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Ten Worst One-Liners From Batman and Robin

And now, apropos of nothing, here are the ten worst one-liners from the 1997 film, Batman and Robin, starring George Clooney as Batman, Chris O’Donnell as Robin, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze, Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl and Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy.

Enjoy (or not, I guess it depends on whether you’re a believer in “so bad it is good”)!

10. “Tonight’s forecast…a freeze is coming!”

I imagine that this is what Mr. Freeze tells his wife in their bedroom.

9. “This is why Superman works alone.”

(Said after Robin asked Batman for a car, as “chicks dig the car.”)

8. “No matter what they tell you, Mr. Bane, it IS the size of your gun that counts.”

Seriously, Mr. Freeze, chill out with the sex stuff (pun intended).

7. “My garden needs tending.”

Poison Ivy can be just as innuendo-tastic as you, Freeze!

6. “Never leave the cave without it.”

Ah…the Bat credit card (expiration date? FOREVER!). Classic.

5. “Chicks like you give women a bad name.”

Well said, Batgirl, well said.

4. “Sorry, my vines have a CRUSH on you.”

We’ll close out with three Freeze puns in a row…

3. “What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!”

2. “You’re not sending ME to the cooler!” (pronounced “cooool-ah”)

1. “Let’s kick some ice!”

Awesome.

I am sure that you all have your personal faves for the worst lines in the movie. Like “Hey, Freeze. The heat is on.” or “Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze.” or ” I hate to disappoint you but my rubber lips are immune to your charms.” There’s plenty to choose from!

80 Comments

Arrrrgggghhhhh!

Let’s not discuss this.
This movie did not happen.

How you ever managed to cull the list down to TEN is beyond me. Kudos on accomplishing such a Herculean task.

True story: When my buddy Loston first heard the “This is why Superman works alone” line, he misheard it as “This is why Superman wears cologne”. I still like that version better. :)

Oh. I thought this was going to be the ten worst one-liners from the comic book “Batman and Robin” by Grant Morrison et al. More of a challenge, that.

I thought it was going to be the ten worst one liners from the comic book “All Star Batman and Robin”. I’d rather forget the movie.

I still like “She’s trying to kill you, Dick!” or maybeit wasn’t kill, but I was amazed Batman called Dick a well… dick. :-P

I think you meant Ten Best One-Liners.

Damnit, Bill Reed beat me too it.

Oh well, perhaps I should just “CHILL OUT!”

What? no ” Ice see you?”

BATMAN & ROBIN is, dollar-for-dollar, the worst movie ever made. There have worse movies, but never a movie that was that bad and that expensive.

A lot of the blame is in the script. It was like an episode of the old Adam West/Burt Ward TV show as written by someone who didn’t get the jokes. As bad as those ten lines are, you could probably find ten others almost as bad.

A lot of folks knock the film-makers for adding homoeroticism to the mix. To me, that is the least of the problems with the movie. Part of BATMAN ’66 was its low budget sensibility and its innocent (almost naive) sexiness. There is no reason that tone couldn’t be broadened to be inclusive of folks with different orientations.

The problem is with scaling something that slight up to pseudo-Wagnerarian dimensions. None of the characters were any fun at all. As a straight man, I didn’t find either Poison Ivy, or Batgirl, remotely appealing. That is kind of amazing given the actresses involved and the characters they were playing.

That is largely a function of the plot making no sense. Every scene is pulling in two incompatible directions. Is it a big, epic action movie (e.g. the Burton Batman films)? A light comedy (e.g. BATMAN ’66)? A satire of action movies (e.g, HUDSON HAWK)? It varies not just from scene-to-scene, but line-to-line.

God, do I love to hate BATMAN & ROBIN.

Hey, the last time I watched that movie, I rather liked #9, and was very fond of #1! (Not that I had much use for any of the others, though.)

On the other hand, I believe Peter David has stated that when he attended an advance screening of the film at DC’s headquarters, the bit with Batman whipping out the Bat-Visa credit card (“Never leave the cave without it”) literally made Denny O’Neil scream in horror.

(I’m guessing this was because of Denny’s painful realization that as far as Joel Schumacher was concerned, it was time to turn back the clock three decades to the campy attitude of the TV show in the late 60s, before Denny ever started writing or editing any Batman stories . . .)

