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CSBG Archive

Flippin’ through Previews – April 2012

Yes, I’m a week late thanks to being out of town, but I hope you’re ready for a Very Special Guest to help me go through this months Previews #283!

Last month, I perused the catalog and lamented that it seemed a bit weak. I got a comment from Ben:

Puzzling to have a Previews column/blog/article by someone who seems to have genuine hatred for the Big Two books and reeks of the hipster indie comic ilk. I like my indie books too, but really CBR? Every comic shop on the planet has hang-around “fans” like this already, so I don’t need to see it here too. Previews time is about excitment, not poser pretentiousness.

You know, Ben was right. Previews time IS about excitement, and I just couldn’t muster up much with regard to last month’s DC and Marvel comics. So I pondered who I knew who WAS excited about DC and Marvel comics and could perhaps provide me with some perspective. It didn’t take long for me to come up with my old friend Ivan Hart Dominguez-Carson, who last autumn helped me after I turned my cold, black heart on DC’s new #1s. I knew I had to call him, quick! Sure enough, he arrived at my humble abode and we taped our conversation. I’ll tell you – he’s quite the tonic! I also let him come up with all the captions for the pictures, so be warned! Ivan is totally unfiltered in this conversation, so I do hope he doesn’t offend anyone.

**********

Motherfucking. EPIC.

Greg: Ivan! I’m so glad you could join me!

Ivan: DUUUUUUUUUDE! You’re totes lucky, dude. I was out my some of my bros scoping some babes when you called. You’re such a friend, though, so I decided to come over and help out.

Greg: Your mom said you were eating Frankenberries and watching the Karen Gillan parts of Doctor Who on slo-mo when I called–

Ivan: DUUUUUUUDE!!!!! DL that shit, bro! I got a rep to uphold! And even if I was, have you seen Karen Gillan? You should always watch her in slo-mo!!!!!

Come on, son

Greg: Yes, well, that’s neither here nor there. You ready to flip through Previews?

Ivan: You fucking know it, bro. MOTHERFUCKING COMICS!!!!!

Dark Horse:

Greg: On page 30, Brian Wood and Kristian Donaldson’s The Massive is offered. If you missed the hype about it, it’s a story of environmentalists after the world has ended. The “preview” stories in Dark Horse Presents have been intriguing, and this looks very cool.

Ivan: Listen, bro, that’s not how you sell it. It’s right here in the text: “Pirates, rebels, murderers, and thieves.” You know what nerds like? Pirates, rebels, murderers, and thieves – four things they will never be. They dig that shit!

Greg: So you’re excited about this comic?

Ivan: Oh, no way, dude. Brian Wood writes comics that make me think. I don’t read comics to think. That’s what FHM is for!

Greg: Moving on … Gilbert Hernandez shows up on page 32 with Fatima: The Blood Spinners, which is about a drug that eventually turns people into zombies. Well, they should probably stop taking it, then! What do you say, Ivan?

Ivan: She’s wearing a belly shirt. SOLD!

Belly shirts are the shit, bros

Ivan: Check it out, dude. Conan’s totes stabbing someone on page 52. You get these Conan trades, right?

Greg: Yep. They’re good.

Ivan: I’ll have to borrow this one. I fucking love it when Conan gets all stabby.

Greg: You already have three of my Conan trades, and you’ve never given them back.

Ivan: Well, shit, man, I’ll get ‘em to you, y’know? I got a lot on my plate right now.

Greg: Yes, trying to decide whether to go see Wrath of the Titans or stay home and do a Dukes of Hazzard: The Coy and Vance Season marathon is a tough decision …

Ivan: Fuck right it is!

Ivan: Man, check out that Empowered Deluxe Edition volume II hardcover on page 61. That chick in it is soooooo hott!!!!!

Not enough rippage!

Greg: I think she’s supposed to be a parody of most sexy women in comics. She’s not meant to be taken seriously.

Ivan: Bro, you think nerds care about that when their moms are out shopping and they’re along in the bathroom? No fucking way, dude!

Greg: Really, Ivan? You went there?

Ivan: I calls it likes I sees it, bro!

Greg: On page 63, there’s the third volume of The Manara Library hardcover series. You’ll like that.

Ivan: Is Manara that dude who draws naked chicks all the time?

Greg: Yes.

Ivan: DUUUUUUUDE!!!!

DC:

Ivan: All right, dude, this is why you called me, so I’ll take point, ‘k?

Greg: Be my guest.

Ivan: Dude, look at this Before Watchmen shit on pages 74, 75, 76, and 77. You’re going to buy the shit out of this, aren’t you?

Greg: Probably not.

Ivan: DUUUUUUUDE!!!!! What the fuck, bro? It’s the characters from the best comic book ever … in new stories!!!! MORE ALWAYS MEANS MOTHERFUCKING BETTER!!!! You know how you wish Darwyn Cooke would get his head out of his ass and stop doing crime fiction by some writer no one cares about? Well, he’s doing a motherfucking Before Watchmen book! You know how Amanda Conner makes every woman drop dead sexy? Dude, nothing’s sexier than repressed 1940s chicks! You know how Brian Azzarello writes comics with no sense of humor whatsoever? He’s doing a Comedian comic! It’s ironic gold! You know how J. Michael Straczynski wrote motherfucking Babylon 5, which all nerds love? How can you pass up a Nite Owl comic by that dude? THIS IS GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING EPIC!!!!!

