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CSBG Archive

I Love Ya But You’re Strange – Superman Has Always Wanted to Kiss a Woman With a Mustache

Every day this August I’ll be spotlighting strange but ultimately endearing comic stories, one a day (basically, we’re talking lots and lots of Silver Age comic books). Here is the archive of past installments of this feature.

Today we look at a weird “imaginary story” from Lois Lane #39 where Superman and Lois are married but Lois thinks Superman is hiding portraits of all of this old girlfriends because he is not over them. Hilarity ensues.

The artwork for this story was by the great Lois Lane artist, Kurt Schaffenberger. I don’t know who wrote it.

First off, how awesome is this alphabet game?

Anyhow, the kid opens up a vault and Lois is intrigued…

Naturally, Lois won’t let Superman explain (by the way, it is never really made clear if Lois even knows Superman is Clark Kent or not). And why would she when an explanation would finish the story prematurely?

Eventually, after hating him for awhile, Lois decides to get revenge on him by destroying his paintings…

I love the logic of “and Jimmy Olsen is in here, and obviously I couldn’t be bi-sexual! There – PROOF!”

Hmmm…that Jimmy Olsen painting seems more suspicious by the minute…


Wow, look at that Lois expression on page 3 panel 3. So sinister!

Larry? Larry!?

Wait, does he have his mother’s last name? Those initials…L.L.! They’re everywhere!

Did Kryptonian women have mustaches? Or…do they have walruses at the North Pole, where the Fortress of Solitude is? Um…

So weird!

Your comics code at work, I guess.

Gotta admit, Lois almost breaking her wrist spanking her son because she forgot he was invulnerable is pretty damn funny.

Oy, that’s hilarious.

Nothing like 60’s DC comics. The text at the top of panels usually explained just what the art below was depicting.
The Superman Family of comics had more lies than an episode of Lucy or Three’s Company. Albeit for a “good” reason. The most colorful comic covers on the stands. Gotta love Curt Swan. It took me few years to check out Marvel because to my adolescent tastes the covers were darker (Gene Colan) and more cluttered (Kirby).
No matter, since I dove in head first in around 74. Now I had to go back and get those previously rejected comics.
Truth to tell, I enjoy Marvel as a whole today more than DC. The Civil War and Dark Reign were obviously Marvel’s take on America’s reaction to 9/11. Families were split-FF. Ben went to France. Remember Freedom Fries. The TV coverage was from FIX News and the crawl at the bottom said something like “We put our thoughts in you”. Fandral was the victim of a “Dirty Trick” and basically a False-Flag Operation. Seige Imbedded had Ben Urich as an unembedded reporter. If my political bent is showing-too bad. Comic’s have always been about hard decisions and the search for truth. Good for Brevoort and Quesada.

I like the specificity of his desire — he always wanted to how it feels to kiss a woman with a mustache. He could find out what it feels like to kiss a person with a mustache, but instead he has an impossible desire.

But what I love is that Lois is SO gung-ho about spanking their son that she always forgets that he’s invulnerable. I wonder if she also forgets this when he goes out to play in traffic, etc.

thanks, montgomery, for the post 9/11 breakdown comment. i hadn’t been following mainstream comics for many years and missed much of that stuff. Ben leaving for France was extremely interesting to hear.


i remember this story. i was about 8 or 9 and just beginning to read comics and thought they were educational -how else would i ever have heard of Circe at that age? strange lad that i was, that’s what i thought…

A couple of people have noticed the spanking bit. It’s nice that Lois was hitting him so hard she *almost broke her wrist*! Uh, child services …?
How about Superman wanting to marry Luma Lynai, who looks exactly like his cousin Supergirl? Nothing weird about *that*…
I also love Lois willing to physically assault Superman, the “disgusting two-timer,” with the perfectly reasonable explanation: “You wouldn’t have saved those paintings if you weren’t still in love with your old sweethearts.” This comes from a woman who got rid of the pictures of her old boy toys EARLIER THE SAME DAY!!!
(But at least she did it the perfectly reasonable Silver Age way, while thinking about how a perfectly everyday piece of technology works. I know that every time I post something, I’m thinking, “I’ll type these words on this keyboard, the wonder technology that allow me to express my thoughts on the internet, a computer network that allows them to be read all over the world.” Note also how important it is that she doesn’t use a fireplace because then how would anyone know it’s THE FUTURE!!!!)
Well, at least there’s no way that kid grows up traumatized. They only dress him exactly like his father and make him watch as mom assaults dad, then grows a mustache so dad can kiss him. … Her. I meant her. (What? What’s odd about having a picture of Jimmy in the stack of pictures of my “old sweethearts”?)

Kurt Schaffenburger did the Lois Lane stories. And while we mock them now, imagine having a story now about a superhero and his girlfriend having actual human emotions like jealousy!

In fairness to the author, refusing to give someone a chance to explain is a staple of romantic/domestic comedy. Not a good staple, admittedly.

It’s always the little things about these comics that amaze me. Like for instance, how when the second Superman comes home, he instantly says ‘Nice anniversary dinner! Here, I’ll heat it up with my heat vision!’ as if he expects that Lois wouldn’t bother to even cook the meat before trying to serve it to him. Either that, or he’s intentionally ruining a perfectly good meal for no reason. On his anniversary.

One thing I’ve always hated about the “Superdickery” stereotype about poor Supes is that Lois Lane tends to be even nastier to Superman than he is to her.

^Possibly a valid point if her name was “SuperLoisLane” and she was trumpeted throughout the media (in-universe and without) as a paragon of morality and altruism.

Pack, I was thinking about Lois finding pictures of her old flames that same day, but I realised the difference – she just happened to find some old, forgotten pictures and destroyed them immediately. Supes kept his locked safely in a safe.

Well, he doesn’t say he ‘always’ wanted to kiss someone with a mustache – just that, since she’s got one, he wonders what it’s like.

Why did they leave Lori in that tiny tank? Couldn’t they have painted her into the sea?

What did they have for dinner? Durian? Was the durian grey?

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