summarized nicely and continued at the end of the issue. And you don’t need to know too much about Silver Sable or Ghost Rider, either – we get that Silver is a mercenary who wants to return to her native land but doesn’t have the money for it, and that Ghost Rider is spooky. That’s enough. Plus, Paladin is cool. You know it’s true!
Walker continues to do a nice job with the art, even though Satana’s costume is utterly ridiculous. He has some really nice details and Ghost Rider’s arrival on the scene is handled really well. And Misty’s lips are still awesome. I can’t imagine Walker will be able to do more than … let’s say four issues in a row, but at least his work is pretty darned keen.
I always give new books that I’m interested in a few issues to make an impression, and so far I’m digging Heroes for Hire. I don’t know how long the central mystery of the book will continue, but I’m going to give it a few more issues to see what’s going on. It’s a pretty neat comic.
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
Ryder on the Storm #2 (of 3) by David Hine (writer), Wayne Nichols (artist), Feigiap Chop (colorist), Sansan Saw (colorist), Richard Starkings (letterer), and Jimmy Betancourt (letterer). $4.99, 48 pgs, FC, Radical Comics.
See, now here’s a Radical book that I don’t love, but it’s like Maus had a baby with Watchmen compared to Earp: Saints for Sinners. We get a nice recap of the first issue (which came out a while ago), and then Hine continues to plow ahead, as he expands the story of the Daemons and their attempts to reclaim their place as rulers of this world. As this is a pulp comic, Ryder – our pulp hero who last issue learned he’s at least part Daemon – screws anything female he can find, but Hine does pull a few twists out of his bag, including the fairly shocking one that ends the issue. Hine has always been able to get under the skin of horror, so Ryder’s tryst with Katrina becomes something much darker than simple sex and the revelation that ends the issue isn’t telegraphed too much (well, others may have seen it coming, but I’m not too bright, so I didn’t). Hine just lets the story unfold, and while he’s firmly entrenched in the pulp clichés we all know and love, the reason this works a lot better than Earp is because Hine actually tries to play with those clichés a bit – he’s not entirely successful, but just the fact that he’s a better writer than those on the other book make this a more successful comic. I still don’t love it, mainly because Nichols’s art falls squarely into that Radical house style and I just don’t like that, but it’s entertaining enough. What would make the final issue a success is if Hine does something interesting with the bombshell he drops at the end of this issue instead of just making Ryder angry about it. We know he’s going to be angry; Hine needs to do something more. We shall see, I suppose.
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ½ ☆ ☆ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
You know, I blame Kelly Thompson. Before Kelly began writing here, I was a perfectly happy comic book reader, enjoying the ridiculous costumes that women wore and believing that, sure, chicks’ boobs wouldn’t come flying out of that costume if they moved and sure, doesn’t everyone like standing with their pelvis thrust out? Ms. Thompson began writing here a little over a year ago, and she’s effectively ruined comics for me. I mean, did I ask to have my consciousness raised? I did not. Do I seem like I enjoy reading comics anymore? I do not. The insidious Ms. Thompson, with her womanly wiles, has made me think about how women are treated in comics, and that’s just not cricket. Think? About comics? What the crappin’ hell, Kelly? Sheesh. I was at the Safeway the other day and saw a woman dressed exactly like Star Sapphire. See? It’s totally practical!!!!!
I only mention the Great and Terrible Evil of Ms. Thompson, Man-Destroyer, because of this cover. Now, I’m not a big fan of Humberto Ramos at the best of times, and I’m sure even Ms. Thompson would find nothing objectionable about the way Tara Takamoto is drawn. I know this was probably simply a commissioned piece by Mr. Ramos and that he wasn’t told anything about the actual contents of this comic, but I just want to point out that our hero, Ben, is much more prominently placed on this cover, even though, through the first two issues, Tara has been the total ass-kicker and Ben has been kind of a whiny bitch. I mean, man the fuck up, Ben! At the end of last issue, Tara and Ben had jumped off a building to escape some bad dudes. All the way down Ben is peeing his pants while Tara calmly saves them both. She saves his ass twice in the first few pages of this issue, and the one time he saves her, he has no idea how he did it. Again, I get that he’s going to be the hero and that Ramos didn’t have anything to do with aligning the cover with the interior, but Tara’s pretty kick-ass, and this cover implies that she’s just gazing at Ben longingly while he does all the work.