Greg: O … kay.

Ivan: And then look at Justice League #10 on page 78! No one knows who the villain is yet, but it will be revealed in this very issue! You know it’s going to be awesome!

Ivan: Oh, and check out page 81! It’s World’s Finest #2! You know what’s hotter than girls down on their hand and knees with energy blasts pouring into their backsides? Oh, wait a minute. Dude, that’s not cool. What the fuck?

Greg: Are you already losing your enthusiasm for mainstream superheroes, Ivan?

Ivan: No fucking way, man. Sure, Power Girl is in a stupid position, but Huntress is totes going to make that dude pay! Yippee-kay-yay, motherfucker!

Dudes, even I think that's a bit weird

Ivan: Okay, look at page 87. Green Arrow fights Doctor Cognate! I don’t even know who Doctor Cognate is, but he sounds awesome!

Greg: Do you know what a cognate is?

Ivan: No, but who cares? It sounds cool, bro!

Ivan: And check out the next page, 88. Damn, that looks awesome.

Greg: The Savage Hawkman #10?

He's totes like 'I'm gonna kill you,' because he's all savage and shit!

Ivan: Shit, yeah. “The first scene in this issue just might be the best battle you see all year”! Damn, DC wouldn’t let that into Previews unless it was truly epic. Right, dude?

Greg: Sure, I guess so. But look at all his teeth!

Ivan: Liefeld knows what the people like, and the people like teeth! He’s just like Neil Gaiman, bro!

Greg: What?

Ivan: That Corinthian dude had a lot of teeth. I bet Liefeld totes designed him, too.

Greg: Really?

Ivan: Shit, check out Action Comics #10 on page 89. G-Mozz named a villain Nimrod the Hunter. Dude, nobody’s ever done that before!

Greg: If you say so.

Ivan: Fuck you, bro, it’s awesome. Naming villains after shit from the Bible NEVER GETS FUCKING OLD!

Ivan: Oh, damn, check out Supergirl #10 on page 91. “What happens when a KRYPTONIAN loses control of his or her powers? MASSIVE DESTRUCTION!” Damn, that’s gonna fucking rock!

Greg: Do we really need more massive destruction in superhero comics?

Ivan: HOW THE FUCK WILL YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARDCORE THEY ARE IF THERE AIN’T, BRO?!?!? Seriously, dude, it’s like you’re living on another planet sometimes.

Greg: So what do you think of this Batwoman artist controversy, as Trevor McCarthy is now drawing the book, as we see on page 97.

Ivan: Dude, fictional lesbians are hott. Rucka totes knew that, and so does Williams. Have you ever seen a real lesbian? I mean, live and let live, is what I say, but they don’t shave, bro. DC lesbians, though – yowza!

Greg: Was your last date in this decade?

Ivan: Uncool, bro. No PBR for you!

Ivan: So, you know all those secret lesbians who didn’t like the way Starfire was being portrayed in Red Hood and the Outlaws? Well, check out issue #10 on page 101: “RED HOOD learns that STARFIRE is one of the most respected and feared commanders in all of space! Who knew?” Ha, ha, fuck off, haters. Lobdell totes schooled you!

Yo, if she were that feared, she'd totes wear her bikini while piloting, because Starfire ain't care!

Greg: That seems a bit harsh, Ivan.

Ivan: Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s just that she was obviously so much more than a fuck-buddy – it’s called “subtext,” haters, look it up – in that first issue, and everyone missed it because her fuck-buddiness was so out there. It was obvious Lobdell was subverting our expectations and showing that a woman dressed solely in a tiny bikini could, in fact, take out a tank. I mean, just because you can take out a tank doesn’t mean you can’t prance around in very little clothing and have no idea which men you’ve fucked. She was just acting like a bro, bro! I’m sure if she had heard all the jokes about her sluttiness, she totes would have joined in. She’s like a bro you can have sex with, right?

Greg: Whatever you say, Ivan. Whatever you say.

Ivan: Dude, check out Green Lantern #10 on page 102: Next issue there’s a “shocking turn of events that can’t be missed!” You have to be STOKED for that!

Greg: I do?

Ivan: Shit, bro, why do you even read comics? FOR EVENTS THAT CAN’T BE MISSED!!!!! And then check out Swamp Thing #10 on page 109. ANTON ARCADE IS BACK, DUUUUUUUDE!!!!!

Greg: How many times has he been killed? And you know at least once he’s become a good guy. Maybe we could get someone a bit less used up?

Ivan: But it’s Arcade, man! He’s, like, the most awesomest Swampy villain EVER!!!!!

Greg: But –

Ivan: Chillax, Greg. Don’t harsh on DC – they’re just committed to giving us the best comics in the world!

Greg: What about Marvel?

Ivan: Dude, we’ll get to them. Don’t worry! I mean, look at I, Vampire #10: The Order of the Van Helsings! DC knows that if One Van Helsing = Cool, then Many Van Helsings = Even Cooler! That’s just basic math!

Greg: Well, I’m glad you’re excited. How about the Absolute Batman and Robin on page 127? All of Morrison’s Batman and Robin in one handy package for 100 bucks.

Ivan: That’s pretty sweet. The best arc was the one Philip Tan drew, you know. That Flamingo dude was awesome!