If taken in context (Campy) it was Ok, taken as the Batman platform since 1986…….it sucks ass

Mr. Freeze: Brilliant scientist. Doesn’t know how the dinosaurs went extinct.

What about the line, “There is only one absolute…….EVERYTHING FREEZES!” That doesn’t make sense metaphorically or scientifically

The movie pisses me off.

The only good line in the movie:

Barbara: “I’m looking for someone.”

Dick: “Please say it’s for me!”

oh whatever…this movie is FABULOUSLY campy and so much fun to watch.

don’t take it so seriously!

Plus I never knew you could surrvive an umpteen thousand feet fall…if your fall is broken by a building.

Right around the Bane fight scene where Robin and Batgirl are falling from the telescope.
Robin: “I got you.” Batgirl: “No, I got you.”

At that moment I wanted to kill myself.

I think that above all those, the one that stands out for me was the simple “What’s up Freeze? I’m Batman!” because of how much it summarize the whole spirit of this movie, it takes the then iconic and classic elements from the Burton movies and totally destroy them by making it look as corny as possible.

Jason Seas (@jasonseas)

October 4, 2012 at 9:22 am

I always get a weird look from my friends when they see this movie on my dvd shelf, along with the Nolan Batman films, and none of the other Batman films. They find it hard to believe I got it for free when I bought my first dvd player way back when. I just never threw it out.

“I imagine that this is what Mr. Freeze tells his wife in their bedroom.”

That’s gonna be a problem since his wife is probably frigid (Badum Tss!)

Stich, you really, really, really ought to be ashamed of yourself for that “frigid” joke.

(Why didn’t I think of it first?!)

Mrs. Freeze was Fridged before it became cool. Oh God, someone stop me.

the whole script should be here lol
how about “Suit me up uncle alfred”
or “take two of these and call me in the morning”
i actually laughed at the superman comment

This is, to date, the only Batman movie I didn’t see in theaters.

Its funny to watch the behind the scenes stuff on the two-disk DVD. Everyone seems somewhat apologetic for having been involved in it at all.

“My garden needs tending” is a great line!

The rest… not so much.

The ones that really killed me is when freeze puns (which are groantastic, but puns usually are), like #2, switched to ice references with NO ACTUAL JOKE.

“Freeze you later”? WTH?

I’ve got a particular fondness for this film. I took one of my best friends to see it not long after his dad died. Little did we know that we’d have more fun making fun of the movie than just watching it. We’ve been making fun of movies ever since.

I think off-the-wall, slightly goofy, non-grim Batman can be done well – see Batman, Inc. right now. This was not done well.

All of those are pretty groan worthy. Though for me it was when Freeze was looking at home movies of his wife and himself before his accident and is interrupted by a henchman whom Freeze freezes with his gun and exclaims, “I hate it when people talk during the movie”

Reading through this list, I’ve come up with a realization that might explain this torrid mess.

I don’t think Joel Schumacher wanted or was prepared to have Schwarzenegger in this film, and had to dumb down the whole thing accordingly when he got forced onto the production. Everyone in Hollywood knows Arnie can’t act, but being the biggest name–at the time–in it, everyone else was going to have to come down to his level.

Schumacher made Forever, which was a solid Batman flick. not the best, but not the worst. Add Arnie into the mix and all the influence he gets to throw around, including script approval.

It’s meant to be a Schwarzenegger action flick for a bankable Hollywood moneymaker who had started to run out of ways to recycle the one character he is capable of playing.

I’m not saying Joel S. would have made an all together different/restrained flick, but he is more than capable of making good and watchable movies.

Much as I DETEST this film, I’ve gotta admit the Mr. Freeze armor does look pretty good. God, I almost said “cool”…

Balancing that, this was the one with the Bat-Nipples on the costumes, right?

Awful as it is, Batman and Robin is a much more entertaining movie than Batman Returns or Batman Forever. I can’t imagine ever watching either of those again.

Funny how the “Legends of the Dark Knight” episode from The New Batman Adventures aired just Tuesday night. It was the first time I had seen it in years — the shots Timm & Co. took at Schumacher are pretty nasty; and they don’t really help the episode much.

