DEATH in Next Men.

2112 (the "prequel" graphic novel that introduces Sathanas, the big villain): Agent Red ("David Tannen" is his real name) shoots a punk in the face when he busts the minisaur fight. He shoots another punk, and it appears he shoots three more, although I can't be sure. At Apollyon, Ravak kills the two pilots bringing the prisoner. Sathanas kills the newcomer who doesn't accept his rule. Two of Sathanas's minions are killed in Brazil when Tannen's ship lands on them. Tannen then kills the third member of the team sabotaging the oxygen processor. Sathanas kills Alexi Gargarin when the trainees and Tannen attack the Antarctic ozone generator. Kirkland kills the halfling underneath the structure who comes out of the wall. Sathanas kills Tannen. Sathanas and his halflings are captured, but he blows himself up rather than let them be captured. We learn later that he survived (of course), but 78 of his minions died (we get that number from issue #6).
Deaths in this issue: 89 (I'm not counting the three punks Tannen appears to shoot, because it's too unclear). Total deaths: 89.

Next Men #0: During their escape, Jack kills two guards by punching them in the face. He's really strong.
Deaths in this issue: 2. Total deaths: 91.

Next Men #1: Aldus Hilltop shoots Dr. Bremmer in the head. He then blows up the installation. Many people die (128, as we'll learn later), but remember - this is who we see die. His secretary blows up first. We see five other people caught in the explosion.
Deaths in this issue: 7 (+122 we don't see). Total deaths: 98.

Next Men #2: Nobody dies. How disappointing.
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 98.

Next Men #3: Bethany rips half of Hoagy's face off, then punches her hand right through his body (because she's hard-core!). He was trying to rape her, of course, something that didn't come out at their trial later. Jack snaps Dwight's neck when he wakes up from his sedated sleep. The vice-president's plane explodes, and we learn in the next issue that he's dead.
Deaths in this issue: 4 (the vice-president and his pilot - we don't see anyone else on the plane). Total deaths: 102.

Next Men #4: There's a big fire at Hoagy's Hog Heaven, the bar where Bethany was almost raped. The men tried to set her on fire, but she can't burn, so they accidentally torch the bar. At the Next Men's trial, nobody mentions if anyone died in the fire - they just mention Hoagy. So I'm not going to count it.
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 102.

Next Men #5: David blows up the underground lair and kills himself.
Deaths in this issue: 1. Total deaths: 103.

Next Men #6: Sathanas kills Carter when the team finds him in Antarctica. He rips the leg off of another scientist (probably Klein). Eventually, we learn that nine of the ten scientists at the site have been killed (Jorgenson allies himself with Sathanas). I'm not going to count them, because we don't see it. Hilltop allows Sathanas to drain his wife's life force. We don't see it, but I'm going to count it (I make the damned rules around here!). He also gives Rhonda to Sathanas, another death I'm going to count even though we don't see it.
Deaths in this issue: 4 (+7 off-panel scientists). Total deaths: 108.

Next Men #7: No one dies. Anna Watson thinks about killing Hilltop, though. Too bad she didn't.
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 108.

Next Men #8: The Russian liaison gets chopped in two. So sad!
Deaths in this issue: 1. Total deaths: 109.

Next Men #9: Nobody dies! Yay!
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 109.

Next Men #10: Nobody dies! Boo!
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 109.

Next Men #11: Nobody dies! Come on, Byrne!
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 109.

Next Men #12: The Next Men triumph over Ignis and Fleming Jorgenson, but no one dies.
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 109.

Next Men #13: We learn that Tony's husband died, but Willis tells us without us seeing it. I shan't count it! Other than that, no deaths
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 109.

Next Men #14: Nobody dies.
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 109.

Next Men #15: Everyone lives!
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 109.

Next Men #16: Sathanas drains the life out of a hooker. Boo, Sathanas!
Deaths in this issue: 1. Total deaths: 110.

Next Men #17: Horowitz arranges for a bunch of cars to blow up to force the Next Men to do something heroic, but no one actually dies.
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 110.

Next Men #18: This is the trial issue, in which we learn that 128 people died when Hilltop blew up the installation back in issue #1. I'm still not counting them, but I thought I'd mention it. The president dies of a cerebral hemorrhage.
Deaths in this issue: 1. Total deaths: 111.

Next Men #19: Thomas Kirkland and the Next Men effect separate escapes and manage to keep everyone alive while they're doing it.
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 111.

Next Men #20: Once again, everyone makes it through the issue alive.
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 111.

Next Men #21: I'm going to count the three people who are crucified in the Jesus fantasy, even though it's a fantasy. We still see them nailed to the crosses.
Deaths in this issue: 3. Total deaths: 114.

Next Men #22: Bethany slaughters two SWAT guys. To be fair, she's pretty pissed off at them because they tried to set her on fire. This is also the issue in which Jasmine's pregnancy is terminated. She's five months on, and we obviously don't see anything, and I'm not sure if I should count it. Obviously, some people think it's murder and some don't. I'm one of the ones who doesn't, but she is, of course, further along than most people who get an abortion. As we never actually see anything, I'm not going to count it. You'll have to forgive me if that offends you.
Deaths in this issue: 2. Total deaths: 116.