Greg: Let’s check out some Vertigo stuff. On page 136 there’s Right State, a graphic novel by Mat Johnson and Andrea Mutti. I’m not sure it’s for me – it’s about a plot to kill the president and an ex-Special Forces soldier who infiltrates the right-wing group doing the plotting – but I always like to see graphic novels from the Big Two, and you might like it.

Ivan: Are there superheroes?

Greg: I’m fairly confident that there are not.

Ivan: Well, I still might check it out. Special Forces guys are like the real world’s superheroes, right, dude?

Greg: You could say that.

Ivan: I totes just did, bro!

Greg: There’s the American Vampire: Lord of Vampires mini-series on page 138. It’s drawn by Dustin Nguyen, so you know it will look beautiful.

Ivan: I bet he draws some naked chicks. I’m down with that!

Greg: Speaking of Morrison, on page 140 we get The Invisibles Omnibus for $150. It collects every single issue of the series. What did you think of The Invisibles, Ivan?

Ivan: Do you not recall what I said about thinking when I read comics, dude?

IDW:

Ivan: Check it out! Mars Attacks #1 on page 150 by John Layman and John McCrea … and 56 different covers! Look at that set you can get on page 151 for 200 bones featuring all the covers. I think I’m having a nerdgasm!!!!

Greg: Dude, go in the bathroom for that shit.

Ivan: … All right, bro, I’m back. Where are we?

Greg: We’ve moved on to

Image:

Ivan: Dude, Spawn is celebrating its 20th anniversary on page 180. Holy shit, I feel old. I remember buying 20 copies of issue #1. I figure I’ll be a millionaire soon!

Greg: Don’t hold your breath.

Ivan: Check out the Creator Owned Heroes book on page 186. They show some preview art – look, Phil Noto draws two pages of a hot chick getting dressed. The man knows what the people like! Up top, bro!

Greg: Really?

Ivan: Don’t leave me hanging, bro!

Greg: Okay.

It's just like the Kinks song says, dudes!

Greg: Hey, look at page 192. There’s The Red Diary/The Re[a]d Diary flipbook. It’s a Teddy Kristiansen comic translated by him and Steven Seagle, plus you can flip it to read a different script by Seagle before he translated the book. That sounds bizarre AND awesome!

Whatevs, dude

Ivan: Sorry, what?

Greg: Are you watching that YouTube video of Kate Upton’s breasts?

Ivan: Have you seen Kate Upton’s boobs?

Greg: Fair enough. Can we get back on point, please?

Ivan: Look at that awesome non-spoiler cover of Skullkickers #15 on page 215 with the kitten on it. All comics should have covers with kittens on them!!!!

Greg: Really?

Ivan: Uh, I mean … hot chicks! Hot chicks with guns and swords and ripped clothing! I CANNOT COUNTENANCE KITTENS ON MY COMICS!!!!!

Where are the chicks with big guns?!?!?

Greg: Maybe we should check out

Marvel:

Ivan: Awwww yeah, AVX: VS #3 on page 1: Hot chicks with guns and swords! No ripped clothing, though. Still, I knew Marvel wouldn’t let me down!

Rip those clothes! It's a no-brainer!

Ivan: Man, in Avengers #27 on page 5 there’s a traitor to the team! Now that’s drama! I wonder who it is?

Greg: Perhaps you should look at the cover?

Ivan: Dude, no way is Bendis that obvious. He’s totes clever like that – faking you right out of your Underoos!

Motherfucking PSYCH!

Ivan: Oh, man, in Avengers Academy #32 the X-Men try to melt that Sentinel dude. I bet Sentinel dude’s pal will be all like, “He’s a motherfucking robot, you can reprogram him!” and the X-Men will be all like, “No way, bro, Sentinels are born evil!” and the Sentinel dude’s pal will be all like, “I can’t argue with your logic, but I’m still gonna fight you, dudes!” and it’ll be totes EPIC!!!!!

Greg: Yes, I’m sure it will be.

Ivan: So there’s a new book called Dark Avengers but it’s starting at issue #175 on page 15? Dude, I love the Avengers. I’m totes gonna start buying that! Marvel knows what we want, dude!

Greg: Or you could have been buying it all along as Thunderbolts.

Ivan: Listen, bro, no one wants to read a book about weather. But now, they’re like Avengers, but all dark! How awesome is that?

Greg: I bow to your logic, Ivan.

Ivan: Damn straight!

Greg: What do you think of this whole “classified” Spider-Men solicit on page 19?

Ivan: Dude, anything that is “classified” is automatically awesome. Marvel should classify their entire solicitations! They’d totes make a mint!

Greg: It doesn’t annoy you?

Ivan: Listen, bro, if Marvel says “history will be made for the Marvel Universe,” YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE!!!! Why would they lie?

Greg: To get you to buy the book?

Ivan: No way, dude. BECAUSE IT’S TOTES HISTORICAL!!!!!

Greg: What do you think of the new Spider-Man movie?

Ivan: What the fuck, dude? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?

Not to put too fine a point on it, but what. the. fuck.

Greg: I thought you’d be all over that!

Ivan: Man, they made Emma Stone a blonde. There are plenty of hot blondes in the world, dude! Emma Stone used to be all, you know, scorching, but now she’s all blonde.

Greg: She’s not hot anymore?

Ivan: Well, I mean, she’s still pretty hot, but now she’s like an eight when before she was like a nine. I mean, that’s a serious drop. I might have to rethink her position on my “list.”

Greg: Wasn’t your last date five years ago when your mom forced you to take your cousin to her son’s Dungeons and Dragons tournament?