The thing that really bothered me about this movie was that even though they used Mr. Freeze’s origin from “Batman: The Animated Series” (which has pretty much become the default Mr. Freeze for everything except the “The Batman” cartoon, which was probably just trying to distance itself from BTAS) but they gave him the personality of the 60s Otto Preminger version of the character. The reason it ticked me off so much was that anyone who’s seen the Terminator movies knows that Schwartzenegger actually COULD have been a good choice to play the BTAS version of the character if only they’d told him to play the character that way. But he was godawful (though hilariously so) as the pun-slinging camp version.

I really need to start signing off with “Freeze you later.”

Freeze you later.
buttler

Sorta-kinda-fun fact: I last watched this movie on TV in Delhi just back in January.

Freeze you later,
buttler

Those who think this film introduced whispers about child predators into this franchise, they should look at the Robin costume with shaved legs and pixie shoes that endured for at least 48 years.

In contrast to, for example, Dragnet (1987), which introduced a rather unprecedented turn for a franchise, this film had much precedent.

http://gothamalleys.blogspot.com/2011/08/comic-book-references-in-movies-part-iv.html

http://www.batman-online.com/forum/index.php?topic=270.0

Mr. Freezes/Zero temperature puns were present in the 1950′s.

As the poster Count Karnstein pointed out, those comic books:
http://monsterkidclassich…search/topic/topic/14587
“had giant pennies and stuffed dinosaurs, was wearing caveman, zebra, and rainbow costumes, teamed up with Bat-Mite, split in two, melded with Superman, fought a living #2 pencil, drowned in giant gravy boats and menaced by giant sized water pistols, tennis rackets, and all sorts of insane absurdities long before the Batman movie or tv show were released….Dozier was bringing the characters to the screen in the manner in which they had been portrayed in the comics. Was there ever a silly, absurd, ridiculous Green Hornet comic book? If so, it’s escaped my attention for the better part of 40 years. Did we ever see a Caveman Green Hornet or a Green Hornet in a rainbox/zebra/dayglo red suit? Did we ever see Green Hornet being drowned in a giant gravy boat or being chased by aliens and dinosaurs? Was there ever an Ace the Green Hornet Dog? How about a Hornet-Mite?
No? I didn’t think so. There’s your answer. It’s literally that simple. Dozier was taking characters and putting them on the screen. Green Hornet was always played straight and serious in the comics/strips/radio, so he was done that way for tv. Batman was as absurd, silly, goofy, and ridiculous as anything else that has ever appeared in comics, and so that’s how he appeared on-screen”.

9. “This is why Superman works alone.”

Did the backlash against that line delay a JLA film?

“I don’t think Joel Schumacher wanted or was prepared to have Schwarzenegger in this film”

@JRC – Schumacher has always taken the credit for the casting, because he wanted Freeze to be “big and strong like he was chiseled out of a glacier”.

I took my 5 yr old son to see this several times at the drive-in. He absolutely adored this film. Which is why we bought the toys, the posters, the comics, and the clothes all featuring Batman. I didn’t mind it either, as I could watch it through my son’s eyes that were overflowing with utter joy. He can still watch it now, and still enjoy it (kind of like the same way I still enjoy watching Flash Gordon or even Masters of the Universe.) It was supposed to capture kids, and it did.

This year my 8 yr old son wanted to watch Dark Knight Rises. I was somewhat torn because Dark Knight was so violent and not appropriate for the kids. I went to see DKR, and then took him to see it afterwards, making sure I was ready to censor any violent scenes that would worry him.

Never have I seen a kid SO BORED in the cinema. After we came home we switched on the DVD and watched Batman Forever and Batman and Robin. He absolutely loved them both (of course he’s seen them before.)

There’s a reason Batman and Robin was made. Not every Batman film should be made for kids over 25yrs of age.

The line about Superman was one of the few good things about that wretched movie.

And #1 should have been, “Hi, Freeze. I’m Batman.”

Just a terrible, awful line.

“Batman and Robin” is pretty much just an updated version of Adam West’s take, and since Adam West’s Batman is the BEST Batman I’ve always been quite fond of it. I mean, honestly, people talk about this movie like it wasn’t TRYING to be goofy. It was. It had to be. If that’s not your cup of tea, FINE, but it’s not a bad movie. It just wasn’t for you.

