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CSBG Archive

Drawing Crazy Patterns – Superhero Spankings!

goofybatman110-1b

In this feature, I spotlight five scenes/moments from within comic book stories that fit under a specific theme (basically, stuff that happens frequently in comics). Here is an archive of all the patterns we’ve spotlighted so far.

This week, we take a look at a series of, well, superhero spankings!

I normally say “Enjoy!” at this point, but it seems kind of weird in this context. So…uhm…read on, I guess!

The above panel came from Batman #1, but Batman does not actually spank Catwoman in that issue. It is an empty threat!

In Batman #10, though, by Joseph Greene, Bob Kane, Jerry Robinson and George Roussos, Batman (as Bruce Wayne) celebrates Robin (Dick Grayson)’s birthday with a birthday spanking!

goofybatman110-6

In the September 13, 1942 issue of Will Eisner’s The Spirit, the Spirit comes across a pernicious lady named Diana the Huntress, who wants him to engage in a hunt against each other…

spiritdiana1

spiritdiana2

Eventually the Spirit wins the “game”…

spiritdiana3

His choice of weapon, though, is quite odd…

spiritdiana4

In 1960′s Superman’s Girl Friend, Lois Lane #14, Otto Binder and Kurt Schaffenberger have Lois Lane come up with a scheme to get stuck behind in Superman’s Fortress of Solitude so she can prove to Superman that she can make it a home for the two of them. While there, she gets abused by one of Superman’s robots…

loisrobot

Later, we learn that Superman knew of her plan all along and was just messing with her…

loisrobot1

Man, they sure had one effed up relationship, didn’t they?

In 1966′s Brave and the Bold #64 by Bob Haney and Win Mortimer, Batman recalls the time he first met the socialite Marcia Monroe. She was making a scene on a Gotham City bridge when Batman put her in her place…

batmanmonroe1

I love that the next day, Bruce Wayne is getting off on reading about his own spanking escapades…

batmanmonroe2

Also, note that the camera in the newspaper is from a different angle than from where the first photographer was. So did Batman hold her there while the guy got a few different shots? I love Batman’s smile there…

Two years later, Otto Binder and Kurt Schaffenberger are back at it again, pitting Supergirl against some alien hoodlums who were using Earth as their own Monopoly board in Action Comics #363. Supergirl tries to teach them a lesson…

supergirlaliens

Finally, amazingly enough in the 1980s, Mark Grunwald, Jerry Bingham and Gene Day have the Thing put Moondragon over his knee in Marvel Two-in-One #62…

thingmoondragon

Wow, seriously?

Okay, that’s five (six, since I threw in a Bruce Wayne one)! If you have any ideas for future editions of Drawing Crazy Patterns, drop me a line at bcronin@comicbookresources.com!

36 Comments

Too bad you’ve limited yourself to five of these. I’m sure you could have done a book-length feature on golden age Wonder Woman spankings!

… is it still S&M if you have your robot duplicate do the spankings for you?

‘Hi, I’m Tanzim. Don’t you feel my super-spanking?’

That’s how I’m gonna introduce myself from now on.

Were birthday spankings really a thing back in the day?

Thank God SOMEONE had the sense to give Moondragon a spanking.

Eric – Yes they were and I had quite a few myself. Doh!

Anyway, another great/funny article. :)

Captain Haddock

July 13, 2013 at 6:50 am

The one in the Spirit and Diana’s reaction makes me kinda reallly uncomfortable, she looks genuinely distressed.

Also, is every single Golden Age story plot basically, “Lois acts crazy, she gets her comeuppance, it was secretly Superman doing it all along! LOL!”?

Wow. Spankings survived into 1968 in comic books? Really?

They sound _so_ 1940s. Good riddance for them, it is coming _not nearly_ soon enough.

I read a story when I was really young (mid-70s sometime) with Captain Marvel spanking Aunt Minerva. I think it was in one of those giant-size issues, so it may have been an old reprint.

Rollo Tomassi

July 13, 2013 at 8:04 am

Taken out of context, I can’t stop laughing at that panel where Lois is eating standing up.

@ Rollo: Yes, I was thinking the same thing.