Ivan: Dude, DL! DEEEEE-ELLLLLLLL!

Greg: Sorry, Ivan. Okay, let’s move on. What about that charming cover of Amazing Spider-Man #688 on page 23? If there’s something I want from my superhero comics, it’s the Lizard chomping on Spidey’s neck. That’s quality stuff!

Oh, yeah, motherfuckers! It's on like motherfucking Donkey Kong!

Ivan: You know it, bro. It’s totes edgy! Just what Spider-Man needs, dude!

Greg: Okay, Ivan. Parse this sentence for me from the solicit to Journey Into Mystery #639 on page 34: “The MANCHESTER GODS dread URBAN PANTHESISM arises in the north of Otherworld, the British Subconscious!”

Ivan: Dude, that’s too many words. And there are totes no tits on that cover. And I just got a hankering for some Devil Dogs, dude!

Greg: But I have no idea what that solicitation sentence means. Gillen’s story gets good reviews, and I’m sure the actual issue isn’t all that confusing, but I have no idea what that sentence means. Maybe one of our readers can help.

Ivan: Whatevs. I WANT DEVIL DOGS!!!!!

Ivan: Check out that cover of Defenders #7 on page 42. The Dodsons know what we like – tits! Why put Iron Fist in front when you can put the Black Cat and her skin-tight leather?

Greg: What about the utter lack of background?

Ivan: TITS! or GTFO, dude!

Dudes, my only complaint is that she's not unzipped enough!

Greg: What about the new Man-Thing story on page 43 by Steve Gerber and Kevin Nowlan? That’s going to be cool, right?

Ivan: Probably. Horror in the swamp, bro!

Ivan: Hey, Greg, check it out – a Hit-Girl mini-series on page 65! You know what’s awesomer than superheroes kicking ass? Pre-teen girls kicking ass!

Greg: Really?

Ivan: Shit, yeah. I hope her body count hits triple digits!!!!

Ivan: Check out page 68: the Marvel Zomnibus hardcover. Dude, they turned “Omnibus” into “Zomnibus”! That’s so awesome!

Greg: Moving on … on page 71 we get a Marvel Masterworks of Iron Fist, when Claremont and Byrne were working on the book. Everyone keeps saying these are good issues, but I don’t know if they’re worth 60 bucks. I hope Marvel brings out a softcover!

Ivan: Dude, look at the Schism trade on page 97. You know what’s better than X-Men fighting Avengers? X-MEN FIGHTING X-MEN, bro!

Greg: Well, we’ve reached the end of the front of the book. Are you going to stick around to check out the smaller publishers?

Ivan: Sure, bro. I don’t know what I’ll have to say, because when it comes to comics, you know what real fans like?

Greg: What’s that?

Ivan: Tits and punching, dude. Or maybe punching and tits. Do your fancy comics in the back of the book have those?

Greg: Some of them do.

Ivan: Lead on, dude!

Greg: Well, on page 237 Archaia has Iron: Or, the War After, which has anthorpomorphized animals struggling to survive after a horrific war. It sounds pretty keen.

Sorry, bros, Burgas totes made me put this in

Ivan: You totes lost me with “anthropomorphized.” Five syllables? Really, dude? How about the “Girls of Steampunk” from Antarctic Press on page 232? Busty girls with odd guns? What’s not to love?!?!?

HOTTTTT!!!!

Greg: Can we move on, please?

Ivan: Sure, bro. Hey, check out Betty and Veronica in bikinis on page 242! Archie Comics is getting edgy, man!

Two great tastes that go great together, amirite, bros?

Greg: I’m uncomfortable looking at that cover.

Ivan: Dude, embrace your skeeviness! It’s okay! Archie should totes suggest what we’re all thinking he should have suggested years ago. It’s the new millennium, dude! People shouldn’t be bound by hidebound gender and sexual roles!

Greg: Did you just say that last sentence?

Ivan: I’m a totes modern dude, dude. You know it’s true!

Greg: Boom! has a trade of Valen the Outcast on page 266. I’ve heard a few good reviews for this. Are you interested?

Ivan: “King Valen Brand … killed in battle … resurrected as one of the walking dead.” Zombie Conan? Dude, I’m totes not a zombie fan, but I can dig a high concept like that.

Greg: Why aren’t you a zombie fan?

Ivan: Dude, the female zombies are icky. Female vampires? HOTTTTT!!!!!

Ivan: I know you’re getting the trade of Tarot on page 270, right, bro?

Greg: Probably not.

Ivan: Oh, yeah, I forgot – it has tits and punching, and liberated chicks dig it, so you’re totes not into it. Dude, are you sure you don’t “putt from the rough”?

Greg: I like you, Ivan, but do you need to resort to being offensive? I don’t like Tarot because it’s bad, not because it offends me.

Ivan: I’m just funnin’ with you, dude. You can putt from wherever you like! I just like the gravity-defying fun bags in Tarot. You never know when they might pop like balloons!

Greg: First Second has an interesting-looking comic on page 293. Marathon is written by Boaz Yakin and drawn by Joe Infurnari, both talented individuals. It’s about the first marathon back in the 5th century BC.

Dudes, my head is totes starting to hurt

Ivan: That dude on the cover is almost totes naked. That’s awesome.

Greg: Weren’t you just throwing around slurs about that?

Ivan: Come on, dude. Be secure in your sexuality!

