SPIDER-MANDATE: The Lowe-down on "Secret Wars," Tie-Ins and Stacey Lee
“It’s all right. Keep right on lying to me. That’s what I want you to do.” (Ernest Hemingway, from A Farewell To Arms)
As you might be able to figure out, there’s a NSFW panel below. No gold star for figuring out which comic it comes from! I just thought it would be better to tell you now!
Batman, Incorporated #3 (“The Hanged Man”) by Grant “Yeah, I’m rarely so literal with my titles – don’t get used to it, fanboys!” Morrison (writer), Chris Burnham (artist), Nathan Fairbairn (colorist), and Patrick “Am I Pat? Am I Patrick?” Brosseau (letterer). $2.99, 20 pgs, FC, DC.
I KNOW THAT SOME POOR SUCKERS DIDN’T GET THIS COMIC (SEE BELOW). I FOUND THIS OUT AFTER I WROTE THE REVIEW. I DON’T THINK I SPOIL TOO MUCH, BUT IF YOU HAVEN’T BOUGHT THE COMIC YET BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN A BENIGHTED PART OF THE WORLD THAT DOESN’T BELIEVE IN FREEDOM (UNLIKE ARIZONA, WHERE I’M CURRENTLY TYPING THIS WHILE DRIVING AND DRINKING BEER AND NOT WEARING A SEAT BELT AND SHOOTING MAIL BOXES AND DOMESTIC CATS OUT THE WINDOW AND I’M NOT BREAKING ANY STATE LAWS!!!!!), FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS REVIEW. IF YOU DARE!!!!
If you know anything about me, you know that I often mention the First Rule of Popular Culture: NEVER TRUST THE WOMAN! It’s an unfortunate rule, because it implies that all women are untrustworthy, but it’s far too common in pop culture, across all media – television, movies, books, and comics. So why does Batman, who has ignored the First Rule of Popular Culture in the past to his detriment, ignore it again? WHY, BRUCIE, WHY? “But Greg,” you say, because you always talk to your computer screen when you read my reviews, “what about the dude? You know, that dude! Didn’t he really betray our hero, and isn’t he a man?” Well, yes. But he’s villainous, so we can’t expect him to be trustworthy. And yes, perhaps the woman really didn’t betray him. Does anyone want to make that claim?
Anyway, if you ignore Batman’s utter stupidity, this is a fine issue of the God of All Comics’ continuing opus. I mean, David Lapham should sue him for plagiarism, but there’s only so much you can do with this kind of story, and any story that begins with a teacher holding a gun on her class and ends with Damian kicking ass can’t be so bad. In between we get G-Mozz’s tribute to Garth Ennis’ Section Eight (it’s true!), Alfred brushing down a cow, and a freaky page with a hanged dude and a judge wearing a scary mask. It’s all very Morrisonian, but in the best way, and Burnham is wonderful as usual. He can make the weakest Morrison issues nice to look at, and in this issue, he has a good Morrison script to work with, so with the exception of Bruce forgetting the First Rule of Popular Culture, it’s a good issue.
(Some of you may be wondering how I read this in the wake of this announcement. I guess some people at DC thought the idea of a teacher holding a gun on a bunch of students was in poor taste. Now, if she had expressed an interest in having sex with their corpses, as some DC characters have alluded to doing in the past, then ship away! This is just another idiotic response to a problem that doesn’t have anything to do with the shooter. My bet is that DC hopes this will gin up interest in the book when it finally does ship and push the sales higher. Because they would never do anything cynical like that. If you’re wondering how I got this … well, I live in Arizona. I got this comic free with my purchase of 10 AR-15s and 50 boxes of armor-piercing bullets that I got with no background check, only the word of my dog that I was using it only to hunt javelinas in my back yard. WE CANNOT LET THE JAVELINAS WIN!!!!!! Arizona cares not for announcements by a socialist company trying to keep us from seeing images of evil teachers pulling guns on children! That’s downright un-American, consarnit!)
(Seriously, I don’t know how my retailer got this. Chad got it, too, and he lives in a country where you’re not allowed to purchase a water pistol, much less a real gun. I guess some copies slipped through the net!)
(I managed to get this review up before Pam found out. Don’t anybody tell her, because she’ll come down on me like a sumo wrestler trying to get to the buffet table.)