Next Men #23: In Thomas Kirkland's account of the world to come, we see a newborn baby fry a doctor's head right after it comes out of the womb. The United Nations is also destroyed, presumably with large loss of life, but we don't see any of it and Kirkland doesn't mention how many die, so I can't count it.
Deaths in this issue: 1. Total deaths: 117.

Next Men #24: Concrete (yes, Paul Chadwick's Concrete) appears to kill two muggers. This is all part of the weird "comic book characters come to life" theme in the book, and although Concrete presumably disappears soon, I think the people he kills are still dead. So I'm going to count them. We also see Candy die in Dr. Trogg's origin story, and although that wasn't "real," technically none of this is real, so I'm going to count that, too. Sathanas also dies in this issue, but as we don't see it and he's soon reborn, I'm not going to count it.
Deaths in this issue: 3. Total deaths: 120.

Next Men #25: It appears that Sally kills Garrison and the girl he's about to have sex with, but we learn later she doesn't kill anyone.
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 120.

Next Men #26: It appears that Sally kills a ton of people, but we learn that she doesn't actually kill anyone. Even though we see Action Maxx get blown apart, it doesn't even look real, so I'm not going to count it.
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 120.

Next Men #27: Sally kills herself. She's a bit depressed.
Deaths in this issue: 1. Total deaths: 121.

Next Men #28: Nobody dies.
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 121.

Next Men #29: Hilltop, who is turning into Sathanas, kills Ducummen and his secretary.
Deaths in this issue: 2. Total deaths: 123.

Next Men #30: Jasmine kills Dr. Axelrod. We see her break his jaw and tell him that he has six minutes to drown in his own blood. Nobody saves him, so we'll count him as dead. Kirkland dies when he blows up the White House. It's late at night, so we'll just say no one else dies. We know Sathanas (Hilltop) survives, even though he appears dead.
Deaths in this issue: 1. Total deaths: 124.

SEX in Next Men.

2112: Thomas Kirkland is about to have sex with Marguerite de Fuego. Agent Tannen is in his room, however, so he is left with a case of blue balls. So sad!
Sex in this issue: Close, but none. Total couplings: 0.

Next Men #0: Jazz and Jack are also about to have sex in the virtual reality world, but Jack "fades," meaning he wakes up into the real world. It's strongly implied, however, that intercourse had begun. I'm going to count it. Why not?
Sex in this issue: Let's count it as ½, okay? Total couplings: ½.

Next Men #1: No sex. Too busy escaping.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: ½.

Next Men #2: No sex. Too busy getting arrested.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: ½.

Next Men #3: No sex. Man, this is ridiculous. Give them some down time so they can get it on!
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: ½.

Next Men #4: No sex. They're still too busy running from Johnny Law.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: ½.

Next Men #5: More no sex. Still on the run!
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: ½.

Next Men #6: We see Hilltop with Rhonda, and it's fairly obvious it's post-coital, but I'm not going to count it.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: ½.

Next Men #7: No sex, although Hilltop has just had sex with Anna Watson. We get this more clearly in the "M4" back-up story that begins in this issue. I'm going to count it because it's much more clearly implied than when Hilltop was with Rhonda in issue #6.
Sex in this issue: 1. Total couplings: 1½.

Next Men #8: Another post-coital scene between Hilltop and Anna Watson. I'll count it. There's also a full frontal shot of a naked man, for what that's worth.
Sex in this issue: 1. Total couplings: 2½.

Next Men #9: Nathan and Jasmine do the nasty. It's fairly explicit, actually. This will have some consequences for everyone, as Jasmine was digging Jack and Nathan was digging Bethany back in the virtual reality world.
Sex in this issue: 1. Total couplings: 3½.

Next Men #10: A post-coital scene between Danny's mother and one of her fuckbuddies. I'll count it. Hilltop is about to have some kinky sex with Sally. I will count that too!
Sex in this issue: 2. Total couplings: 5½.

Next Men #11: No time for sex, man!
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 5½.

Next Men #12: The Next Men are too busy saving the world to have sex.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 5½.

Next Men #13: Jack gets a bit peeved when he finds out that Jasmine and Nathan got it on, but there's no sex.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 5½.

Next Men #14: There's no sex in this issue.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 5½.

Next Men #15: Sally deflowers Danny in this issue. We don't actually see anything, but the sex has some major consequences for Sally in particular, so I'll count it.
Sex in this issue: 1. Total couplings: 6½.

Next Men #16: We learn that Jasmine is pregnant (because whenever you have sex once, you must automatically get pregnant), but no actual sex occurs in the issue.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 6½.

Next Men #17: The Next Men are too busy saving people from Horowitz's stunt to have sex.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 6½.

Next Men #18: The Next Men are on trial, so there's no chance for hanky-panky!
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 6½.

Next Men #19: No sex. So sad.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 6½.

Next Men #20: Cornelius van Damme has a naked servant, but there's no sex.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 6½.

Next Men #21: Sally is in bed with Garrison after having sex with him. Go, Sally! Mark IV has sex with at least two different women within the space of four panels. Whoo-hoo, Mark IV!
Sex in this issue: 3. Total couplings: 9½.

Next Men #22: There's no sex in this issue.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 9½.

Next Men #23: There's a distressing lack of sex in this issue.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 9½.

Next Men #24: Things are getting too weird for there to be any sex in this issue.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 9½.