Greg: I read Casanova and Butcher Baker. There are more dicks in there than a John Holmes Lookalike Contest!

Ivan: See? I knew you could be secure in your sexuality! Just because I like tits doesn’t mean everyone does, dude.

Greg: You’re so enlightened.

Ivan: Oh, totes, dude.

Greg: Los Tejanos and Lost Cause on page 295 from Fantagraphics sounds kind of neat. Stories of Texas history, in comic book form!

Ivan: Whatevs, dude. I’m watching EuroTrip on Netflix. I bet it has more tits than that comic!

Greg: Yeah, that’s an underrated classic, I must agree.

Ivan: The dude from Justified is in it, too. Awesome.

Greg: Look, we’ll watch EuroTrip later, okay? Let’s get back to Previews.

Ivan: “Scotty doesn’t know …”

Greg: Stop singing, or I won’t want to finish this! Okay, on page 300 there’s Balkan Comics: Women on the Fringe from Mark Batty Publisher. This is a bunch of stuff from female cartoonists of the Balkans. I think it sounds very cool, but I’m going to assume you don’t care about this at all?

I guess it's got a scantily-clad chick on the cover, so I'll let it slide, bros

Ivan: You totes wound me. Eastern European women are HOTTTTT!!!!

Greg: It’s not pictures of Eastern European women, Ivan.

Ivan: Oh. Carry on, then!

Greg: There’s a new Atomic Robo mini-series on page 312 from Red 5. You’re into Atomic Robo, right, Ivan?

Ivan: Dude, it’s called “Flying She-Devils of the Pacific.” How can you not be into that?

Greg: Some people don’t like awesome comics.

Ivan: I have no time for those people.

Greg: On the same page, Alan Grant has a new graphic novel from Renegade Arts Entertainment called The Loxleys and the War of 1812. It’s about a Canadian family that resists the American invasion during the war. Sounds keen.

Ivan: Sounds anti-American. What the fuck, bro? U! S! A! U! S! A!

Greg: Top Shelf has the latest League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comic on page 318. It sounds like things are getting really weird.

Ivan: Is that the comic with Voldemort feeling up that chick?

Greg: In the last volume, yes.

Ivan: Yuck. Why is Alan Moore raping my childhood?!?!?!

Greg: Ivan, you were thirty when you saw the first movie, and you haven’t read the books.

Ivan: ALAN MOORE IS RAPING MY ADULTHOOD!!!!!!

Ivan: Dude, look at those awesome three pages – 338 to 340 – of Zenescope comics. Every single one of them feature strong female leads who like to show their tits. I bet your feminazi friend Kelly thinks all of these comics suck.

Greg: Well, she is entitled to her opinion, you know.

Ivan: I don’t know, dude. The world started going downhill when we started listening to girls’ opinions. They bring me down, man!

Greg: Well, you’ll have to take that up with her.

Ivan: So, are we done?

Greg: Unless you have something else you’d like to spotlight.

Ivan: Naw, I think I did enough. I’m going to go back to watching EuroTrip.

Greg: Wait a second, and I’ll join you.

**********

I hope nobody minded that Ivan helped me out this month. He tries to be more sensitive, but sometimes, he gets carried away. But he’s enthusiastic about his comics, isn’t he? Have fun checking out Previews this month, because as we tried to show this month, there’s quite a bit out there that you might enjoy. And remember: “Fiona says she’s out shopping, but she’s under me and I’m not stopping …”

49 Comments

I actually liked your regular columns, as they highlighted slightly-off-the-beaten-path items that I may have missed otherwise. Marvel & DC have enough press without your help, but smaller guys could use all they can get!

aaaaand now I’ve got cynicism all over me.

Tom Fitzpatrick

April 7, 2012 at 9:43 am

As for that Karen Gillan pic, thank you veeerrrry much. You guys are THE DUDES!!!!!

Wouldn’t be surprised, if Ms. Thompson was fuming so hard, that you could see steam coming out of her ears.

But, um, what were you guys talking about, really?

Please tell us how you really feel, and don’t be so subtle.

Please, no more Ivan. Totes ruined FTP for me.

Brilliantly entertaining and ultra-cynical. I have to admit, though, that a villain being named “Dr. Cognate” sounds awesome.

And it would be awesome if Nocenti pulled a Xorn and revealed the first appearance of the villain to be a “False Cognate.”

Well, that was hard to get through… I don’t know how this column regularly reads, but you’ve clearly responded to some constructive criticism by taking it so far in the other direction as to be immensely uncomfortable. We get it: mainstream comics have breasts and over-hyped events. Why ruin everyone’s enjoyment of comics instead of actually, I dont know… discussing them? Your “friend” isn’t poking fun at the comics-reading stereotype like you think, but is actually reinforcing it. Do people act like that? I don’t know any who do, but way to jab us readers of Marvel and DC books to prove how cool you are. Why write this column if you can’t actually be excited about upcoming comics? Why be purposefully snide and exclusive? It seems like it must have taken you awhile to come up with all that terrible dialogue, given the article’s length, so why not just actually bring in a genuine counterpoint to your sarcasm-fest? Oh, and you’ve REALLY proven how hip you are.

Listen, bro, no one wants to read a book about weather.

Ha ha ha!

I like it when you release your id in the form of Ivan, Greg. It’s good stuff.

I agree with Blair. Please, no more Ivan.

