GIANT-SIZE X-POSITION: Duggan Brings Deadpool & Cable Together in "Uncanny Avengers"
Let’s cut to the chase, there isn’t one.
Unless it’s lack of balls…and you can take that either way you like. That she can’t catch a break because she doesn’t have literal balls like her male counterparts or because DC/WB/Hollywood/Whoever Is Really In Charge of These Things don’t have the metaphorical balls to simply make her damn movie.
And why not? Frozen and Catching Fire are blowing the doors off at the box office and nobody cares that they have female leads. They just care that they’re damn good movies. Smart movies. Movies that respect their characters and their audiences. And in the case of Catching Fire a movie that is vehemently faithful to its source material.
But we still somehow live in a world where “whoever is in charge of these things” thinks the best way to introduce Wonder Woman to the world is as a bit part in Superman/Batman.
I love superheroes. I really really do. And so there are few things I like more than a good superhero film. One that reminds you what is great about superheroes – that gives you those superheroic chills – but that also manages to be a good film. It’s more rare than you’d think, especially since we’re in a sweet spot where some filmmakers are actually figuring it out – Batman, Avengers, Iron Man, Dredd – there have been some very good superhero movies in the last few years – which sometimes makes us forget how hard a thing it is to create a movie that is both good film and good superhero movie.
Sadly, Man of Steel is not among them.
But before I get into this, let’s take a moment to say, it’s great if YOU liked or even loved the film. I am honestly happy for you, in fact, I’m jealous, because I wanted to love it too. And I am not saying you are a moronic dolt that doesn’t know a thing about film or superheroes if you liked it. Don’t personalize this. This is about why I think Man of Steel is a terrible film, from both a superhero fan and a film lover perspective.
There’s a lot to say and so I’m going to lean on the crutch that is a list.
Well, that’s the idea, at least. To be honest, some of the things in this are better than anything in the movie or the book. Like this:
DR. MANHATTAN grapples with THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION, the pair of them rolling outside where they grow to titanic size, striding across the Antarctic landscape, exchanging helicopter kicks and ion blasts. They lock in a clench, eyes burning. Suddenly THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION breaks his grasp, twisting his opponent around. From behind, he seizes DR. MANHATTAN by his DIAPER, yanking it violently upward. A CRY emits from DR. MANHATTAN’s mouth that splits the heavens. A sick grin spreads across THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION’s face, as he twists the diaper in his cruel hands. Suddenly the diaper rips, freeing DR. MANHATTAN. He falls to the ground and immediately sweeps the leg, sending THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION to a distant galaxy with his mighty blow.
Which sounds like Watchmen as filtered through the ISB. Which I believe trumps all of the literary and storytelling merit of the original. Hopefully Zack Snyder films this scene (and the alternate ending) for the DVD.
So, yeah, that happened this weekend. One of Warner’s excecutives is quoted in the article as citing similar drops in X-Men III and Fantastic Four II. Those are certainly two movies I never expected to see mentioned in relation to Watchmen. Well, them and Sex and the City.
I should pretty well cap any Watchmen movie talk with this, lest I make this a recurring feature, but here are two annoying things about the movie that I totally forgot about earlier. Continue Reading »
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