Next Men #25: Garrison is cheating on Sally, and it's more of coitus interruptus like we saw back in issue #0. I'm not going to count it, though, because it's less along than the sex between Jasmine and Jack. Sally implies that this isn't the first time he's cheated on her, but I can't say that.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 9½.

Next Men #26: Sally is too busy destroying New York for anyone to have sex.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 9½.

Next Men #27: No sex this time around.
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 9½.

Next Men #28: I'm going to count the "virtual sex" that Jasmine has with Hilltop. We see them kiss and then we see them in bed after the fact. It's in the virtual world, but why shouldn't I count it? [Edit: it's been pointed out in the comments that this is probably "actual" sex, as Hilltop has been lusting after Jasmine. He wouldn't pass the chance up!]
Sex in this issue: 1. Total couplings: 10½.

Next Men #29: Nobody has time to stop and have sex!
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 10½.

Next Men #30: Once again, no one has time for nooky!
Sex in this issue: 0. Total couplings: 10½.

So there we have it. Let's break it down!

Number of people that are killed or die (the president dies a natural death): 124. 129 more people are known to be dead, but we don't see them. Remember, 89 people die in 2112, so the numbers are a bit skewed.
Average per comic (32 issues - 2112 is a bit longer than a regular book): 3.875.
Number of sex acts seen or heavily implied: 10½.
Average per comic: 0.328.

Next Men isn't as bloodthirsty as Conan, of course, but it's still not bad. Let's add up the totals so far! The breakdown of Conan is here, by the way.

Number of people that are killed or die: 534.
Average per comic: 6.512.
Number of sex acts seen or heavily implied: 22.5.
Average per comic: .274.

Death is so much healthier than sex, isn't it? Next Men, despite being incomplete (Byrne says he has about 20 issues left, and he knows the entire story), is a pretty good comic. It veers around a bit in the second volume, as several comic book characters come to life (Mike Mignola even draws a few pages that feature Hellboy; others include Concrete, elves from Elfquest, and Monkeyman and O'Brien) and Byrne even, weirdly enough, ties the comic into his novel Whipping Boy (which I've read, by the way). It's still a pretty good comic, and for 45 dollars (or less on-line), you can buy both trades and get a nice superhero epic.

So that's all the death and the sex in Next Men. We'll see what's next on the death and sex comics carousel!

18 Comments

• At January 6, 2009, Tom Fitzpatrick wrote:

  Mr. Burgas, thy name is "bodycount"!

  You really have sex on the mind, don't you?

  Maybe John Byrne will have ...

• At January 6, 2009, David wrote:

  I have all of the Next Men trades, and I sure would be thrilled if Byrne would finish the story...

• At January 6, 2009, Nitz the Bloody wrote:

  Having read the first Next Men compilation, I wish it would return as well; it could go from being a ...

• At January 6, 2009, Jack Norris wrote:

  You know what came out around the same time period and I liked a lot better? Danger: Unlimited. I was ...

• At January 6, 2009, Cory Strode wrote:

  And Byrne is one of the first creators to talk about how bad it is that comics are now all ...

• At January 6, 2009, stealthwise wrote:

  That's better, it wouldn't let me change it the first time. Yeah, I was gonna make some comment about ...

• At January 6, 2009, Anonymous wrote:

  Cory - in fairness to Byrne, Next Men was a comic published by a smaller publisher marketed to an older ...

• At January 7, 2009, Tom Fitzpatrick wrote:

  @Jack Norris:

  I think you might be pleased to know that IDW is reprinting DANGER UNLIMITED/BABE in an upcoming tpb.

  I think ...

• At January 7, 2009, Blackjak wrote:

  Think you might be able to push the death/sex balance the other way by going through "Elementals"?

• At January 7, 2009, Ryan Day wrote:

  On the one hand, I loved Next Men and I'd like to see it return. But Byrne's been really ... ...

• At January 7, 2009, Greg Burgas wrote:

  Blackjak: Possibly. I want to do complete runs in these posts, and so far I don't own all the ...

• At January 9, 2009, Jbird wrote:

  The difference is that six death scenes an issue is pulp, while six sex scenes an issue is smut.

• At January 9, 2009, Felicity wrote:

  Was Sally the girl working at the comic company? I don't remember Hilltop having sex with her (see "Next Men ...

• At January 9, 2009, Greg Burgas wrote:

  Felicity: Whoops, I forgot to mention the discrepancy. Byrne names TWO characters "Sally." The first Sally, the one ...

• At January 11, 2009, C adams wrote:

  I like the stories and own the Dark Horse TPBs but I find them so depressingly dark that I have ...

• At January 14, 2009, FunkyGreenJerusalem wrote:

  for a while now, seemingly fixated on the idea that comics achieved perfection in 1969 and anyone who messes with ...

• At July 10, 2009, Rob wrote:

  Hilltop and Jasmine definitely had actual sex. In fact it was a plot point. Superpowers were sexually transmitted ...

• At August 27, 2009, carthell wrote:

  Point of order: Ms. Tolliver, the artist at Dollar Comics, has a first name of "Sandy," not "Sally."

  Back ...