@ Rollo and Ken

I wonder if we should start up a pool about when a certain comment will show up regarding one of the highlighted examples.

Batman doesn’t sit! Unless he’s spanking someone.

Rollo, that last panel of the scene where Bruce spanks his ward is killing me! “Happy birthday, Dick!”

The Spirit one makes me feel uncomfortable. It looks like he really hurt Diana.

surprised no wonder woman pannels for if any comic would have spankings she would be top of the list espically when her creator was doing her comic. and the spirit pannel kind of is a little creepy like the spirit was getting a little too much pleasure out of punishing diana. along with super man watching his robot spank lois.

Note that most of the spankers are really trying to hurt the spankees. Not many playful “love taps” here!

There was a Marvel character that appeared in the tabloid sized Howard the Duck comic published in the 70′s that was actually called The Spanker, and his M.O. was paddling people. True story!

Ok. I love this feature and this is a hilarious one.

Bruce Wayne is officially terrible at child-raising. The guy clearly has a thing and has some weird compulsion to share every weird twist of his psychology with Dick Grayson. I am stunned that we haven’t had a parallel scene with an older Dick and Starfire.

Superman and Lois Lane have a messed up relationship, because one part is completely dictating the terms. The good news is that at least wants to be in the relationship. There isn’t much consent anywhere else on this page.

I am willing to give Supergirl a pass, because this is a goofy DC Silver Age version of a superhero fight. The rest of those are kind of … unsettling. The Spirt and Thing/Moondragon images are really sexualized. Moondragon’s expression reminds me of Jessica Jones in that sequence from ALIAS. Batman plainly just wants to humiliate Marcia Monroe.

AHahahahahaaaa!!! xD Oh goodness, this stuff always cracks me up!

But I gotta’ say… as much unwarranted and silly spanking as there is on display here… that last one? GOD YES!! *Never* have there been a comic-book character so much in need of a good proper spanking as Moondragon!

Dear lord… I’m just immensely perplexed that she doesn’t get spanked more often. Mentor must have the patience of an angel…

I’m pretty sure Moondragon is having an orgasm during that spanking. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t get them more often; nobody wants to give her the satisfaction.

Yeah. Moondragon really deservers punishment. What a pain in the neck she was during Peter David´s Captain Marvel!!

“Ow! Quit it! You shattered my pelvis!”

I was born in the 70′s and birthday spankings were definitely still around. Kids got one playful swat for each year.

I like to believe that pretty much all of the weirdness in Silver Age Superman comics was just a prolonged sex game between Superman and Lois (and occasionally Lana).

gee Scott , that’s real eff’d up.
i was born in the 70′s too. never heard of such a thing.

The birthday spankings happened in my 70s-80s childhood too. Plus the extra ‘one to grow on’ hit.

Wow. If you read that panel of Lois eating standing up by itself, it can come off as something completely different.

I should HOPE the Spirit’s spanking hurt Diana. She had been trying to KILL him, yes? If the spanking hadn’t hurt, how it would have conveyed the message that she should stay away (and maybe better yet, give up her psychopathic hunting thing)?

Yup, birthday spankings were a thing for me as a kid, plus one to grow on. And I was born in ’85! Maybe it’s a Southern thing — I feel like this sort of playful child abuse would survive easier down here.

I was born in the 70s in Australia, and I’d never heard of birthday spankings (outside of that Batman story). Must be an American thing.

A Horde of Evil Hipsters

July 16, 2013 at 12:34 am

That “Bruce Wayne spanking a 10-year old for fun” bit makes me think Dr Wertham might have had a point after all…

That rich red head from Batman needs to come back as The Rosy Cheeks, a villains who’s sole motivation is to get Batman to spank her… she’d fit right in his rogue gallery.

[...] where I saw the panels above, from Lois Lane 14 from [...]

“I’m Supergirl, I guard Earth with my super powers and I’m going to teach you a lesson in a good, old-fashioned way!” That lesson being: violence first, discussion afterward. I hope Roxxi’s “great idea” lives up to his Beavis-y leer. Probably going to chain her up in the basement and make her give them hourly spankings.

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