EXCL. PREVIEW: Crystal Wrangles NuHumans in "All-New Inhumans" #1
Every day this August I’ll be spotlighting strange but ultimately endearing comic stories, one a day (basically, we’re talking lots and lots of Silver Age comic books). Here is the archive of past installments of this feature.
Today we look at a bizarre issue where Wonder Woman almost marries a monster – for serious! It was written by Robert Kanigher and drawn by Ross Andru and Mike Esposito.
The opening of the issue is great. First off, I love that this is an accurate summation of the status quo of the book at the time. Freakin’ Bird-Man and Merman. Boy, do I hate Bird-Man and Merman. On top of that, Wonder Girl and Wonder Tot are at the wedding with no explanation! And, of course, the absurdity of the whole page as a whole…
This leads to a three-page sequence that is just awesomely absurd…
She MISSED THE PLANE!!! How AWESOME is that?!?
Later in the issue, stupid Bird-Man distracts Wonder Woman and she crashes into the ocean. It’s all good, though, because WONDER WOMAN HAS GILLS, PEOPLE!!!
Then Merman gives her some crap, too, and Wonder Woman is in quite a mood when she comes across a fantastical flying island and in it, a monster. He is so hideous that he gets not one, not two but the whole trinity of Wonder Woman exclamations!!!
Now you know the best way to get to Diana’s heart, because she is now basically obsessed with the guy.
She comes after him again and they fight and he knocks the castle down…
Surprisingly, the best way to get Wonder Woman to marry you is for him to dare her to do it. She agrees.
At the wedding, though, the monster thinks she is doing it out of pity and runs away. And then, as often happens every day in the world, a Sphinx monster attacks (this has nothing to do with anything in the plot of the issue – it literally just shows up out of nowhere)
We learn that the guy becomes handsome when he acts nicely and becomes a monster when he acts like a jerk. Ultimately, he decides he prefers to be alone. As the issue ends with Wonder Woman in tears, she dreams of ways to come up with recipes that would win him over (as the key to a man’s heart is his stomach – angel in the kitchen and all that).
What did you find most disturbing of the panels I showed you?
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