Maybe I’m overreacting. It’s still a very good issue, as Roberson continues to drop hints about why these things might be after Ben and who he really is (it ain’t hard to put together), while Randolph is really a perfect fit for the tone of the book – wildly energetic and able to draw wacky aliens. Roberson manages to get a lot of information into this issue while still making sure lots of things blow up, which is always difficult to do. The issue zips along at a nice pace, and Roberson seems to have a nice grand plan for the book, so I’ll be interested to see how fast he gets to it.
So I’m on board for a bit. So far, this is definitely the best “Stan Lee” comic that Boom! has. Based on the names involved in the others, it’s also probably the worst-selling. That would suck.
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
Do you like what Marvel has done on this cover? They put, down in the corner, an indication that this is a “limited series,” of which this is part 8 of 8. Yeah, sure, Marvel. Screw you – you can’t even admit you canceled an ongoing, now you have to claim it was planned all along? Go to fuck, you bastards.
Okay, I’m not that angry about it – books get canceled all the time, and apparently Marvel might let Langridge and Samnee finish the four issues of the big 12-issue arc Langridge (foolishly) had planned for the comic if the sales on the trades are brisk. So buy the trades, people! Plus, there’s a Free Comic Book Day comic showing up, too, which is nice. Perhaps later this year we’ll get four more issues. Who knows?
As usual, this is a wonderfully executed comic book, pretty much everything everyone claims to want from their comics but which never actually sells well when it shows up. (That’s the Internet for you – the percentage of comics fans who write on the Internet is apparently tiny, because even though everyone on the Internet loves this comic, most comics fans are perfectly happy with the Sentry tearing people in half.) After last issue, in which everyone thought Thor rampaged across the country when he was just trying to stop the real culprits and then got captured by a secret bad guy (who shows up, still secretive, in this issue – I assume it’s part of Langridge’s long-term plan that he probably won’t get to write), Jane calls the Avengers for help, and they tell Iron Man, who ends up finding Thor, briefly fighting him, then teaming up with him to save the day. Yay, Thor and Iron Man! It’s a light adventure, handled well by Langridge and Samnee (Iron Man’s armor is pretty awesome). For a book that began as more of a kids’ book (as Thor: The Mighty Avenger did, although it quickly moved away from that), the fact that Tony Stark delays helping the Avengers so he can bang two chicks at once is both funny and slightly inappropriate. This book is rated “A,” which in Marvel parlance means it’s for people 9 years old and up. I thought the joke was hilarious, but I’m not sure if I want to explain to a 9-year-old why heroic Mr. Stark decides to wait to save Thor just because two bikini-clad ladies give him the eye. Why this kind of dumb-assery from Marvel (or DC) surprises me I’m not sure, but every once in a while it’d be nice if their editors (in this case, Michael Horwitz, Sana Amanat, and Nathan Crosby) would say either “As funny as that is, maybe it’s not something we want to put in this book” or at least “Maybe we should put a ‘T+’ on this book.” But that’s just me.
So Thor: The Mighty Avenger goes the way of Xero and The Brotherhood. So sad! I encourage everyone to get the two trades (the second one is coming out soon, I think). I didn’t love this as much as some people (it didn’t make my top ten for the year, for instance, and yes, I will post those soon, as I’m sure you’re just waiting for them with baited breath!), but it was a very good comic book. Isn’t that all we really want?
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ½ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
The Unwritten #21 (“Leviathan Part Three”) by Mike Carey and Peter Gross (writer and artist), Vince Locke (finisher, pgs 1-2, 5-9, 12, 15-16, 19-22), Chris Chuckry (colorist), and Todd Klein (letterer). $2.99, 22 pgs, FC, DC/Vertigo.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this with regard to The Unwritten, but I like it a lot better when it deals with literature directly, and as this arc takes place inside the book Moby-Dick, I’m liking it. Yes, Tom’s father is still around in the form of Captain Ahab, but that seems secondary to Tom discovering how he can manipulate literature and the layers of reality that Carey is dealing with, which takes the book in some interesting directions. Of course, it all goes a bit pear-shaped for Tom when he starts trying to get out of the book, and in the “real” world, Lizzie and Richie are … well, the villain who is searching for Tom is damned creepy, is all I’m saying. While I remain on the fence about this title, this issue is one of the better ones, certainly the most interesting since they were inside the Nazi movie, so I’ll stick around. I know Carey is going to go back to the Boring Secret Society and Tom’s father soon, which doesn’t make me happy, but maybe this time around he’ll do something more interesting with them. We shall see!