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
Wiebe and Rossmo’s new comic is a four-issue mini-series, and it begins fairly well, with enough exposition to intrigue us and enough action to entertain us. We’re in some kind of post-apocalyptic world covered with … well, debris, and humans are fighting what appears to be a losing battle against mechanical dinosaurs. Maya, our protagonist, is your typical kick-ass heroine, learning from an older woman who acts as the “protector” of the village where they live – she seems to be the military commander, because she asks for more troops to train from the council who runs things. Well, if you’ve ever read a comic like this, you know that Calista – that’s the older woman – is not long for this world, and Maya is forced to undertake a quest to find “Athabasca,” a legendary place that presumably holds the key to humans’ survival. It must – it’s that kind of book.
It’s certainly not the most original premise, but Wiebe does a nice job getting us into the story. I’ve been reading a good number of post-apocalyptic comics recently and have been critical of those with too much explanation (see: The Massive), but Wiebe ain’t care about that – he just shows us that the world has fallen apart, and we have to deal with it! Maya and Calista are really the only characters in the book – there’s a councilwoman who’s kind of a bitch, and we see a lot of other people, but they’re the only two who count – and Wiebe does a decent job with their dialogue revealing their relationship. Rossmo is excellent, too – his dinosaurs are very realistic but still kind of clanky, and he’s gotten a lot better at action over the years, and Maya’s fight with the Jormungand is really well done (see below). He’s still not great with faces, but he’s not horrible. He and Gieni give us a very cool, bright world – even though the world is full of junk, the dinosaurs are bright orange, as is Maya’s hair, while the sky and the humans’ outfits are beautiful blue, giving us a wonderful contrast. It’s really a beautiful book, and while I’ve liked Rossmo’s artwork for a while, his last book (Green Wake) was a bit bleaker, so the colors didn’t pop quite as much.
I don’t know where Wiebe is going with the story – he could take it on a completely conventional path, which might still be entertaining, or he could try something different – but this is a pretty good first issue. Sure, you can wait for the trade, but then you’ll have to wait for a few months to see mechanical dinosaurs!
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
Starkings steps aside as writer for an issue so he can give some pub to David Hine in the form of a nice preview of Strange Embrace, which is a pretty good horror comic that you can get in a very nice hardcover, if you so choose. Hine gives himself some pub by writing and drawing this story, in which a man finds the assistant to the dude who created the elephantmen and gets him to speak about his past. The dude is old and dying, and the creepy bald dude there on the cover says it wouldn’t kill him to get his story out before he dies, right? Yeah, right. There’s a reason why you shouldn’t trust creepy bald dudes!
This is a pretty effective horror story, actually. Unlike Strange Embrace, which is a tad predictable (still pretty good, as I mentioned, but a tad predictable), Hine does a very nice job with a couple of aspects of this story. First, Javier Kubec – the assistant – tries to both justify and apologize for his monstrous actions, and Hine almost makes him sympathetic even though he’s a horrible human being. Second, the creepy bald dude comes up with a horribly appropriate punishment for Kubec, one that satisfies the reader even while we realize that CBD might be as monstrous as Kubec is. In a book that examines how humans can be animalistic and how animals can be humanistic, Hine gives us two people we really wouldn’t want to hang out with and makes them both compelling, each convinced that he is helping the greater good but neither seeming to have much in the way of humanity. Hine’s rough, woodcut-like artwork helps create a weird, disturbing mood, and voila! we have another solid issue of Elephantmen. Plus, it has an awesome title. “Ghastly” is a fine word that doesn’t get used often enough.
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ½ ☆ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
Hickman et al. continue to have way too much fun with Manhattan Projects, as we’re slowly seeing a plot emerge but the book still has a lot of craziness going on. Oppenheimer figures out that the aliens from last issue aren’t terribly friendly, and he … well, see below. Then he does something even more disturbing (yet awesome). This leads to the team discovering Einstein’s door and using it to thwart the aliens, which doens’t earn them brownie points from the other sentient beings in the galaxy. Oh dear. The way they stop the aliens is brutal but brilliant, and Hickman ends the book with yet another portentous moment. It’s been a really fun book to read so far, and it just keeps getting better, which is nice.
The one complaint I have is with the artwork, more specifically, the coloring. I thought the coloring of the flashback last issue was really well done, because Bellaire used red and blue to such good effect. She does the same thing in this issue, and it looks as nice as issue #4 did, but because it’s a different character, I thought it would be neat to see different stark and bright colors for this one. It’s just a purely personal point of view, and I do like that she’s keeping the coloring different in the flashbacks, but when I saw it, I thought, “Man, that would have looked neat with a different two-color palette, because it’s a different character.” That makes sense, right? Well, it makes sense to me.