I think this might top the list in “childish responses to criticism”. If you don’t enjoy looking through the previews anymore and your best response is a giant strawman hypothetical dripped with sarcasm, then just quit. Don’t think you’re doing us a fucking favor by putting out this tripe dressed as satire.

Burgas columns are usually pretty juvenile, but this is a new low as far as I’m aware. I’ll sometimes skim Flippin’ Through Previews to see what cool comics are on the way, but the annoying commentary could stand to be turned down several notches.

You tried way too hard on this one.

Ivan’s Da’ MAN!!!! I Kaintz gets ennuff of Dat’ Free intornetz Porn, I kneed to spend $4.00 to see my Fave comic Beaut’s Buxom assets gettin all down Wit’ It over 20 pages! Da’ New 52 is all orgysexxyviolaction fun, and finally Dem’ Mutiepunks are gonna GET A SMACKDOWN by Da’ MAN! Those Avengers are gonna give them a what for! That’ll Show ‘em… Boob’s are gonna Fly!

Thank God for ‘Comics Should Be Good’ I’m saving LOTS of GREEN, and enjoying my comic reading experiance without buying into a bunch of hype.

I agree with those guys who said stuff. Nobody wants to see a comics critic be critical about comics.

That Hawkman cover is hilarious. I’d ask if that helm means that he got amalgamated with Dr. Fate somehow, but that’s probably giving Liefeld way too much credit.

Things mentioned in this column that I’ll probably pick up (when the trades come out): Defenders, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Atomic Robo…maybe Swamp Thing, Batwoman and that Beto thing, and… hm, that’s probably it. I like Morrison fine, but I’ve found Action pretty disappointing.

funny, but annoying at the same time.
Man, woman, other, does not live on bread alone.

A person can like super hero punchy-punch and still enjoy offbeat and cerebral indie work.
I would offer that perhaps Ivan has an older brother or sister, who has a more eclectic/nuanced view of comic books.

Jake Earlewine

April 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Please get rid of Ivan. It made this column unbearable. Dude.

Did Hawkman’s head get squished in a vise or something? There’s no way his eyes should be that low in his head.

Having just experienced the Emerald City Comic-Con and attended the panel “Convention Horror Stories,” i assure you that when Greg writes about Ivan, he is toning it way DOWN.

“Ivan” grates on my nerves a bit too, but it was totes worth it for the reaction.

The Flippin’ through Previews columns are on my list of todo’s because I don’t buy Previews. I like your (Burgas’) inclination towards good ‘overlookable’ content, and attempts at a dialog with us.

Greg: could you ask Ivan if Batman is ghey again? I mean, wasn’t Batman suspected of being ghey in the 50′s? With this New 52, DC may have brought back the ghey. I can’t buy ghey comics, so I haven’t be buying Batman comics since September. Let me know ASAP! Thanks, son.

I think this might top the list in “childish responses to criticism”. If you don’t enjoy looking through the previews anymore and your best response is a giant strawman hypothetical dripped with sarcasm, then just quit.

I think Greg does enjoy looking through previews (if he didn’t, would he really write the column? He would probably, I dunno, spend time with his kids. But see, he does this for you instead), but not necessarily the Marvel & DC stuff all the time. And really, if you guys want to read a lot of hype and excitement about Marvel & DC, you have like the entirety of the CBR frontpage.

I think looking at Previews through a lens that shows both the good *and* the what-the-shit-is-this bad is a good thing.

Loved the column, Ivan is terrifyingly verisimilar, and the reactions afterwards were cherries on top of the sundae.

Not liking most of what Marvel and DC publish is not the same thing as not liking comics, despite what some seem to believe. The amount of crap published by the big two is pretty much equal to the amount of crap published by indies, but for some readers it’s apparently heretic to question the relative quality of the monthly pamphlets that feature their favorite corporate trademarks. Is it really that hard to admit that in terms of quality, books like Waid’s Daredevil and Morrison’s Batman are the exception and not the rule among Big Two products?

That got annoying fast. Please tell me Ivan is a 15 year old kid…. otherwise its just sad.

William Burns

April 8, 2012 at 4:58 am

Mighty God King does this shtick about a thousand times better. Ivan aint no Flapjacks.

How dare you enjoy a wide variety of genre comics plus quite a few Marvel and DC titles, too, you fucking hipster Greg.

@sgt pepper:
But doesn’t enjoy enough Marvel or DC titles and he enjoys too many comics that aren’t! He’s a bad, bad man.

Travis Pelkie

April 9, 2012 at 1:04 am

I intended to comment on this last night, but computer problems….

Anyway, I’m totally reading Ivan’s comments in the voice of the frat aliens from ATHF (in other words, as Patton Oswalt). Dude, my dad OWNS a dealership!

Oh, man, I loved that Liefeld/Corinthian comment. I think Rob’s favorite album is by NIN: “With Teeth”

The description I saw of Creator Owned Heroes on Diamonds’ site sounded interesting, and then the 2 pages of hot chick getting dressed was SOOO incongruous. As someone once said about the first wave of creator owned comics (in the ’70s and stuff), it turned out that a lot of what creators wanted to do away from the constraints of WFH was draw nekkid chicks and ultra violence.

I’m down with Ivan on the Emma Stone as a blonde thing. Does not work for me.

Man, I’ve got a Marvel Age Annual from ’90 that tells about that Gerber/Nowlan Man-Thing GN. Still sounds good though.

