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CSBG Archive

The Greatest Christmas Stories Ever Told! – #13

The countdown continues with 1985’s “You Never Make a Sound” from Spectacular Spider-Man #112 by Peter David, Mark Beachum and Pat Redding…

Much of the issue deals with Peter Parker finding himself alone on Christmas. However, while he THINKS he is all alone, he really is continually missing out on invitations from his friends and family.

Meanwhile, a department store Santa plans to use the information he gains from kids to rob their parents…

On Christmas Eve, Peter is moping again at his apartment…

Later that night, the burglar strikes…

Very cute, eh?

It’s funny, this being a Mark Beachum comic, there were plenty of gratuitous cheesecake shots in the comic and I left them out for the most part but even then he still managed to get a few ass shots into the various pages. He’s a funny one, that Mark Beachum!


Heh. Always fun when Santa makes a cameo in the Marvel Universe, and this one’s a lot more subtle than some other stories.

Though I wonder what kids make of New Coke references from that era? Do they scratch their heads or figure it’s something like a precursor to coke zero?

interesting all the eighties referances from new coke. to the one kid asking for a original optimus prime and stinkor. plus spider man back then wearing the suit that would become Venom

That Mark Beachum art is SPECTACULAR (100% honestly this wasn’t an intentional pun, I swear I didn’t even realize how cheesy it was ’til after I typed it).

Also, I’m realizing that The Seal Men’s War on Santa Claus isn’t going to make the list. It’s a shame, because it really truly is Jack Kirby’s most hidden gem.

Aside from the cheesecake, he sure seems to like workout clothes. I mean, I know workout clothes were kind of en vogue in the ’80s, but even Kathryn is wearing them when she calls Peter.

Ah, my #1 made the list. And I didn’t think me voting it would get it on the list at all. When everyone was giving lists and examples of what stories existed out there, I didn’t see this one mentioned. It’s kind of a forgotten tale. But I remember it fitting Peter very well, and I love any time Santa makes an appearance. So I’m going to be happy with this list no matter how it plays out now.

Mark Beachum and Pat Redding are two artist names I’ve never heard of, let alone seen their work. Yes, my first impression too was “Why the gratuitous cheesecake shots?”
The art reminds me of Rick Hoberg, another guy who seemed to emerge in the mid-80s. Few issues of Hoberg’s Batman spring to mind from that era, when they were introducing Alfred’s young relative Julia.

“Raiders of the Lost Ark” tape to play on the VCR, Tom Selleck, leg warmers… This one is giant treasure trove of mid-80s goodness.

@M-Wolverine —

The ending alone justifies it being on here. Unfortunately I don’t think we’ll be seeing Peter David’s equally excellent Rhino Santa story from his Hulk run, but this is a nice consolation.

My number 7 choice (resolving a subplot that had been running through The death of Jean DeWolff)
so that’s my 6th, 7th and 8th so far …and I expect another 2-4 of my picks

The other 3 are “no-hopers” (oddly enough, 2 of my no-hopers feature a [different] character referred to as “uncle Joe”)

@Anonymous – Yeah, I love the ending to the story. Funny you mention it, but I voted for the Rhino story too. I#2 in fact. So certainly great minds….

Was this before or after MJ’s reveal that she knew the truth about Peter all along?

V – I believe this was just over a year later

@John: Aah, thanks. :-) So that means Peter and MJ were back together for three years (real time) before tying the knot, right?

V – yes – exactly 3 years
MJ returned Am Spidey 256 (Sept 84), said she knew Spidey’s secret in 257 and told her story in 259
the proposal was in issue 292 (Sept 87) and she was newly-wed (and close to being newly widowed) in 293 (Kraven’s last hunt)

Mary Jane was back in the Spider-Man books for three years, but they were not even dating when he proposed to her.

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