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Cracked Shows How The Watchmen Movie Could Have Been Worse

Well, that’s the idea, at least. To be honest, some of the things in this are better than anything in the movie or the book. Like this:

DR. MANHATTAN grapples with THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION, the pair of them rolling outside where they grow to titanic size, striding across the Antarctic landscape, exchanging helicopter kicks and ion blasts. They lock in a clench, eyes burning. Suddenly THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION breaks his grasp, twisting his opponent around. From behind, he seizes DR. MANHATTAN by his DIAPER, yanking it violently upward. A CRY emits from DR. MANHATTAN’s mouth that splits the heavens. A sick grin spreads across THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION’s face, as he twists the diaper in his cruel hands. Suddenly the diaper rips, freeing DR. MANHATTAN. He falls to the ground and immediately sweeps the leg, sending THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION to a distant galaxy with his mighty blow.

Which sounds like Watchmen as filtered through the ISB. Which I believe trumps all of the literary and storytelling merit of the original. Hopefully Zack Snyder films this scene (and the alternate ending) for the DVD.

Cracked’s Six Creepiest Comic Book Characters Ever

Shockingly, Chris Sims didn’t write this one, even if his pet hate character is number one. It’s also interesting to see how far off the radar the Ultimate comics have been, that I didn’t know that Jeph Loeb had found a way to make Mark Millar look more subtle by comparison. I think that has to qualify as an achievement.

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