I thought, "You know, a lot of people die in comics. I wonder how many?" With that in mind, I thought of a project to track deaths in comics. And, because Conan gets laid quite a bit, why not track sex too? This goes back to Americans' squeamishness about sex but acceptance of bloody violence I've occasionally ranted about here. I'm sure the death in comics far overwhelms the sex, but why not check it out?

With that in mind, I decided to write posts about those two things. This will be an interminable project, I'm sure, because I have a lot of comics. It's going to be completely random, based on whatever comics I choose to read. This time it's Conan. The next time it might be, I don't know, Tiny Titans. Okay, probably not, as I don't buy that book, but you never know!

Please note that I'm not making any value judgments on this at all. I'm simply cataloguing the number of deaths and the number of times anyone gets laid. Some definitions are in order:

First, I will usually point out corpses, even if we don't see the person get killed. The exception to this is in the aftermath of a big battle, when we see corpses piled up. That's too difficult, and I want to look at people being killed, not necessarily people being dead (unless, as I point out above, we know how they died - some people in Conan are strangled, so even though we don't see them get strangled, we see the corpse). I will NOT count people about to be killed, as in the battle scenes in Conan. Who knows if the victim was actually killed or if he managed to get a sword up and block the swing? Therefore, the actual number of dead might be smaller than you think. I counted demons and undead, but not animals. Also, I try very hard to count everyone, but I will probably miss some. It's an unscientific process, after all. For the sex part, most of the time it's implied (unless the comic is Faust or Omaha the Cat Dancer or something like that). Only once in Conan do we actually know our hero is having sex, because Busiek writes Arianne having an orgasm and talking about losing her virginity. The other times it's all implied, but I think we can agree that Conan is gettin' busy quite a lot. He's Conan, after all!

So let's check it out! And, in case you can't figure it out on your own, SPOILERS APLENTY in these posts! Seriously. I'm listing people who die, after all. And when I list "people" Conan has killed, remember that this includes demons and undead and such. I just use the generic term "people," even if it's a giant spider.

Death in Conan #0-50. I am not counting the new series, because I haven't read it yet. I'm also skipping issue #40, as it's a one-off that hasn't been collected yet. What's up with that?

Conan #0: Conan beheads a soldier when the Chronicles call him a "slayer." Later he beheads a fat dude (it's a pattern) and throws his head to the masses below. He leads troops into battle and kills an opponent. Five corpses are visible at his feet. We'll count those because it's implied he killed them all.
Deaths in this issue: 8. Number of people Conan kills: 8. Beheadings: 2. [Note: I'm sure I missed some beheadings. So there are probably more. I just thought it would be fun to track beheadings, as Conan enjoys them.]

Conan #1: Conan beheads a Vanir who's about to rape an Aesir woman. He chops the arm off a soldier who accosts him, which probably kills the man, as I can't imagine medicine is that advanced back then. Conan chops another reaver in half. In a flashback, we see Conan's grandfather's raids on Hyborean lands, and someone has been killed by a spear. Finally, a Hyperborean leaps from the cliff.
Deaths in this issue: 5 (probably; definitely 4). Total deaths: 13. Number of people Conan kills: 3. Total number of people Conan has killed: 11. Beheadings: 1. Total beheadings: 3.

Conan #2: On the first page, we see two dead Aesir and three dead Vanir. Conan kills a Vanir soldier. Conan probably kills the two frost giants. He's bad-ass, so let's assume it.
Deaths in this issue: 8. Total deaths: 21. Number of people Conan kills: 3. Total number of people Conan has killed: 14. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 3.

Conan #3: The Aesir and Vanir fight again. In the wide panel shot, we see only one person actually getting killed, a Vanir getting beheaded (not by Conan). Thalfar is killed when the Hyperborean slaves attack. Many are killed in the battle, but we only see the aftermath.
Deaths in this issue: 2. Total deaths: 23. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 14. Beheadings: 1. Total beheadings: 4.

Conan #4: A gladiator is killed in the ring behind Conan. Conan beheads his opponent. A Hyperborean leaps to her death. We see ten slaves follow her, but there are at least 19 ready to jump. In the Hyperborean catacombs, Conan pushes one guard onto another's sword, then stabs the remaining one. He finds Gorm dead. He breaks the neck of the spell overseer.
Deaths in this issue: 26. Total deaths: 49. Number of people Conan kills: 4. Total number of people Conan has killed: 18. Beheadings: 1. Total beheadings: 5.

Conan #5: The Hyperborean sorcerers kill four of the vanquished foes and drain their life force. In a flashback, the first Hyperborean suicide occurs. We see another a page later. The Aesir revolt begins, and the first guard gets a knife in the throat. We see, from a distance, three more guards die in the arena. Conan beheads a guard during the revolt.
Deaths in this issue: 11. Total deaths: 60. Number of people Conan kills: 1. Total number of people Conan has killed: 19. Beheadings: 1. Total beheadings: 6.

Conan #6: During the revolt, we see one guard with a sword through him. Three Aesir men are killed by the Hyperborean sorcerers. Conan kills two guards on the stairs. Aishti'ana dies when he commits suicide. So does Iasmini. So does Niord. So do at least 12 other household slaves.
Deaths in this issue: 21. Total deaths: 81. Number of people Conan kills: 2. Total number of people Conan has killed: 21. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 6.