Anyway, this should be out in a trade next month (I think), if not sooner. It’s a very good comic full of crazy, crazy shit. Pick it up and have a blast!
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ½ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
As cocked-up as DC’s “New 52″ crap has been, and I think we can agree it’s been pretty cocked-up – very little stability in creative teams due to obsessions with rigid scheduling; Rob Liefeld’s high profile; an inability to pull the band-aid completely off so that no one knows what actually “happened” before the reboot or didn’t; Rob Liefeld’s high profile; the use of many creators who were working on books before the reboot, which seems to defeat the purpose; Rob Liefeld’s high profile; the insistence on having 52 titles for no good reason; ROB LIEFELD’S HIGH PROFILE!!!!! – I think we can agree that DC has done some interesting things, and that includes throwing a lot of weird shit out there and seeing what sticks. I mean, a Justice League composed of weird, magical characters? A comic set in the Middle Ages composed of weird, magical characters? A new book about a princess of Gemworld with (presumably) weird, magical characters? Oh, wait, I had a point here. Oh, yes – DC has given us a lot of bizarre comics that might not have a long shelf-life but might be good for some short stories, and National Comics is the latest one: it’s a “series” of one-shots starring various oddball characters who couldn’t possibly sustain a regular series or maybe even a mini-series but might be used to tell good single-issue stories. It’s not a bad idea for a series, even if I doubt it will last very long. So I commend DC, at least, for doing something like this. Now, don’t get me started on St. Bastion …
That’s not to say that National Comics: Eternity is a terribly good comic. It takes Kid Eternity and makes him a dude working in a morgue who uses his power to speak to the recently-dead to solve any crimes that result in bodies being on his slab. I don’t think he’s ever called “Kid Eternity” in the comic, which isn’t a bad thing, necessarily – his name is Chris Freeman (man, talk about a symbolically loaded name) and he came back to life a year earlier when he and his father were shot on the street. His father, of course, did not survive, but Chris was resurrected and found his calling, so to speak. So in this issue, Lemire gives us a crime, one that Chris solves, in the meantime coming to terms somewhat with his relationship with his father and also meeting someone who appears to be his nemesis. It’s a fairly bland comic, with a far-too-obvious solution to the crime. If we’ve gone over the First Rule of Popular Culture above, one of the Rules of Comics (which are a tiny bit more liberal than entertainment in general) is that the fat white men are always nasty and the scroungy hot punk-rock chicks are always good, and once we know that, the crime is easy to solve. I don’t know if Lemire is trying to set this up as a mini-series or an ongoing (as the book introduces that nemesis and ends on a quasi-cliffhanger), but I hope other writers don’t do that. Tell the story in 32 pages, move on. It can’t be that hard!
Cully Hamner’s art is always nice to see, though. He and Jason Pearson have been hanging out, apparently, but that’s not a bad thing. I’m not sure what Donovan does on this book – he and Hamner are both listed as “artists,” and Hamner is no help on his blog – but the art is consistent, so either Donovan is inking or he’s trying to look like Hamner. Anyway, it’s nice art. The story doesn’t quite match it, but that’s the way it is occasionally!
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ½ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
Near Death #10 by Jay Faerber (writer), Ed Brisson (writer/letterer, “The Stack”), Simone Guglielmini (artist), Jason Copland (artist, “The Stack”), Ron Riley (colorist), Paul Little (colorist, “The Stack”), and Charles Pritchett (letterer). $2.99, 26 pgs, FC, Image.
Poor Markham. Last issue Faerber had him face off with a dude, both their guns drawn, a few feet apart. In this issue … Markham faces off with the same dude, both their guns drawn, a few feet apart. Man, Markham can’t catch a break, can he? As next issue is the end of this 3-issue “arc,” I surely hope that Faerber doesn’t have Markham and the dude face off for a third time!
As it’s the middle of the story, Faerber just moves his guys around the board a bit. Markham carries Knox to the hospital after the events of last issue, and then he visits his friend from the first arc – you know, the one who blew up. Knox, meanwhile, wakes up and decides to continue to his rampage against Markham’s former employer, and that’s where they both end up – with Knox having killed an innocent person in his quest and Markham realizing how hard his new path will be. It’s an exciting issue, but as it’s the middle of the story, it doesn’t really resolve anything. I did like that Faerber acknowledges that brain damage can manifest in different ways – we might scoff at Knox getting up out of his hospital bed so quickly, but Faerber lets us know that the damage could be in other areas rather than the physical – Knox’s personality has been altered by the injuries, which is perfectly plausible. I do hope Knox doesn’t get a quick fix next issue (given the end of this issue, I’m not even sure if Knox will be around next issue), but at least Faerber knows enough about brain injuries to make this issue conceivable.