My only complaint? It was a Joel Schumacher movie without a greasy saxophonist. It felt like I was looking for Waldo AND HE JUST WASN’T THERE!!!

Sterling Joseph

October 4, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Poison Ivy : As I told Lady Freeze when I pulled her plug, “This is a one woman show”. Classic. LOL!

See, “Ice see you” would have been OK if it were, “Ice see you, baby–shaking that ice, shaking that ice.”

Freeze you later,
buttler

I think this needs to be posted:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRH-Ywpz1_I

“There’s a reason Batman and Robin was made. Not every Batman film should be made for kids over 25yrs of age.”

While I agree with your point about Chris Nolan’s bat films, I wholly reject the notion that the two things are mutually exclusive. Both Pixar and “The Avengers” have proven that movies can be both.

@Sean,

Well that’s depressing.
Never let a director run as far or as long as they want, everyone has to deal with restrictions in commerical art, and it would have benefitted a lot in this case.

One of my favorite lines did not even come from this movie, although it could have. It was on the Simpsons, and McBain had a movie (he is a caricature of Shwarzenegger) where he busted out of an ice sculpture and said,,, wait for it…. “ICE TO SEE YOU”. My friend swore up and down that this line came from Batman and Robin and I had to lower the boom on him. I don’t really know if I am wrong, though, as I only saw this movie once and refuse to waste two hours to watch it again. I do remember that there were a lot of henchmen with machine guns with neon lights attached to them for some bizarre reason.

Yeah, I don’t believe Ice to See You was actually from the film. If I am mistaken, then it would be #1 on this list easily.

Re: Schwarzenegger
If he DID have script approval this would have been better. Regardless of what you think of his acting, he has a track record for a pretty good taste in scripts, particularly when it comes to interesting action movies. For example, while he does not get production credit on them, he is widely credited with getting both True Lies and Total Recall off the ground based on his opinion of their scripts.

Follow-up thought; those who think that this 1997 film introduced whispers of chld predators into this overall franchise, they did not have him wearing underwear over his pants, and did not have Prince on the soundtrack. Not to defend the 1997 film.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————

I wonder if the backlash against this 1997 film and Adam West will abate due to the Jim Holmes incident.
Warner Bros. Consumer Products has approached Adam West and 20th Century Fox (producers of the TV show) in 2012 about producing merchandise based on the TV shows. (Also, greeting cards from Hallmark tend to follow the Adam West design, which of course most closely resembled the traditional comic book design.) The Jim Holmes incident may further encourage this revival of the West version.

Interesting to note that in 1987, ten years prior, Max Allan Collins had this to say:

Max Allan Collins had an interview. He said the following:
“I’m afraid what I’m running smack up into is the old Batman TV show controversy: the old business about, Gee that was a TV show that made fun of Batman and made fun of comic books, so we have to show people that Batman and comic books are serious and they’re adult and accordingly all the fun goes out of it. There was a reason why that TV show was played for laughs and that is when you put actual human beings in those costumes and act out those stories, it looks stupid. They betray their juvenile roots. It can’t be done straight. I defy them to do the movie straight”.

Collins did not anticipate that properties based on children’s properties would grow so prominent, despite the impact of Star Wars (which derives from Flash Gordon serials).

In the book History of the Mystery, Collins does look back at the 1997 film without noting what he had said in 1987.

Here’s a one-liner for ya… “FREEZE IN HELL!!!!”

I don’t know if anyone else caught this point. Mr. Freeze’s comment about the dinosaurs is not only a terrible line, it’s also wildly inaccurate. It’s generally accepted that fallout from a meteor impact killed the dinosaurs, not an ice age. This is made worse by the fact that Victor Fries was a prominent scientist before becoming a criminal mastermind.

“Take two of these and call me in the morning” was easily the worst line in the movie. However, my favorite is when Bane keeps placing bombs and says “Bomb!” every time he places one. After he said this two or three times, I thought he was describing the movie. BOMB!

Seamus, wasn’t the Ice Age the accepted reason the Dinosaurs died back during those days?

BAETMINZ BLUD WILL FREEEEEEZE IN MUH HANUHS.

I don’t know how he mangles one-syllable words, but Arnold manages it.