Conan #7: Conan kills Sjarl. He then sticks his sword through Einar's mouth. Janissa kills a guard sneaking into Dion Pirenus' villa. Once she is caught, she kills three guards with knitting needles, then four more. Then she kills Dion Pirenus.
Deaths in this issue: 11. Total deaths: 92. Number of people Conan kills: 2. Total number of people Conan has killed: 23. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 6.

Conan #8: A Cimmerian is killing a Vanir on page one, but we only see him and the blood spray, not the victim. On the second page, we see another Cimmerian killing a Vanir. Fialla kills the Vanir who's about to kill Conaldar. Two more Vanir die before the Cimmerians drive them off.
Deaths in this issue: 5. Total deaths: 97. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 23. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 6.

Conan #9: Nobody dies. Holy cow!
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 97. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 23. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 6.

Conan #10: Kallian Publico is dead at the beginning of the issue. Nobody technically dies in the issue, but I'll count him.
Deaths in this issue: 1. Total deaths: 98. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 23. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 6.

Conan #11: Conan beheads Aztrias Petanius, the man who hired him to rob Kallian's house. It appears that Conan kills two of the guards, because when everyone flees, two are left. This does not appear to include Arus, whose head he stomps on. Promero the clerk is killed by the snake or dies of fright. Conan kills the snake, and even though it's not remotely human, I'll count it.
Deaths in this issue: 5. Total deaths: 103. Number of people Conan kills: 4. Total number of people Conan has killed: 27. Beheadings: 1. Total beheadings: 7.

Conan #12: Janissa kills a bunch of demons. I'm not going to count them because it's very hard to tell how many she kills.
Deaths in this issue: ? Total deaths: 103. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 27. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 7.

Conan #13: Davo explodes (but doesn't, apparently, die) and becomes the host of Thoth-Amon. Thoth-Amon knocks a guard off the cliff. He knocks another off while crushing two others. He crushes another before being knocked off the cliff himself. At least three stay behind and are killed off-panel as Conan, Janissa, and Kalanthes ride to Hanumar.
Deaths in this issue: 8. Total deaths: 111. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 27. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 7.

Conan #14: On the first page, four corpses lie behind the trio. Four more lie in front of them. Conan is killing one of the possessed, while Janissa is killing another. On the next two pages there are two more, different corpses. Conan eventually kills Davo.
Deaths in this issue: 13. Total deaths: 124. Number of people Conan kills: 2 (verified; he probably killed some of the corpses at the beginning, but I won't speculate). Total number of people Conan has killed: 29. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 7.

Conan #15: In a flashback, Connacht kills a random soldier. An Aquilonian kills a Cimmerian in a retaliatory raid. Connacht kills a comrade during an argument. A Cimmerian is killed in the ensuing blood-feud. Conan rips the wolf leader's throat out with his teeth. I won't count that, but it's pretty hardcore.
Deaths in this issue: 4. Total deaths: 128. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 29. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 7.

Conan #16: In a flashback, Ingus-Kutha is killed, although we don't see the deathblow. Conan kills the three demons on Uskuth Hill, although it's not shown.
Deaths in this issue: 4. Total deaths: 132. Number of people Conan kills: 3. Total number of people Conan has killed: 32. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 7.

Conan #17: We don't see Conan kill any of those accosting him at the beginning, but the narration reads that "blood painted Conan's blade." Later, at least nine men accost him in the Square of the Ferret, and he kills them all. Then he kills Raffir.
Deaths in this issue: 10. Total deaths: 142. Number of people Conan kills: 10. Total number of people Conan has killed: 42. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 7.

Conan #18: On the splash page, three soldiers are getting killed, including the guy who found Conan's helmet. A Vanir man is killed off-panel. Yuvan is shot through the throat with an arrow. The archer is almost immediately killed. Fedor is killed by a boar. The scout is beheaded by the Khitai, although we don't see it, only his head. One of Orzhas Kreznau's soldiers kills the woman who was begging for mercy. Orzhas is beheaded in the revolt. In the second story, Conan has just killed a demon on the summit of Tor-Nagath. The guardian attacks Conan, slips in the blood, and falls on his own spear. (Ironically, the girl in this story is the only one whose nipples we ever see, even though many women are naked in this series. The fact that it's drawn by Bruce Timm makes it even more unusual.)
Deaths in this issue: 12. Total deaths: 154. Number of people Conan kills: 1. Total number of people Conan has killed: 43. Beheadings: 2. Total beheadings: 9.

Conan #19: The Hounds of Marduk kill two random soldiers. The big slug-thing of Tiamat eats two soldiers. The big slug-thing kills five Hounds of Marduk. The big slug-thing kills Tianna.
Deaths in this issue: 10. Total deaths: 164. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 43. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 9.

Conan #20: On the first page, a mugger kills somebody. Conan kills Kardos the Kothian. In a flashback, Yara kills the "hostile prince" with his gem, turning him into a spider and then stepping on him. A guard lies dead in the garden of the Tower of the Elephant, killed by Taurus, the Prince of Thieves.
Deaths in this issue: 4. Total deaths: 168. Number of people Conan kills: 1. Total number of people Conan has killed: 44. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 9.

Conan #21: The spider in the Tower kills Taurus. Conan kills the spider. Taurus and Conan had already killed a bunch of lions below, but while I'll count the spider (because it's big and demonic), the lions were just lions.
Deaths in this issue: 2. Total deaths: 170. Number of people Conan kills: 1. Total number of people Conan has killed: 45. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 9.

