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Don’t Send Me No More Letters No – I Learned the Birds and the Bees From Mort Weisinger

In this feature I spotlight responses that amuse me for whatever reason by Mort Weisinger to letters fans wrote in to the Superman family of titles back in the 1950s and 1960s. Here is an archive of past installments.

In this latest installment, Mort teaches children a new word that their parents might not want them to know…

(I featured this as a Comic Book Legends Revealed years ago, but it fits here, as well, so here ya go!)

In an era of “imaginary stories,” the Superman titles still managed to have a number of odd “real” ones, as well, especially a pair of stories that came out within months of each other in 1960.

The first one, in Superman #136, written by Robert Bernstein and drawn by Wayne Boring and Stan Kaye, introduced us to a man from the future who says he is destined to marry Lois. Superman seems to think that that sounds logical – “I guess if it’s destined, it’s destined” but Lois changes her tune when she sees the weird looking guy (who turned green and alien-looking due to comet radiation in the future) revert to a good-looking guy. She DOES, in fact, marry him and go off into the future with him…

So yes, Lois was now basically a widow. Trippy, right?

A few months later, in Action Comics #266, it was now Jerry Siegel who teamed up with Boring and Kaye to tell the tale of an alien named Jena the Space Girl who blackmails Superman into marrying her (and to get him to actually love her, she tries a love potion, with disastrous results)…

Of course, it all turns out to be an act by Superman…

Okay, these stories are silly and all, but what makes them especially notable is what happened a year or so later, when some fan tried to drop some knowledge in the Superman #143 letter column before Superman editor Mort Weisinger dropped some BETTER knowledge in return…read on!

You sure put that kid in his place, Mort!!!

How awesome is the idea of Mort Weisinger teaching kids about the birds and the bees in a letter column in 1961?

BE FOREWARNED! I have at least three or so more old Comic Book Legends that I will end up using in this feature before I move on to NEW Mort Weisinger responses that amused me for whatever reason!

10 Comments

Ha ha ha. Well, you see Little Tony, those marriages don’t count because there was no penetration. Don’t quote me on this Tone, but legally, in such cases, I believe you can remarry without a divorce.

Pedro Bouça

May 3, 2013 at 4:00 am

Mort Weisinger has never been famous for his subtlety…

Idea for a Silver Age Superman Pastiche:

“The Many Wives of Mort Weisinger” featuring the Conversation Wife, the Money-Making Wife, the Housework Wife, the Socialite Wife, the Lamb and Turkey Wife, the Genius Wife, the Oral Sex Wife, the Frottage Wife, and finally, the (official) Vaginal Intercourse Wife.

Rollo Tomassi

May 3, 2013 at 5:53 am

I know you’re only doing it as a riff, but it reminds me that my vocabulary is much grander than other people I’ve met. And I know it’s because I read comics as a kid and writers didn’t shy away from using the thesaurus.

I suspect that’s true of many of us longtime readers. So thank you, comic writers past and present!

@Cass,

Depends on the law where the marriage took place (or alternately, where it’s negated). I guess these marriages could be considered “annulled,” which is a legal declaration that the marriage never happened. This is as opposed to “divorced,” where the marriage legally did happen, but is now over. It might seem like a slight distinction, but it probably affects property rights and that sort of thing. Annullments are usually granted because there was some impediment which should have kept the marriage from happening–for example, youth (you’re below the age of legal consent, so your consent to the marriage isn’t recognized), mental illness (too crazy to consent), intoxication (you were drunk at the “I do”), fraud, and lastly, non-consummation (you kind of never “followed through” on the marriage).

Man, this stuff is trippy. Then again, I read the Hulk, who’s been married twice and has four kids from three different women. Somebody’s going to do a “Crazy Drawing Patterns” on the Hulk 20 years from now and make just as much fun of all the stuff I’m reading now.

I’ll bet that answer raised a lot of uncomfortable questions in a lot of households.

Captain Haddock

May 3, 2013 at 9:23 am

This is the greatest rebuttal to anything in the history of ever.

I’ve read that second story before, and it is hilarious, even by silver age Superman standards! I know I’ve seen that letter and its reply somewhere before too, but can’t quite remember where…

Brian Cronin

May 3, 2013 at 8:46 pm

Well, like I said, I’ve featured it before in Comic Book Legends, so it could be there!

I totally missed where you said that! That’s gotta be where I saw it.

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