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
If I might address the shooting in Tucson last week without everyone having an apoplectic fit, here are some of my thoughts:
1. I was extremely annoyed that everyone immediately started talking about political rhetoric. Yes, it’s often vile. Yes, Giffords’ opponent inviting people to shoot loaded M-16s as part of his campaign was idiotic (he didn’t tell them to point them at her, of course, but still). Political rhetoric has always been horrible, it’s just that in today’s world, it reaches far more people much faster. According to everything I’ve read, Jared Loughner ignored much of the real world, so blaming conservative talk radio or Sarah Palin’s map is stupid. The sheriff of Pima County, who started this almost immediately after the shooting, is an idiot. There are severely mentally ill people in this world who want to do violence to others. That’s the way it is. No more explanation is necessary.
2. Of course, the righteous indignation coming from the right cracks me right the hell up. If conservatives can claim that radical Islam is to blame for Nidal Hasan without a shred of proof, they should realize the tables can be turned. You can bet that if a Republican had been shot (Giffords is still a Democrat, even though she was very much a centrist – she’s a big gun advocate, for instance), conservative talk radio people would be connecting every dot they could to blame some liberal agenda or officials’ words. They do it already – whenever someone gets killed in Arizona by a Latino drug smuggler, immediately everyone goes into a lather about illegal immigration and mass deportations, yet no one ever talks about the Americans’ demand for such drugs or possible legalization. It’s just easier to deport any Hispanics they can find. The conservative indignation reminds me of Claude Rains being shocked about the gambling at Rick’s café.
3. I was pretty impressed with Obama’s speech in Tucson. I was horrified to hear that members of the Democratic Party urged him to denounce conservatives in his speech, and I was glad he wasn’t quite that stupid. I was bothered, however, by the response of the crowd. One of the reasons I don’t listen to presidential speeches in front of audiences is because of the constant clapping which makes them last twice as long as they should, and last night’s audience was terrible. It was like a pep rally, and while I understand the desire to recognize the people who helped others during the shooting or cheer the news that Giffords opened her eyes, the audience response still felt wildly inappropriate. You could tell Obama thought so, too, which was nice to see. I enjoyed watching Fox News after the speech – it was like someone was force-feeding them Brussels sprouts, because they couldn’t find anything bad to say about Obama’s speech. Charles Krauthammer, who looks like a fossil at the best of times, was particularly pleasant to watch.
4. Obama’s call for more civility in politics will fall on deaf ears, of course, as Chris Matthews pointed out on Fox, and there’s nothing really wrong with that. What depresses me is the fact that people can’t seem to counter ideas without resorting to name-calling. It’s a problem across society and even on places like comic book blogs (I know, shocking). I have tried very hard in my life to rise above that kind of shit, and it depresses me that so many people seem to enjoy it. Maybe Loughner was completely apolitical, but it wouldn’t surprise me if someone started shooting people based on what some politician or pundit said about someone they didn’t like. I hated that liberals compared George Bush to Hitler or a chimp, because it made them look like idiots. I think Bush is one of the worst presidents in American history, but that’s just an opinion. You might think Obama is one of the worst presidents in history – I don’t know how you can judge after two years, but whatever – and that’s fine too. But the fact that so many people are so enraged about Obama or Bush is silly. I always wrote that I’m not too bent out of shape about Bush because, thanks to the excellent American political system, I knew exactly when he would no longer be president. Same thing with Obama – if you don’t like him, wait a few more years and vote him out. If that doesn’t work, you know exactly when he’ll no longer be president. The fact that so many people can’t deal with that is annoying. If you think this kind of vitriol is confined to the lunatic fringe, I’ll point out that down the street from me, someone drives a truck with a bumper sticker that read “2012: Don’t re-nig”. Idiot racists are everywhere. I’m not sure why everyone is so angry.