I liked Alicia Silverstone’s character. Regrettably she didn’t do much. I don’t think her line is that bad. But I love this movie. Haha :P

Seamus, I’ve always understood the “What killed the dinosaurs? The ice age!” line was a direct reference, or good natured jibe, aimed at the rivalry between the Batman and Robin film, and the Lost World: Jurassic Park 2 film that had been released two or three weeks earlier. I remember Arnie on all the talk shows going on and on about how huge his film was going to be, and that it would destroy all the competition, in particular Lost World; Jurassic Park 2.

It obviously didn’t work out the way he thought it was going to…

@MegaGearMax – You’re kidding me, right?

Come On, My Garden Needs Tending was one of the better ones

There’s a special place in Hell for Joel Schumacher.

I’m glad I never watched the whole thing.

You left of the VERY WORST one liner of the entire movie. I don’t know how you overlooked it. Anyway, here it is:

“Directed by Joel Schumacher.”

I hope this has been helpful.

@ Charlie Ward

The Adam West tv show was ten times better than this cinematic abomination.

This movie was fucking bad… and here’r a few reasons:

A. Anticipation.

Burton’s first bat-flick was more action packed than gothic. Batman Returns amped up both the gothic elements while making it both whimsical & melancholic in nature.

The camp level existed in virtually all the films prior to the Nolan reboots.

But Burton always added drama to his films no matter how absurd some of his concepts were. And pound for pound, Batman Returns was equally absurd, funny and sad.

Which set the tone for Batman Forever.. & Joel Schumacher essentially made a worthy sequel that wasn’t too jarringly different from its predecessors. It was a fun yet somewhat dissapointing ride.

Batman & Robin came in & echewed all the drama & went full camp…. which is the equivalent of taking out the car’s stereo, AC, seat covers… while going the extra mile & breaking the windows for extra measure.

Imagine the kind of car you’d end up with…. and you’ll understand the kind of movie Batman & Robin was. It was functional… yet it still sucked.

JRC…
After reading your first comment; from what I’ve read, it was Schumacher’s intention to move away from Burton’s Batman films and recapture the campy style of the ’60′s series. So basically he chose to make a steaming hot mess, in spite of knowing it would end up reviled.

Robin: “That’s a Robin signal! Not a Bat signal. Ivy wants me and you can’t stand it!” LOL!

This film is a two hour toy commercial and everyone involved in it has admitted as much. Warner Bros. even had Mattel designing and inserting their “tie-in” toys into the movie. I don’t know how much of this affected the final script. Despite the crapfest this movie was Joel Schumacher has done some really good movies int he past (as well as bad ones). I’m not defending this steaming pile, just saying that it was made for ten year old kids with no regards to the adult film audience that made the franchise what it was.

amazing given how loathed by some the film is that the list could be narrowed down to ten lines. still love suite me up uncle alfred and my garden needs tending. for sadly not only did this movie kind of hurt mr. freeze and poison ivy as good bat foes but also showed that even some one like george clooney can not really make batman shine with a stupid script like batman and robin

What about “Too bad it doesn’t work on the COLD hearted.”

This was the only honest Batman movie of it’s time (Before the Nolan trilogy). This is the only one that knew not to take itself seriously.

Schumacher gets all the hate. However, I’ve read Akiva Goldsman’s script, and most of the bad stuff is there in it.

I can’t for the life of me understand hw this didn’t win best screenplay at the oscars

See, I don’t think any of these are any dumber than anything said in Batman Forever or Batman Returns.

@ Patrick:

This was the only honest Batman movie of it’s time (Before the Nolan trilogy). This is the only one that knew not to take itself seriously.

I would say that you and I have different memories of how seriously the Burton films took themselves.

While they certainly were not comedies, they had a lot of jokes. The humor was mostly of the black variety, which befitted their dark tone.

This movie makes “Howard the Duck” look good. Don’t forget that “Batman Forever” made it possible: ‘chicks dig the car,’ ‘holey rusted metal.’

@blackphoenix: I agree. Adam West’s Batman is (at least) ten times better than EVERYTHING.

[...] The Ten Worst One Liners From Batman And Robin – Staying with Batman here is 10 truly terrible one liners from the most terrible Batman film ever. [Comics Should Be Good!] [...]

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