Conan #22: Conan kills Yag-Kosha. Yag-Kosha kills Yara in a fun fashion. At least 8 soldiers are dead at the gate when Conan leaves.
Deaths in this issue: 10. Total deaths: 180. Number of people Conan kills: 1. Total number of people Conan has killed: 46. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 9.

Conan #23: In a flashback, we see Brita's Vale. Six soldiers are killed. In Conan's vision, three soldiers are getting killed, which I'll count even though it's not actually happening. Conan later guts Raggar.
Deaths in this issue: 10. Total deaths: 190. Number of people Conan kills: 1. Total number of people Conan has killed: 47. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 9.

Conan #24: Nobody dies. Again. Holy cow!
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 190. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 47. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 9.

Conan #25: Conan kills a guard at the Eastern Caravansary. Later he kills Osshur. Conan's horse falls into a ravine and dies. So sad!
Deaths in this issue: 2. Total deaths: 192. Number of people Conan kills: 2. Total number of people Conan has killed: 49. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 9.

Conan #26: Conan kills an Irakzai raider on the first page. Carmaina is hanging in the garden, either by Wazir-induced suicide or by direct intervention by the Wazir. Two Irakzai raiders are shot with arrows when they attack the town. During the battle, we see three soldiers dying. Conan beheads a Irakzai.
Deaths in this issue: 8. Total deaths: 200. Number of people Conan kills: 2. Total number of people Conan has killed: 51. Beheadings: 1. Total beheadings: 10.

Conan #27: Conan beheads Selim Shah ... or does he? In a different account, Conan beheads Jhal Aftul. Selim Shah kills an Afghuli before he and Conan escape.
Deaths in this issue: 3 (Okay, Selim Shah probably doesn't count, but we do see Conan chop his head off). Total deaths: 203. Number of people Conan kills: 2. Total number of people Conan has killed: 53. Beheadings: 2. Total beheadings: 12.

Conan #28: Conan beheads a demon. Janissa kills a demon. Rovann kills a demon off-panel, although we see its green blood. Janissa kills another demon. Rovann kills another demon. Conan kills a demon by stabbing upward through its jaw. Rovann lies dead at the end, killed by the demons (but everyone thinks he ran off like a coward and fell to his doom).
Deaths in this issue: 7. Total deaths: 210. Number of people Conan kills: 2. Total number of people Conan has killed: 55. Beheadings: 1. Total beheadings: 13.

Conan #29: Conan sets a trap for Nestor and the soldiers sent for him. Nestor springs the trap and starts an avalanche. Apparently everyone dies except Nestor. From the previous chapter, it appears there are at least 27 of them. Mass murder, Conan-style!
Deaths in this issue: 27. Total deaths: 237. Number of people Conan kills: 27. Total number of people Conan has killed: 81. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 13.

Conan #30: Conan kills the three-eyed giant toad. I guess that counts. But no humans in this issue.
Deaths in this issue: 1. Total deaths: 238. Number of people Conan kills: 1. Total number of people Conan has killed: 82. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 13.

Conan #31: In a flashback, a priest rips the heart out of a sacrificial victim. Conan chops one of the dead kings in half. Conan kills five undead soldiers, while Nestor kills two. It appears that six undead soldiers turn to dust when the sun strikes them. Surna is bitten by the snake that Conan brings out of the temple, but he doesn't die right away.
Deaths in this issue: 15. Total deaths: 253. Number of people Conan kills: 6. Total number of people Conan has killed: 88. Beheadings: 5. Total beheadings: 18.

Conan #32: Conan kills the bull who is chasing Arianne. I won't count it, but it's a pretty cool scene. Conan accidentally kills Giall.
Deaths in this issue: 1. Total deaths: 254. Number of people Conan kills: 1. Total number of people Conan has killed: 89. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 18.

Conan #33: Conan kills a bunch of wild dogs. As usual, they don't count. The priest of Anu's men attack the priests of Tarantia. They kill five bodyguards. Conan kills all the attackers - there are six of them.
Deaths in this issue: 11. Total deaths: 265. Number of people Conan kills: 6. Total number of people Conan has killed: 95. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 18.

Conan #34: Conan kills four of the Zamorian hill bandits. He later kills the Spider King's son/brother, Uun'tha. This causes the Spider King's structure to collapse, which kills him and at least 18 others. Nestor kills Egrun and the other dude by shooting them with arrows. Conan returns the favor by killing a Zamorian who is sneaking up on Nestor. He kills another bandit as they flee. Three Zamorians die when Conan chops the bridge down.
Deaths in this issue: 31. Total deaths: 296. Number of people Conan kills: 29. Total number of people Conan has killed: 124. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 18.

Conan #37: Surna finally dies. Nobody else dies. Holy cow!
Deaths in this issue: 1. Total deaths: 297. Number of people Conan kills: 1 (technically, the snake kills Surna, but let's blame Conan, shall we?). Total number of people Conan has killed: 125. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 18.