5. Despite the fact that we can’t blame political rhetoric for what happened, we can blame some people for the circumstances that put Jared Loughner at that spot with that weapon. The Arizona legislature – which is dominated by so-called “fiscal conservatives” – has slashed funding for the mentally ill (God forbid we raise taxes or want to pay more taxes, of course – it’s not completely the legislature’s fault). If you have a serious mental illness, it’s very difficult to commit you and it’s difficult to keep you in the hospital because there’s no money. Loughner was barred from Pima Community College because he was so obviously disturbed. Beginning in February (almost a year ago), he came onto the campus police’s radar, and in October he was told not to return until he had a mental evaluation. Of course, nobody could force him to get that evaluation, and no one knows if he ever got it. Even if a judge had ordered it, there’s no money for it. Then, on 30 November, after he was told to get a mental health evaluation, he walked into a Tucson gun store and legally bought a 9mm Glock semi-automatic handgun and ammunition. Arizona not only doesn’t have the money for the mentally ill, they have ridiculously loose gun laws. It’s one of only three states that allows anyone 21 or older to carry a concealed weapon without any training or a background check. When the new legislature convened this week, two days after the shooting, one of the first bills introduced was one allowing faculty to carry concealed weapons on campus. Apparently the Safeway where Giffords was shot would have been a lot safer if everyone had been carrying concealed weapons. Yeah, I’m sure the death toll would have been a lot less. I understand that “guns don’t kill people, people kill people,” but perhaps if Loughner hadn’t been on streets or hadn’t been able to carry a gun, he would have just kept ranting on the Internet. We’ll never know, of course, but I’m certainly glad the Arizona legislature is taking the lead to make me safer!
Sorry for the ranting. The shooting was bad enough, but the aftermath makes me even angrier. I thought Obama made the best point of all when he talked about the people who helped out. Most people in this country are just living their lives trying to do the right thing. Politicians and pundits who demonize the opposition should just, you know, shut the fuck up. Leave us the fuck alone.
On a funner topic, here are The Ten Most Recent Songs Played On My iPod (Which Is Always On Shuffle):
1. “Bizarre Love Triangle” – New Order (1986) “Why can’t we be ourselves like we were yesterday”1
2. “Watershed”2 – Indigo Girls (1990) “Every five years or so I look back on my life and I have a good laugh”
3. “Square Go” – Fish (2007) “I don’t exist, I never have”
4. “Spoonman” – Soundgarden (1994) “All my friends are skeletons”
5. “Check the Rhime” – A Tribe Called Quest (1991) “Got the scrawny legs but I move just like Lou Brock: with speed; I’m agile plus I’m worth your while – one hundred percent intelligent black child”
6. “Powderworks” – Midnight Oil (1978) “I’ve been had by the balls all my life”
7. “Wonderland” – The Cult (1991) “Wipe the sweat from my furrowed brow”
8. “Clocks” – Coldplay (2002) “Am I part of the cure or am I part of the disease?”3
9. “Be My Girl – Sally” – The Police (1978) “She’s cuddly and she’s bouncy, she’s like a rubber ball; I bounce her in the kitchen and I bounce her in the hall”
10. “Way I’ve Been” – Australian Crawl (1980) “Well there’s no need to justify sitting back and wasting time”
1 I like New Order quite a bit, yet I can’t stand Joy Division. I think it’s because Ian Curtis had a godawful voice. I’m sorry, but it’s true.
2 Leno looks wacky in that clip (it’s from 1991). Did he ever look normal?
3 Peter King once called this the best song he’d ever heard. This is why Peter King should stick to writing about football. I mean, it’s a decent enough song, but really, Peter King?
I don’t know if this Totally Random Movie Quote will be harder than last week’s, but I doubt if it could be any easier!
“Haggis? What is haggis?”
“Sheep’s stomach stuffed with meat and barley.”
“And what do you do with it?”
“You eat it!”
Remember, DC fans: Top-secret project a-brewing! I’ll get to them soon enough!!!!
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