Brisson and Copland’s latest “Murder Book” story isn’t as good as last issue’s – we’re back to the bleakness that characterizes most of the stories – but this is noteworthy because it gives us the end of a story that we’ll never see and the aftermath of something going horribly wrong for one of the characters. We’ve seen this kind of scene a lot in fiction, but it’s fascinating to see it with no context whatsoever.
So it’s another solid issue of Near Death. I’ll be keen to see how Faerber gets his two characters out of the situation they’re in at the end of this issue. Should be fun!
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose #75 (“The Dark Spiral Part One: The Abandoned Witch Village”) by Jim Balent (writer/artist), Holly Golightly (colorist/letterer), and Randi LeeAnn (color flatter). $2.95, 22 pgs, FC, BroadSword Comics.
Yes, it’s the seventy-fifth issue of Jim Balent’s magnum opus, and I figured I would pick it up, because it’s been a bit over 4 years since issue #50, and I can check in on “anniversary” issues, right? I ripped issue #50 quite a bit, but I’m not going to do that here. I wondered if Balent has gotten any better, but he hasn’t. The writing is just as lousy as it was 4 years ago, and Balent’s art looks exactly the same. This is a perfect case of a creator finding an audience that doesn’t want him to change in the least and the creator acquiescing to their wishes. Balent doesn’t care what I think of Tarot, because I’m not a regular reader. Apparently he has a nice life making Tarot, so why should he ever change? Unlike a certain other creator getting high-profile gigs at DC, however, Balent has some talent. So even though he never changes in any way, his comics still look better than that other guy’s. They’re as poorly written, but they do look better!
That doesn’t mean I’m not going to tell you what’s going on in this book. So Tarot has found out that the faeries want to kidnap her and take her to their king and queen. She doesn’t know why, so she deliberately walks into a trap so the faeries can, um, kidnap her and take her to their king and queen. The trap is sprung by a naked purple faery (see below) who once knew our heroine even though Tarot herself doesn’t remember her. And then they fight. Oh, sweet fancy Moses, do they ever. There are 22 pages in this comic. On 17 of them, we see the naked purple faery in all her glory. On 2 of them, Tarot is completely naked. There are 8 panels featuring close-ups of labia. Yes, labia. The faery runs from Tarot and claims that if she catches her, she’ll tell our heroine everything. When Tarot doesn’t catch her, the faery punishes her … by spanking her bare ass and then, when that is insufficient, hitting her bare ass with a switch. No, I’m not making that up. 5 pages of this comic are devoted to the faery spanking/whipping Tarot’s ass. Just ponder that for a moment. Golightly actually colors Tarot’s ass pink for most of the comic, and Balent lovingly draws lines of blood across her ass after she gets hit by the branch. Because I am weird, the most egregious thing in the book might be the panel below. The faery is flipping backward after she lands on Tarot’s back and knocks her down. Does that look like a woman doing a backflip? I don’t know from where Balent pulled that image, but it’s obviously an image of a model lying down on a bed or couch that he traced in. Balent has never been as blatant about this as people like Greg Land, but it’s ridiculous in this panel.
Anyway, the absolute worst thing about this issue is that nothing happens. Like I did with issue #50, I gave this to my wife, and she had the same complaint: nothing happens. Tarot walks into a village to find out why the faery king and queen want to see her, and at the end of the book, she is still no closer to finding out because Balent was too interested in turning the middle of the book into a weird sadomasochist thing. And don’t even get me started on the O-face Balent draws on Tarot when she pulls a knife out of her shoulder. Weird territory, indeed.
So it’s a terrible comic book. That’s not surprising. My lovely wife also had some observations: No woman, she claims, would want to have a piece of material jammed up between her labia like Tarot has, because it would be too painful. She said a thong is one thing, but this is ridiculous. She obviously doesn’t realize that one of Tarot’s witchy powers is the power to not feel a piece of material jammed between her labia. Then, at one point, Tarot mentions her “armor.” Given her outfit, that made my wife chuckle. Her last bit of criticism cracked me up: “What’s with all the twat shots?” What’s with all the twat shots, indeed.
Comics Should Be Good! The only site on the comics blogaxy where you will find the word “labia” written 5 times, including that last one. WE GO WHERE NO BLOG DARES TO GO!!!!!
Rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ (I’m feeling generous)
One totally Airwolf panel:
Things That Zeus Threw #178 (“Executioner’s Song”) by Jeff Parker (writer), Kev Walker (artist), Declan Shalvey (artist), Frank Martin Jr. (colorist), and Joe Caramagna (letterer). $2.99, 20 pgs, FC, Marvel.
This is Shalvey’s last issue on Vengeance-Seekers Noir, which is too bad (that’s according to him; according to the solicits, he does some of next issue too). Of the three Marvel books I still read in single issues, all of which double-ship (the bane of the 21st-century Teens!!!!), this comic has had the most consistent art team, with Walker and Shalvey doing a nice job keeping up. They both have good styles that are similar enough to fit in the book but different enough to be interesting. Neil Edwards is coming on for a three-issue arc, which doesn’t bother me or thrill me, but if he’s coming on, I hope he and Walker will be the only artists going forward. I loathe Marvel’s double-shipping policy, but it seems to really affect something like X-Factor, which goes through like I go through underwear (I wear the same pair for two weeks and then throw it away – isn’t that standard?).
Anyway, this is a typically good issue of the comic, with Parker dropping some humor on us (the funniest line in the book is Boomerang’s when the tower is destroyed), the action ramping up, and both teams facing seemingly horrendous odds. The time-tossed T-Bolts are now trapped 78 years in the future (man, things got shitty really quickly!), where they meet the “local law enforcement,” who looks both suspiciously like a 2000AD character AND a person near and dear to the T-Bolts’ hearts. Meanwhile, the Dunkel Avengers fight that dude in the desert while still having an escape plan up their sleeves – yeah, no one saw that coming. Parker continues to have a blast with this book, and it shows on every page. One of the commenters from last week (Rusty Priske) mentioned that last issue made him drop the book. I don’t know why that particular issue made him drop it, because Parker’s run has been pretty consistent – if you didn’t like it a year or two ago, it hasn’t changed all that much. Rusty said last issue was “AMAZINGLY awful” (the caps are his). That’s perfectly fine to think so, but I’m curious as to what was so different about last issue. The book has been at this level of quality (whichever level you think that is) for some time, and this issue is more of the same (and I mean that in the best way possible). Either way, if you want to see bad guys fight monsters and other, less bad guys fight a Judge Dredd knockoff, this comic is for you!
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
I pre-ordered Wild Children, but both my retailer and I forgot about that fact when it came out a few weeks ago, so I didn’t get it until this week. Such is the way the world works – I got Batman, Inc. early, and this late!
This is a pretty lousy comic book, but it’s lousy in a unique way, so I can understand some of the positive reviews I’ve seen of it (I don’t like to read others’ reviews before I read my books, but because I forgot I was going to get this and I didn’t get it for two weeks, I read some thoughts about it). Ales Kot thought he had a clever idea – teenagers know they’re in a comic book and take over a school to prove it – but it’s not all that clever, and he doesn’t do much with it anyway. The teenagers at Überland High School (that’s an indication of how clever this comic thinks it is) take their teachers hostage and begin talking. Oh, how they talk. It’s all bullshit, but I guess it’s okay because they’re teenagers, and teenagers can say stupid shit and nobody cares. They claim there are no bullets in their guns, then they shoot a teacher and drag his body away. But is he dead? They prove they’re in a comic by getting rid of the coloring of one of the teachers, which freaks her out. They dose everyone’s water with LSD so they can see outside themselves. They say stuff like “The existence of a lie is a lie. It’s a meme we’ve fed ourselves because it helped us grow. Viruses are higher versions of proteins … Our generation’s too old to have any use for lies” and “Our world is haunted by itself. It’s constantly pregnant with its own overthrowing.” If you think those sentences are fascinating, you’ll probably like Wild Children. I don’t, so I didn’t. Simple as that.
I’d say that Rossmo is phoning this in on art, because his art on Debris is so much better, but I wonder if he’s phoning it in on purpose, to show how bland the kids’ world actually is. There are a few panels that are quite nice, so it’s not like Rossmo couldn’t have done more with the majority of the book that is so bland, which again makes me wonder if he did it deliberately. He could have also done it so Wright’s absolutely stunning colors stand out more. Wright’s colors are by far the best thing about this book – as you can see below, he goes a bit nuts when the teachers are tripping, giving us more than one panel similar to the one below. When the book goes a bit psychedelic, it looks a lot better, due mainly to Wright’s colors (Rossmo’s line work is still, unfortunately, pretty bland). He smears colors across the page, turning the book into a bizarre work of art more than a trite manifesto. The way he “uncolors” the teacher is far more chilling than it should be, and he even gives the authorities a cool blue color palette to contrast with the redder shades of the latter half of the book. Wright’s a good colorist, and this book has merit almost solely because of his contribution.