Conan #38: Conan kills one of the soldiers sent to arrest him. Nestor kills one of the soldiers sent to arrest him. Nestor is executed by hanging in the market square. Conan kills two of the priests of Anu's attendants. Conan kills three guards of the priest. Conan beheads the priest, then throws his still-living head in the fire.
Deaths in this issue: 9. Total deaths: 306. Number of people Conan kills: 7. Total number of people Conan has killed: 132. Beheadings: 1. Total beheadings: 19.

Conan #39: Conan is in the process of killing three undead soldiers on the splash page. Later he slices seven of them with one sword stroke. Janissa destroys five undead skeletons. Conan kills four soldiers in one stroke. Conan kills the bat demon. Janissa kills the scorpion demon. Conan and Janissa each kill a bug demon.
Deaths in this issue: 23. Total deaths: 329. Number of people Conan kills: 16. Total number of people Conan has killed: 148. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 19.

Conan #41: Conan kills one of the soldiers sent to arrest him. The secretary who sold secrets to Murilo is killed, but we only see his ear. Conan kills Jiara's lover. The ape-man kills the Red Priest's servant (and dog), but we only see the corpses.
Deaths in this issue: 4. Total deaths: 333. Number of people Conan kills: 2. Total number of people Conan has killed: 150. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 19.

Conan #42: Nobody dies. Holy cow!
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 333. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 150. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 19.

Conan #43: In a flashback, we see three ape-men getting killed by Nabonidus' "Stygian archers." The ape-man has killed the priest's bodyguard, but again, we only see the corpse. The ape-man kills Petreus and three of his fellow Nationalists.
Deaths in this issue: 8. Total deaths: 341. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 150. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 19.

Conan #44: Tilbar kills the man guarding Nestor's corpse. Conan kills the ape-man ("a man ... not a beast") and then he kills Nabonidus.
Deaths in this issue: 3. Total deaths: 344. Number of people Conan kills: 2. Total number of people Conan has killed: 152. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 19.

Conan #45: Conan and his soldiers kill five Aquilonians. An Aquilonian kills a Cimmerian in a flashback. Bruan is gutted. Donal is eviscerated and hung from the tree.
Deaths in this issue: 8. Total deaths: 352. Number of people Conan kills: 2. Total number of people Conan has killed: 154. Beheadings: 1. Total beheadings: 20.

Conan #46: The battle of Venarium. Too many dead to count. At least 21 on the page, including a woman and her child (not pictured, but definitely killed). Alcibiades and Arianne are also killed. Connacht dies.
Deaths in this issue: 24. Total deaths: 374. Number of people Conan kills: ? Total number of people Conan has killed: 154. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 20.

Conan #47: The undead of Yaralet kill a family when the boy sees them. There appear to be three of them. Bakat gets an arrow through his head when the undead army attacks the caravan.
Deaths in this issue: 4. Total deaths: 378. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 154. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 20.

Conan #48: When the undead army attacks, we see Conan killing one of them while a soldier gets killed. Then Conan chops one of the bad guys in half. Conan kills four more, then Stremm shoves a spear through the head of another. Nestor, back from the dead, kills Tilbar. Back on the battlefield, three more undead "die" before Stremm gets killed. Conan, alone, kills at least eight more before he succumbs.
Deaths in this issue: 21. Total deaths: 399. Number of people Conan kills: 17. Total number of people Conan has killed: 171. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 20.

Conan #49: Lots of corpses, and a vulture, naturally, has an eye in its mouth (you can never have a vulture in a comic book unless it has an eye in its mouth). However, nobody actually dies in this issue. Holy cow!
Deaths in this issue: 0. Total deaths: 399. Number of people Conan kills: 0. Total number of people Conan has killed: 171. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 20.

Conan #50: Conan kills two undead, while Than kills one. They burst into the chamber where Atalis is about to sacrifice Iniri, and Conan kills three undead while Than kills one. Atalis kills Than and rips his heart out. Atalis stabs himself in the chest and puts his heart in Than's body (that doesn't count, I just thought I'd mention it). Conan kills the undead commander. Conan kills Atalis (or Than's body with Atalis' heart). Then he kills Nestor. I guess that counts, even though Nestor is already dead. And that's it!
Deaths in this issue: 11. Total deaths: 410. Number of people Conan kills: 8. Total number of people Conan has killed: 179. Beheadings: 0. Total beheadings: 20.

Sex in Conan #0-50. Again, we only have confirmation of two of these sex acts, but I think we can agree they all happened. And again, I'm sure Conan got much more sex than is shown in the series.

Conan #1: Conan gets busy with Henga.
Sex: 1. Total sex: 1. Partners for Conan: 1. Total partners for Conan: 1.

Conan #4: Conan gets busy with Iasmini.
Sex: 1. Total sex: 2. Partners for Conan: 1. Total partners for Conan: 2.

Conan #16: In a flashback, Conan basks in the afterglow of sex with Jiara and the other chick.
Sex: 1. Total sex: 3. Partners for Conan: 2. Total partners for Conan: 4.

After Conan #17: Conan nails Tianna at some point.
Sex: 1. Total sex: 4. Partners for Conan: 1. Total partners for Conan: 5.

Conan #20: On the first page, two shadowy figures are having sex.
Sex: 1. Total sex: 5. Partners for Conan: 0. Total partners for Conan: 5.

Conan #24: Conan nails Surna's youngest wife. Utor nails Jiara.
Sex: 2. Total sex: 7. Partners for Conan: 1. Total partners for Conan: 6.