Ooh, that Iron thing sounds neat.

It’s so totally totally wrong that I like some of the things Ivan likes, for the same reasons, right? And that I agree with Tom, right, that’s totally wrong??!

But seriously, this is great because it points out that Marvel and DC sell this shit to us as if we’re just id driven pleasure monkeys fapping to blood and tits, and the fact that this shit sells as well as it does (apparently, or why do they keep selling it that way?) shows that they’re unfortunately not wrong. I have no problem with getting excited about good comics (lately, to me, mostly the Image stuff and the back of the book stuff), but don’t get on the case of the rest of us that occasionally like a decent coherent story or art that’s different than early ’90s Image clones.

Tom Fitzpatrick

April 9, 2012 at 5:07 am

@ T.P.: Excuse me while I dust myself off, after falling to the floor.
I thought the sky fell and the earth opened up and swallowed me.

Never did I ever think for one moment that I’d hear/read about the legendary T.P. agreeing with me!!
Did world come to an end today and nobody TOLD me?!?

Will wonders ever cease?

T.P., are you ill?

ThatTalkingGuy

April 9, 2012 at 8:47 am

Usually a big fan of your work, but this was a big miss. I’m as pro-independent comics as you can get, but the people who refuse to try anything new aren’t typically frat-boyish bros. They’re people obsessed with the same characters they read as kids that need to be encouraged to step out of their comfort zones. Keep on fighting the good fight, but this didn’t help. As it has been said, there is nothing worse than a bad argument for a position I hold dear. And this was a bad argument.

Oh, I get it – Ivan is a straw-man constructed from all the assumed stereotypical problems of comic-book fandom. Funny the way you tried to pass him off as real. Also, bravo for having the balls to be creatively bankrupt enough with your “satire” that you decided to go with a caricature that would have been dated in 2002 – guns, babes and Liefeld? Haven’t heard of people like that since Awesome comics was still around.
Also, no one has jacked it to comics in the bathroom since internet porn was invented, and no one buying a comic with a HOT CHIK on it buys it for that anymore, hell not even in the past ten years.

Seriously, no one could be this bad, ever. Also, fuck you for implying that anyone who could like this stuff is automatically this Ivan caricature you’re trying to pass off. Would people stop trying to diagnose what’s wrong with the industry like they know what’s best for me as a fan? I’ll decide that by spending my hard-earned money on what I think I’ll enjoy, not what I think “deserves” it. That’s kind of the point of entertainment, right? You buy what you think will entertain you, not what you think is the most groundbreaking expression of the medium at the time (although those can, quite often, go hand in hand).

Wow, Greg really hit a nerve with some of you a-holes looking forward to reading Before Watchmen and AVX:Another Vapid X-men story.

But I agree with anonymous – its your money – if you want to waste it reading the same shit over and over again, go right ahead. Keep up the good work, Mr. Burgas!

Greg, how dare you entertain me for free in a way in which I don’t approve!!!! *shakes fist angrily at the sky*

It’s SO UNJUST!!!

Massive eye-roll to the bulk of the comments on this post. C’mon people.

Normally I enjoy Flipping Through Previews, but these ‘making fun of stereotypes’ articles are a chore. Especially when it feels like a one-note kiss off to a commentor who was only expressing his (albeit dickish) opinion. Granted, this isn’t a ‘professional’ publication, but I think the graceful thing to do would have been to shrug off such blatant troll-bait and keep doing what you want to do. Instead, we get an article that goes the extra mile to paint anyone who happens to like the occasional ‘big 2′ comic with as snarky a brush as possible. Just seems petty.

@Kelly Boo hoo, people are expressing their opinion in the proper place! How dare they call out a mean-spirited article!

Ivan gets on my nerves, but the sulky responses he inspires makes up for the annoyingness.

Oh, I get it – the Anonymous poster a few comments above is a straw-man constructed from all the assumed stereotypical problems of comic-book fandom. Funny the way the commenter tried to pass him off as real. Seriously, no one could be that bad, ever.

ThatGuyWhoSaysStuff

April 10, 2012 at 6:18 am

“Greg, how dare you entertain me for free in a way in which I don’t approve!!!! *shakes fist angrily at the sky*

It’s SO UNJUST!!!

Massive eye-roll to the bulk of the comments on this post. C’mon people.”

It’s an opinion article. Do you consider your articles entertainment that nobody can comment on even if they disagree?

Yeah, its an opinion article. And she is expressing her opinion that all you dweebs who defend Marvel and DC putting out the same tired storylines are bone-heads. C’mon people!

You guys are a hoot. I swear Flippin’ Through Previews is every bit as entertaining as many of the comics you look at. I enjoy hot women on covers, too, but after four women covers last year, we’re changing it up with something eye-popping.

http://www.indiecomicsmagazine.com/images/IndieComicsMagazine5Cover.jpg

In April’s Previews under Aazurn Publishing. What’dya think? Bring back the women?

Very entertaining read Greg, thanks! Flippin’Through Previews is always an entertaining read and this one was no exception! Too bad about a lot of the cry baby comments here though. Some Marvel/DC fanboys really need to get a life.

ThatTalkingGuy

April 10, 2012 at 1:55 pm

“Yeah, its an opinion article. And she is expressing her opinion that all you dweebs who defend Marvel and DC putting out the same tired storylines are bone-heads. C’mon people!”