But hey, smarter people than your humble blogger seem to like this. Don’t take my word for it. Read this guy, for instance (holy crap, that guy can spout stuff). USA Today liked it. So there you go. I’m certainly not too bright, so perhaps those other people can convince you I’m wrong! (One of the funniest things I’ve read about this comic is that people who don’t want to be challenged in their comics won’t like it. That’s the classic Grant Morrison defense – “If you didn’t like it, you just don’t get it!” I love that defense, because it automatically invalidates an opinion like mine: I didn’t like it, so of course I’m stupid and don’t like challenging comics. It has nothing to do with the fact that it might, just might, suck.)
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
One totally Airwolf panel:
20th Century Boys volume 21 by Naoki Urasawa (writer/artist). $12.99, 207 pgs, BW, Viz Signature.
I guess this ends with volume 24, right? I’m looking forward to sitting down and reading the whole thing again. It’s a good comic.
Daredevil volume 1 by Mark Waid (writer), Paolo Rivera (artist), Joe Rivera (inker), Marcos Martin (artist), Javier Rodriguez (colorist), Muntsa Vicente (colorist), and Joe Caramagna (letterer). $15.99, 131 pgs, FC, Marvel.
All right, you people, this better be as good as you say it is! It looks tremendous, and that first issue was pretty darned good, so I’m jazzed about the rest of it!
I get that volume 3 of this epic was long, but I wonder why SLG couldn’t just release the entire thing in one package? The second half of volume 3 has already been solicited, after all, so it’s not like Jensen and Higgins were pressed for time. Oh well.
Trilogies are the way to go, apparently, and this has been a good one so far. This time around: Nazis go home!
The Underwater Welder by Jeff Lemire (writer/artist). $19.95, 220 pgs, BW, Top Shelf.
I thought this was a hardcover, but it ain’t. That’s fine with me if it keeps the costs down, but I just thought I’d mention it. Anyway, if this isn’t 200 pages of some dude welding underwater, I’m going to demand my money back. I DEMAND WELDING!!!!
I got nothing else to rant about this week. Shit happened. Blech.
Let’s peruse the The Ten Most Recent Songs On My iPod (Which Is Always On Shuffle):
1. “Alone Again In The Lap Of Luxury” – Marillion (1994) “I don’t remember the last time I cried, I don’t remember much except lies”
2. “Nice To Know You” – Incubus (2001) “Deeper than the deepest Cousteau would ever go and higher than the heights of what we often think we know”
3. “Bad Attitude Shuffle” – Cinderella (1994) “‘Cause when nobody worries for you, you got to worry for yourself”
4. “Sun King” – The Cult (1989) “I’m a regal man, I’ll do what I can, to take you off to the promised land”
5. “King Kong Song” – ABBA (1974) “Now we can make the jungle out of any old place, we can make gorillas out of people”
6. “Warm Wet Circles” – Marillion (1987) “Sharing cigarettes with experience with her giggling jealous confidantes, she faithfully traces his name with quick bitten fingernails”
7. “Gone” – Pearl Jam (2006) “For the lights of this city – they only look good when I’m speeding”
8. “I Know What I’m Here For” – James (1999) “You can have whatever you want but are you disciplined enough to be free”
9. “Right Now” – Van Halen (1991) “Miss the beat, you lose the rhythm, and nothing falls into place”
10. “Alone” – Heart (1987) “My love for you is still unknown”1
1 Damn straight I have this on my iPod. Sing it with me! I mean, come on – the piano explodes. THE PIANO EXPLODES!!!!! And Nancy rides a horse for no discernible reason!!!!! Man, the Eighties rocked.
I keep forgetting to put up some Totally Random Lyrics, and here they are!
“See, what do you expect when you rhyme like a soft punk
You walk down the street and get jumped
You got to have style, and learn to be original
And everybody’s gonna wanna diss you
Like me, we stood up for the south Bronx
And every sucka MC had a response
You think we care? I know that they are on the tip
My posse from the Bronx is thick
And we’re real live, we walk correctly
A lot of suckas would like to forget me”
Simple, right? Finally, since I posted a picture of my older daughter last week, here’s a photo of my younger daughter. Just because I can, suckers!
Have a great weekend, everyone. Enjoy the heat!
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