Conan #25: The issue begins with Conan in bed with Jiara. Presumably he was banging her the night before. Come on, he's Conan! Of course he hit it!
Sex: 1. Total sex: 8. Partners for Conan: 1. Total partners for Conan: 6 (Jiara doesn't count, as we've already counted her).

Conan #26: Conan gets busy with the girl in the tent.
Sex: 1. Total sex: 9. Partners for Conan: 1. Total partners for Conan: 7.

Conan #32: Conan sits next to a naked Caollan. Obviously they've been having a good time. Later he deflowers Arianne.
Sex: 2. Total sex: 11. Partners for Conan: 2. Total partners for Conan: 9.

Conan #33: Conan nails Jiara to shut her up. Those women - they'll shut up if you have sex with them!
Sex: 1. Total sex: 12. Partners for Conan: 1. Total partners for Conan: Still 9.

Well, that's more sex than your average comic-book character, but still not anywhere near the amount of killing in these comics. Let's break down the totals!

Number of sentient beings that die or are killed (Connacht might be the only one who dies a natural death): 410. Average per comic: 8.2 (remember, there are 50 issues, because the zero issue is included but not #40).
Number of sentient beings that Conan kills: 179. Average per comic: 3.58. Not bad at all, young Cimmerian!
Number of sex acts seen or heavily implied: 12. Average per comic: .24.
Number of times Conan gets lucky: 10. Average per comic: .2. Once every five issues isn't bad, considering he's often out thieving and killing.
Number of partners Conan has: 9. Henga, Iasmini, Jiara, Jiara's friend, Tianna, Surna's youngest wife, the girl in the tent, Caollan, and Arianne.

This, obviously, has more death and sex than your standard DC or Marvel superhero comic series. We shall see, however, how it stacks up to other series. What will the next series be? No man can say!!!!!

24 Comments

• At October 13, 2008, Krod wrote:

  I don't get it. Does this make the comic good or not good or... did I miss an earlier ...

• At October 13, 2008, Greg Burgas wrote:

  Krod: It's not a comment on whether the book is good or not. It's just a list. For ...

• At October 13, 2008, tk. wrote:

  But, the book is good. Particularly the Carey/Nord stuff.

• At October 13, 2008, Krod wrote:

  I think you should add on to this post or make a post talking about whether or not you like ...

• At October 13, 2008, Annoyed Grunt wrote:

  I always like stuff like this. I once tried to keep count of everyone Ogami Ito killed during the ...

• At October 13, 2008, Tom Fitzpatrick wrote:

  "I always like stuff like this. I once tried to keep count of everyone Ogami Ito killed during the Lone ...

• At October 13, 2008, The Fortress Keeper wrote:

  Wait a minute ... Bruce Timm drew a Conan comic?

  By the way, I did enjoy your list. I may try ...

• At October 13, 2008, Patrick Joseph wrote:

  Very Joe Bob Briggs. I like it!

• At October 13, 2008, Greg Burgas wrote:

  Krod: Well, I own all the trades, so yeah, it's a good comic. I thought the final trade, ...

• At October 13, 2008, C. Snail wrote:

  Thank you thank you. I'm working my way through that series now and it's nice to know there's a total ...

• At October 13, 2008, Paul C wrote:

  Ha, nice work there. Conan is the man. I read a few of the early stories and they were very ...

• At October 13, 2008, FunkyGreenJerusalem wrote:

  I dunno Greg, Conan is still a teenager, or just past - I'm pretty sure you're talking him down by ...

• At October 13, 2008, Annoyed Grunt wrote:

  "Just out of curiousity, did you do the same with the manga, and if so, what was the body count?"

  I ...

• At October 13, 2008, Djed wrote:

  Nice list. Now, numbers for Preacher, please!

• At October 13, 2008, Krod wrote:

  Burgas, it's not so obvious that because you own them you think they're good! Comics fans, and the reviewers ...

• At October 13, 2008, FunkyGreenJerusalem wrote:

  There was also another artist somewhere near the end.

  Greg Ruth did a number of fill-ins throughout the first series chronicling ...

• At October 13, 2008, garbonzo wrote:

  Maybe you could try this with GI JOe. I mean, with all the gun fights someone has to get ...

• At October 14, 2008, Annoyed Grunt wrote:

  I agree with Djed. Preacher was made for a list like this. The second TPB might be one ...

• At October 14, 2008, Libaax wrote:

  Interesting about the sex part since i have read the comics listed and the stories they are based on by ...

• At October 14, 2008, Greg Burgas wrote:

  Krod: Most of the series is based on Howard's stories or, in the case of Nestor, a reference in a ...

• At October 14, 2008, garbonzo wrote:

  Another interesting comparison would be Jonah Hex. Lots of death, and a surprising amount of sex.

• At October 14, 2008, FunkyGreenJerusalem wrote:

  Most of the series is based on Howard’s stories or, in the case of Nestor, a reference in a Howard ...

• At October 15, 2008, STWALLSKULL » INTERESTING LINKS: Norm Saunders Featured at Comics Should Be Good: October 15th, 2008 wrote:

  [...] Death and sex in comics - Dark Horse’s Conan series from Comics Should Be Good! [...]

• At October 16, 2008, Ted wrote:

  More suicides than I would have thought