You’re talking to the wrong guy. I buy less Marvel and DC (except Vertigo) than other companies. I just didn’t like the argument. The people defending Marvel and DC are like people who only eat fast food…not brotastic frat boys who say ‘totes’ long past the point it becomes funny. There could have been a really good piece done on people who don’t venture past their ‘comfort food’, but this wasn’t it.

Same tired story lines? Has anyone here actually read the issues of AvX that are out right now? They’ve been getting good reviews, even the Loeb lead-in series. Also, do you people realize that for every Redhood series in the New 52 we get a Batman by Scott Snyder or Animal Man? You guys are the cynics, this mentality where people have to draw battle lines, it’s us indy people against the corporate system. That’s such a naive outlook – that your work has no artistic merit if it comes from the Big 2 – I feel like it’s 1992 and I’m talking to some high school drop-out with a fade cut about alternative music. If people would have taken the time to digest what I said earlier, you’d realize I was saying that you can have both – you can have corporate books that are also insanely good and creative. Like Batman. Or X-Force. Or Wolverine and the X-Men. Starting to see a pattern here? I’m not against indy books, I’m against being turned into a caricature because I don’t feel like spending my money on something that doesn’t interest me.

@ Buttler – what did I say that was so wrong? I’m right – Ivan is a straw-man. Read the “article” again, he’s a straw-man. And anyone who tries to pass them self off as a journalist should have their credentials called into question when they have to resort to one to get support for their side. So you regurgitated something I said, it might have actually been clever if the point you were making was valid.

The only thing that is going to happen in AVX is someone will die, someone will change sides, someone will come back to life, blah, blah, blah. The plots continue on and on, lead into the next mega-event with tons of tie-ins with no conclusion that will lead to another “universe-altering” event. It just goes on and on and I am tired of it. If Marvel is marketing this to me, no thanks. If you like it, fine.

And what is so great about Scott Snyder’s Batman? I like American Vampire but a secret society that has operated in Gotham since the beginning of its history and Batman, the great dectective, doesn’t know about it? C’mon.

I think the constraints put on the corporate cash cows limit what otherwise talented writers could do with some of these characters. The only time someone does something radical is in an elseworlds or ultimate setting.

YOU TWITS!!! I hope you are all 14 years old, otherwise you are awfully dumb. In the first paragraph, Greg describes an overblown reaction to an opinion he had of last months previews. He was making a point an you are Proving it. Some comic fans are over-sensitive little whinebabies who greatly over-react to any form of criticism that may shatter the fragile egg shell of a world formed by that which they hold dearist. Chill the F out! I’m sure Greg is sitting back and giggling his arse off while reading your comments… the artical wasn’t ment to be serious!!! I wouldn’t post this, but I forgot to check off a box and now you ssense-of-humor lacking dorks are blowing up my E-Mail…..

@ jp
AVX is literally an issue in. Forgive me if I don’t take the word of someone who isn’t even reading a story that is less than 10% done as to whether or not it’s good or worth reading. And Batman is brilliant; Bruce has only been active for 5 years, and just because he’s the world’s greatest detective doesn’t mean he’s occasionally caught off guard. The reason it took him 5 years to catch on was because they’ve been operating for CENTURIES. And in 5 years Batman has figured out their shtick and is the first person to pose a serious threat to their criminal empire. If you ask me, not only does Bruce come out looking like a complete bad-ass, but we also get some of the coolest new villains to be introduced to any ongoing series. You can’t deny though that it’s not the “same shit over and over again” as some previous poster tried to pass off. Once again, if you don’t read the books, you really have no right to comment. An informed opinion is the only kind that’s valid.

My point Wally, is that this is elitism. Just because he’s on the side of the Indy books (and I believe supporting them is worthy cause, it just doesn’t interest me since most indy books don’t involve superheroes and forgive me for knowing what I like), it doesn’t change the fact that this was written as an insult to Big 2 fans because Greg got a chip on his shoulder over something someone left in the comments section a few weeks back. That chip made for a sloppy article (ie resorting to using a straw man, yes I know I’m sounding like a broken record but I can’t get over the fact that a comic “journalist” used one because he decided to get pissy).

What makes this worse is that it’s “justified” elitism, cuz everyone knows how superior Indy books are to Big 2 books, right? Right? Oh wait, both sides have their garbage and their gold. An objective journalist would’ve seen that.

Mind you, I say this as someone who has actually enjoyed Greg’s other articles. I liked Scratching Out the Lines a lot, and it was cool to see someone else who was a big fan of Morrison. I’m more disappointed than anything, because I know if Greg had let himself cool off he wouldn’t have written something so insulting. Liking DC or Marvel doesn’t mean you’re some vapid fan who can’t think for himself – it doesn’t make you an Ivan. The fact that he would even think to imply it means I can’t take anything he says seriously anymore.

Yeah, I’m glad that Batman is facing a vast evil conspiracy spanning centuries. He’s never done that before.

BTW, is Morrison’s Return of Bruce Wayne out in trade yet?

@ Travis Pelkie
That might have been clever if those two were in anyway related other than the fact that they involve Batman, but since they aren’t, it wasn’t.

First of all…. Sorry for call you all twits…. just angered over the anger. And to Anonymous, Greg was just as harsh to the Indy’s… but the big two take up so much of the market share that one might not have noticed. I think he was arguing against a meme in current comic publication, but can’t say for sure since he hasn’t posted to his article… My guess, he is giggling at the volume of response.

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